Husband woke me up with 5.30 alarm so he could do a work out!

[RooksAndRavens]

Dh doesn't work on a Friday. He looks after the dcs, aged 1 and 4. I'm a part time teacher and work on a Friday. My alarm is set for 6.55am and dcs wake up naturally around then too.
Dh has got it in his head that he wants to get up early every morning to do a work out or go for a run. But at 5.30am this morning, his stupid loud alarm went off and woke me up and I couldn't get back to sleep.
I think this is really selfish and unfair of him. I'm the one with a demanding job today and need all the sleep I can get. Dc2 is still in our room and has an awful cough at the moment so that's made sleep difficult this week. And I've been struggling with anxiety badly too recently and obviously that has a knock on effect to sleep.

I told dh that he was being unfair but he said that I was awake anyway (absolutely not true) and that most people are up before I get up anyway. He's also just said hoe much better he feels for doing his exercise routine early this morning... that's great, but he won't be teaching thirty 5 year olds today! I feel so exhausted already.

Am I being totally unreasonable here?

[Enko]

He needs a different alarm but actually he is not BU for wanting an early work out.

It's a bit of give and take here

[RooksAndRavens]

@EarringsandLipstick

Am I being totally unreasonable here?

Yes. I get up at that time to exercise so that's perfectly reasonable. You say his very noisy alarm woke you - if that's true, that's not ok. But what alarm was that noisy? Are you sure it isn't just his phone alarm?

It goes without saying that he needs to get up quickly & quietly when his alarm goes.

It was a loud bleeping sounding alarm, not vibrate. He could of also woken up poorly baby dd. Luckily it didn't but who wants to potentially wake a poorly sleeping baby?!

[Clymene]

Because he has set a loud alarm that is likely to wake them all up @5zeds

It's the sort of behaviour men indulge in to punish their wives. And it's always men who have loud alarms. Women creep about if they have to get up early

[RooksAndRavens]

@EightChalk

Oops, pressed post too soon! When posters say "well I only need 6 hours sleep/ am up by 5" etc as if that has anything to do with the situation. The amount of sleep you need isn't a choice, and sleep deprivation has consequences.

Yes, totally this. And already I'm battling clinical anxiety, two young dcs and a stressful teaching job. Sleep deprivation just adds another layer.

[gavinc0328]

My two cents is to see if you can adapt to his lifestyle to become yours. If he is moving towards a more positive lifestyle, it's not bad you go for the same, at least give a try. Waking up at 5.30 for workout / exercise is a fruitful experience. I bet you'll love it.

[RooksAndRavens]

I'm not sure why pp's keep saying 'furious', I don't think I used that word in my op. I'm pretty annoyed and exhausted but furious, no. That's a stronger sounding word.

[BluebellsareBlue]

I think some posters are being really harsh and invalidating how the OP feels, she may very well be furious, who are you to decide how the OP feels?

Some people need more sleep than others, saying 0530 is a reasonable time to get up does not live in the OP's shoes so that's completely irrelevant and saying I'm amazed you can get to work on time if you get up at seven, catch yourself on, the OP might live right next door to the school, she might have completely organised everything the night before so she CAN get to work with a good nights rest.

The other OP saying exercise is good and this isn't U, well that's your life not the OP's.

YANBU OP, I would be grumpy and tired all day if I lost a big portion of my sleep. Ask him to put his phone on vibrate under his pillow in future.

I hope the day goes fast for you and you get home to relax.

[hangryorhungry]

@Clymene

Clearly he doesn't want to look after the children on Friday. What a selfish arsehole. And yoor husband is even worse @hangryorhungry

Bit harsh! I set my alarm at weekends for other things & often wake my DH with my tossing & turning at night. That’s marriage. Give & take. That said, vibrating alarm is a great idea, hadn’t occurred to me!

[Hobbesmanc]

We both have different getting up times. You do get used to dropping back off quickly. As long as he's not banging and clattering around with lights on and off etc.

[Milkand2sugarsplease]

Isn't the nature of sharing a room that you disturb the person your sharing with every now and again?
I don't think half 5 is unreasonable really, plenty of people have to get up that early.
I can understand you being a bit fractious if you've had broken sleep with a poorly child and I can see how that would make you feel like he's being unreasonable though.x

[5zeds]

Yes @Clymene be needs to have a quieter alarm like a Fitbit vibrating in his wrist and then there is no longer a problem. I’m aware he uses a loud alarm. The solution is he modified the alarm so they can both get on with their day.

