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AIBU?

Husband woke me up with 5.30 alarm so he could do a work out!

414 replies

RooksAndRavens · 07/10/2022 07:20

Dh doesn't work on a Friday. He looks after the dcs, aged 1 and 4. I'm a part time teacher and work on a Friday. My alarm is set for 6.55am and dcs wake up naturally around then too.
Dh has got it in his head that he wants to get up early every morning to do a work out or go for a run. But at 5.30am this morning, his stupid loud alarm went off and woke me up and I couldn't get back to sleep.
I think this is really selfish and unfair of him. I'm the one with a demanding job today and need all the sleep I can get. Dc2 is still in our room and has an awful cough at the moment so that's made sleep difficult this week. And I've been struggling with anxiety badly too recently and obviously that has a knock on effect to sleep.

I told dh that he was being unfair but he said that I was awake anyway (absolutely not true) and that most people are up before I get up anyway. He's also just said hoe much better he feels for doing his exercise routine early this morning... that's great, but he won't be teaching thirty 5 year olds today! I feel so exhausted already.

Am I being totally unreasonable here?

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JaNaJanice · 07/10/2022 09:23

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Nizanb · 07/10/2022 09:24

My partner used to come to bed around 3am and was so loud he woke me up and couldn't get back to sleep this went on for ages before I snapped he now sleeps on the sofa!

Is there a reason he was coming to bed at 3am? My ex used to be at work until those times so would often be getting into bed between 3am-5am. I'd feel really guilty making him sleep on the sofa after he's been working, it's not exactly comfortable.

I think people should stay over at people's houses more often before they settle into relationships, it sounds like lots of people aren't suited in regards to sleep and it's unfortunate for both parties. Sleep is one of the hardest things to compromise on I think.

WonderingMum2 · 07/10/2022 09:25

A vibrating alarm wouldn’t work for me either. Any movement and I’m awake thanks to years of doing all the nights with kids. I crave my own room!

cutthelawn · 07/10/2022 09:26

YANBU, hate this sort of shit. He's being an arse. I always laugh at the responses on these threads as people will justify his behaviour. If he's going to continue it I suggest you and he sleep in seperate rooms on those nights. I am the same and can't get back to sleep after being woken.

Wheresthebeach · 07/10/2022 09:27

I get kinda pissed off if I'm woken up super early - being woken when you're really asleep isn't great and you're knackered all day.

You need a compromise - he needs his exercise, and you need your sleep. A quiet or vibrating alarm should do the trick. I suspect your furious as he's not making an effort to be quiet.

DreamingofGinoclock · 07/10/2022 09:27

I on some mornings set my alarm at 515 to get up and get to gym before school run. It helps my mental health loads of I get up early a few days a week and get some movement it. My husband supports this because he knows how beneficial it is to me (just as I support him running on eves and weekend).

I turn my alarm off within a couple of seconds and get dressed quietly in the dark, sometimes he wakes and falls back asleep and other times he doesn't even stir.

If it annoyed him or disturbed his sleep I would expect him to calmly tell me this and ask if there was a solution that wouldn't disturb him - I would be most displeased if he out right said please don't get up so early.

hangryorhungry · 07/10/2022 09:27

So much anger, bitterness & sniping on this thread.

ScotsWhaHae77 · 07/10/2022 09:28

YABU, if you were exhausted then you would have gone back to sleep. Even if you couldn't sleep you could still lie on bed with eyes closed resting.

Ragwort · 07/10/2022 09:28

It's just yet another reason why sharing a room is so difficult, my DH and I haven't shared for years and we can get up early/late without disturbing the other person. I can remember the seething annoyance in being wide awake yet not wanting to disturb my DH by getting up and getting on with my day... and the same the other way around. Not much help if you haven't got a spare room though.

girlmom21 · 07/10/2022 09:28

hangryorhungry · 07/10/2022 09:27

So much anger, bitterness & sniping on this thread.

That's what happens when you get woken by someone else's alarm I guess

cutthelawn · 07/10/2022 09:29

To be honest I get up around 5:30/6am anyway so it’s not an totally unreasonable time to start your day

Yes but most people don't. Your logic is like saying saying I smoke in the car with my kids anyway so it's fine...

cutthelawn · 07/10/2022 09:30

YABU, if you were exhausted then you would have gone back to sleep. Even if you couldn't sleep you could still lie on bed with eyes closed resting

no you can't actually, you are disturbed and pissed off and then you can't sleep. Laying with eyes closed isn't sleep.

