Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hubby booked holiday without our baby

377 replies

Lookforstars89 · 06/10/2022 07:37

My husband has booked a holiday ( mon to fri) for us for next year as a surprise for our anniversary which is lovely....until he told me it is just for me and him and our baby (who will be 15months) is staying at home with the grandparents.
I honestly don't know how to feel about this as I wouldn't have dreamed of leaving our baby at home so young to go off abroad. I know he means well but he seems annoyed that I've questioned why he isn't coming and annoyed at to why I have asked him why he didn't ask me first how I would feel about leaving baby at home.
How would you feel if your other half did this?
AIBU to feel a bit annoyed?
I know I probably sound super ungrateful but our baby is only 5 months at the moment and the thought of leaving him for almost a week makes me feel uncomfortable.

OP posts:
CornedBeef451 · 06/10/2022 07:53

I didn't go abroad without the DCs until they were late primary, no way would I have left either of them under two.

Plus I hate surprises so if DH booked a surprise holiday without the toddler I would assume he didn't know me at all.

Beezknees · 06/10/2022 07:53

I'd have felt the same as you.

HotChocolateWithMarshmallows · 06/10/2022 07:54

Ahhh poor bloke - I wouldn't read too much into it. Sounds like he wants to whisk you away for a romantic holiday, how lovely!

He probably thinks that by time baby is 15 months, you'll be ok leaving them with grandparents - and for all you know, you may be ok with this then. You can always have 5 min video calls each day to check in if you're worried?

Beezknees · 06/10/2022 07:54

Don't let people on this thread pressure you into going if you don't want to. There's no way I'd have gone abroad for a week without my DC when they were that age. There is no "right" answer, some people are fine with it and some aren't.

AnneLovesGilbert · 06/10/2022 07:55

Wouldn’t have occurred to either of us to do this, we wouldn’t have wavywe that long away f

sweatyannie · 06/10/2022 07:56

By the time your baby is 15 months you will welcome the break 🤣

AnneLovesGilbert · 06/10/2022 07:56

We wouldn’t have wanted that long away from her. He shouldn’t have booked without checking. He shouldn’t be annoyed you’re not happy about it. It’s not nice to force something on someone they don’t want and being shitty about them being honest ruins the whole idea.

AnneLovesGilbert · 06/10/2022 07:57

sweatyannie · 06/10/2022 07:56

By the time your baby is 15 months you will welcome the break 🤣

That’s so patronising. Maybe she won’t. I wouldn’t have.

Beezknees · 06/10/2022 07:58

sweatyannie · 06/10/2022 07:56

By the time your baby is 15 months you will welcome the break 🤣

Not necessarily. I wouldn't have wanted to be away from my child at that age.

Dancingjane · 06/10/2022 07:58

sandgrown · 06/10/2022 07:46

Your baby will be older and more independent by then . You have time to establish a good relationship with grandparents. I think your husband was trying to do something nice and to allow you to have time as a couple. This is important even when you have children. There will be lot of opportunities to have holidays with your baby .

Well said.

Heyahun · 06/10/2022 07:58

Omg I must be a terrible mother - I’ve left my daughter since she was 13 months loads. It never would have crossed my mind not to. I went to Glastonbury when she was 15 months for 4 nights it took me a day to read about it then I had an amazing time

ive just gotten back from 5 nights away with my friend (daughters 18 months) have another long weekend booked with husband in a few weeks time abroad- daughter be with my mum.

its also fine if you don’t want to leave your child though - but I think your husband meant well and thought it was a nice present for you and didn’t realise you’d be feeling how you are. I wouldn’t be angry with him About this at all

maybe just wait and see how you feel closer the time.

don’t forget about your relationship with your
Husband either though.

Autumninnewyork · 06/10/2022 07:58

5 days at 15 months?? No bloody way! If baby is incredibly close to grandparents and spends lots of time with them maybe a night or two, but absolutely not 5…

Heyahun · 06/10/2022 08:00

Relax about it not read (doh)

GabriellaMontez · 06/10/2022 08:00

Does he always makes unilateral decisions? Or arrange a 'surprise'? It's a way of getting exactly what he wants.

If not, and this is a one off, I'm sure he'll be able to change it to somewhere else.

I wouldn't be going and I wouldn't be happy with not being asked.

mountainsunsets · 06/10/2022 08:01

Neither of you are wrong - everyone does things differently and feels differently about child-free holidays.