[Sciurus83]

YANBU. At all. He can get up at 5.30 but only of he doesn't wake you or the baby. So if he can't find an alarm that doesn't wake you he sleeps in another room if he wants to do that. You're not well, have a young baby and a full on job that I imagine you've not been back at that long if your baby is still in your room, of course you should have sleep. 5.30am is early, if anyone else chooses to do that then whatever, but imposing that on someone who doesn't want or need to is selfish.

[tigger1001]

I think it's just part and parcel of sharing a room with someone. He is entitled to get up at that time, if that's what suits him.

I think it's worth trying to tackle the anxiety that's causing you sleep issues. And I say that as someone who's been suffering with really bad insomnia.

[BlackeyedSusan]

Natural consequences: you are too tired to.... Whatever it is that DH wants.

[Pompom2367]

Yabu it's part of sharing a room op he's making time to do something for himself while the children sleep

[CatchersAndDreams]

I'm sure it is annoying. All I can think is thank fuck I'm single and can set my alarm for whatever time I want without anyone grumbling at me if I want to get up early and workout. I don't get up early and work out but it's nice being able tl do so if I wanted.

[saraclara]

Of course it's unreasonable to wake a partner (and risk waking small children) an hour and a half before their normal waking time, however virtuous the activity one is waking for.

So yes, a watch alarm or vibrating one under his pillow, and then moving around as quietly as possible is the thoughtful thing to do.

[Shecrazy]

YABVU thinking you're the only one with a demanding job today when he's at home looking after a 1 and 4 year old and the tiny one is ill!

[EightChalk]

@gavinc0328

My two cents is to see if you can adapt to his lifestyle to become yours. If he is moving towards a more positive lifestyle, it's not bad you go for the same, at least give a try. Waking up at 5.30 for workout / exercise is a fruitful experience. I bet you'll love it.

There is no morality attached to the time you wake up.

[NightmareSlashDelightful]

@BlackeyedSusan

Natural consequences: you are too tired to.... Whatever it is that DH wants.

This is giving me flashbacks of my parents’ horrible marriage… 🤣

[Herejustforthisone]

I think it is unforgivable to knowingly fuck with someone’s sleep like this. Sleep is an essential part of health. And he’s gaslighted to you about it with his ‘you were awake’ bullshit.

If he wants to do his workouts, he can get an Apple Watch or equivalent which buzzes on your wrist to wake you, or he can fuck off and sleep elsewhere.

[Mardyface]

My honest feeling on this is that he can do his early work out but needs to find a solution that works for both of you, and that starting a Mumsnet thread about it before work is 100% not going to improve your day. People who agree will make you further annoyed at your H. People who disagree or are fully fledged acolytes in the church of running/the gym are just going to annoy you further.

[AndTwoFilmsByFrancoisTruffaut]

@gavinc0328

My two cents is to see if you can adapt to his lifestyle to become yours. If he is moving towards a more positive lifestyle, it's not bad you go for the same, at least give a try. Waking up at 5.30 for workout / exercise is a fruitful experience. I bet you'll love it.

🙄 not when you’re already severely sleep deprived.

well done though, you win the posts most patronising comment 👍🏼

[RNLD1981]

@Mardyface

My honest feeling on this is that he can do his early work out but needs to find a solution that works for both of you, and that starting a Mumsnet thread about it before work is 100% not going to improve your day. People who agree will make you further annoyed at your H. People who disagree or are fully fledged acolytes in the church of running/the gym are just going to annoy you further.

I agree. I hope you have a good day OP and can discuss with DH later. I'm sure the two of you can reach some sort of compromise

[InTheNightWeWillWish]

YABU but it’s because you’re tired. When you share a bed with someone you’re always more likely to wake up if they are up early/if they are restless in the night. Sometimes you can go back to sleep and sometimes you can’t. If you can’t go back to sleep and you’re already tired then it feels like they’ve been a selfish arse but actually your husband has decided to do something for himself before looking after the kids all day. When DH went back to work after DD was born but she was still waking up several times a night, I remember telling him because he set an alarm and wouldn’t get up. This morning DH got up at the same time to go to the toilet, he then came back to bed and played on his phone for a bit before getting ready, he’d wake me as he got up and got dressed but I dozed. However, because DD is feeling better I don’t blame DH for me waking up.

Tell DH you’re exhausted and that you need to get some sleep over the weekend.