HeavensEmbroideredCloths · 07/10/2022 09:34

I have been woken up by alarms twice in my life for the benefit only of the partner.

First was my ex who had a programme running and was making a very lovely fractal pattern. This is years ago so it had been chuntering away for a while. The alarm went off at about 4am. It never happened again.

Next was DH whose alarm went off at 3 am because he knew some bloke in Asia was going to attacking his settlement in an online civilisation game he was playing called Travain, it almost caused a divorce. It never happened again.

The only positive is that I got to vent and vent big time.

cutthelawn · 07/10/2022 09:37

It's the sort of behaviour men indulge in to punish their wives. And it's always men who have loud alarms. Women creep about if they have to get up early

no they don't. I lived with very noisy women. Go live in house shares before you canonise us. Both genders are difficult.

Clymene · 07/10/2022 09:37

ScotsWhaHae77 · 07/10/2022 09:28

YABU, if you were exhausted then you would have gone back to sleep. Even if you couldn't sleep you could still lie on bed with eyes closed resting.

Tell that to someone who suffers from insomnia. I got 4 1/2 hours last night. I'm knackered but couldn't get back to sleep

Worthyornot · 07/10/2022 09:38

My dh does this sometimes but he is extremely considerate. He sleeps in the other room and takes out his workout clothes and changes there.

garlictwist · 07/10/2022 09:39

I don't think he is being UR to want to exercise at that time. it's a good time of day to do it, I think.

Could he try having just a vibrating alarm under his pillow so it doesn't disturb you?

iekanda · 07/10/2022 09:41

It's sleep theft and extremely inconsiderate when people have busy, demanding and very stressful lives. He needs to avoid waking the rest of the household up.

cutthelawn · 07/10/2022 09:41

YABVU thinking you're the only one with a demanding job today when he's at home looking after a 1 and 4 year old and the tiny one is ill

looking after 30 5 year olds at a professional workplace is much harder than being at home with 2 kids. I know because I have done both.

ScotsWhaHae77 · 07/10/2022 09:44

cutthelawn · 07/10/2022 09:30

YABU, if you were exhausted then you would have gone back to sleep. Even if you couldn't sleep you could still lie on bed with eyes closed resting

no you can't actually, you are disturbed and pissed off and then you can't sleep. Laying with eyes closed isn't sleep.

Yes, that's why i said 'rest' and not 'sleep'

ganvough · 07/10/2022 09:45

Clymene · 07/10/2022 07:39

Because he has set a loud alarm that is likely to wake them all up @5zeds

It's the sort of behaviour men indulge in to punish their wives. And it's always men who have loud alarms. Women creep about if they have to get up early

I get up early to exercise because it's the only time to fit it in. DP just falls back asleep. And he works shifts so will come in when I'm asleep or get up ridiculously early to commute. I fall back asleep too. Your body just adjusts surely?

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 07/10/2022 09:45

So YOUR job is 'demanding' but him looking after the kids isn't? If this was the other way around...

So he wants to work out, just stop getting angry, turn over and go back to sleep. And ask him to put the kettle on when he gets back...

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cutthelawn · 07/10/2022 09:46

Yes, that's why i said 'rest' and not 'sleep

and rest is nowhere near the same as sleep, you still be exhausted with just rest.

ganvough · 07/10/2022 09:50

cutthelawn · 07/10/2022 09:41

YABVU thinking you're the only one with a demanding job today when he's at home looking after a 1 and 4 year old and the tiny one is ill

looking after 30 5 year olds at a professional workplace is much harder than being at home with 2 kids. I know because I have done both.

Eek you can't think this. It's the argument men have made for years that their jobs are more stressful than women doing child care. And women have worked hard to change that perception. Teaching is really not the toughest job out there anyway (I'd say nursing, factory workers, policing, surgery etc) every job is hard in some way.

MrsMorrisey · 07/10/2022 09:50

Geez. Is it really that bad?

Best him getting up and exercising. Much better for his health.

Does he have to fit exactly with your schedule?

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