He should have spoken to you first though.

lannistunut · 06/10/2022 08:01

I would be really upset if my DH thought he could make that decision for me, that is not fair.

I would say I didn't want to go, as no way would I have left my 15mo for a week.

Beezknees · 06/10/2022 08:02

Heyahun · 06/10/2022 07:58

Omg I must be a terrible mother - I’ve left my daughter since she was 13 months loads. It never would have crossed my mind not to. I went to Glastonbury when she was 15 months for 4 nights it took me a day to read about it then I had an amazing time

ive just gotten back from 5 nights away with my friend (daughters 18 months) have another long weekend booked with husband in a few weeks time abroad- daughter be with my mum.

its also fine if you don’t want to leave your child though - but I think your husband meant well and thought it was a nice present for you and didn’t realise you’d be feeling how you are. I wouldn’t be angry with him About this at all

maybe just wait and see how you feel closer the time.

don’t forget about your relationship with your
Husband either though.

I don't think anyone is saying that. It's fine to do it if you're comfortable with it. It's also fine not to want to and not to be comfortable with it, and people shouldn't pressure someone into something they aren't comfortable with.

Hotandbothereds · 06/10/2022 08:02

Lookforstars89 · 06/10/2022 07:46

I forgot to add, when I asked if we can add little one on to the booking he said there's a reason we can't take him.
So I can only assume it is an adults only hotel or something 🤔

Can’t you just ask him for the hotel details? Why so vague?

ijustcouldntthinkofausername · 06/10/2022 08:02

@Lookforstars89 Hi, my DH did the same for us when DS was 12mo
We went to Germany for 3 nights/4 days in total. I dreaded it so much. But actually it was really nice for us to spend some quality time together. Don't get me wrong, I missed our boy a lot but he was with my DM, she updated me and sent me pics/videos so I knew he was happy and looked after. And to be honest we were having afternoon siestas to catch up on sleep before going out for beers just us two. It was a nice little and well deserved break.
I did say I won't go away without him again though. We have book a holiday abroad to Spain next year when he will be a couple of months over 2 which I'm looking forward to.

Go and enjoy yourselves, it's not long away from him xx

lannistunut · 06/10/2022 08:02

Does he always makes unilateral decisions? Or arrange a 'surprise'? It's a way of getting exactly what he wants.

Agree with this - he is using the 'surprise' for his own ends.

Quartz2208 · 06/10/2022 08:03

These threads always show that this is one of those that is completely personal choice as it should be. Mine are considerably older than 15 months and I have never felt the need to go away on holiday without them but I wouldnt judge those who do.

The problem is here is that he made a unilateral decision without consulting you and it is a big one. No discussion as to how it going to work just doing it and that for me is a no go.

Talk to him - say you do appreciate it and what he is trying to do but just because he is ready you dont think you are and that is ok

lannistunut · 06/10/2022 08:04

sweatyannie · 06/10/2022 07:56

By the time your baby is 15 months you will welcome the break 🤣

Newsflash: everyone is different.

I did not want a break from my kids, personally.

Hotandbothereds · 06/10/2022 08:04

GabriellaMontez · 06/10/2022 08:00

Does he always makes unilateral decisions? Or arrange a 'surprise'? It's a way of getting exactly what he wants.

If not, and this is a one off, I'm sure he'll be able to change it to somewhere else.

I wouldn't be going and I wouldn't be happy with not being asked.

With a year to think about it?

A lot can change in that amount of time, there’s no need to make such a snap decision about what was planned as a nice surprise.

Schulte · 06/10/2022 08:04

Lookforstars89 · 06/10/2022 07:46

I forgot to add, when I asked if we can add little one on to the booking he said there's a reason we can't take him.
So I can only assume it is an adults only hotel or something 🤔

Ah I was going to suggest adding the baby. Has he not told you where you’re going and what the holiday is?

girlmom21 · 06/10/2022 08:04

At 5 months PP with my first I wouldn't have felt comfortable with the idea. They're entirely different by 15 months. I'd probably be ok with leaving my 13 month old for a couple of nights. I don't think id be comfortable leaving her or my 3yo for 4 nights though, although I guess it wouldn't be a huge deal for them Monday to Friday if they were still in nursery full time.