Hubby booked holiday without our baby

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My husband has booked a holiday ( mon to fri) for us for next year as a surprise for our anniversary which is lovely....until he told me it is just for me and him and our baby (who will be 15months) is staying at home with the grandparents.
I honestly don't know how to feel about this as I wouldn't have dreamed of leaving our baby at home so young to go off abroad. I know he means well but he seems annoyed that I've questioned why he isn't coming and annoyed at to why I have asked him why he didn't ask me first how I would feel about leaving baby at home.
How would you feel if your other half did this?
AIBU to feel a bit annoyed?
I know I probably sound super ungrateful but our baby is only 5 months at the moment and the thought of leaving him for almost a week makes me feel uncomfortable.

Wouldn’t be for me but as a PP said, how is he so unaware about how you would feel about this?! Doesn’t he know you at all? I’d be very clear right now that I wouldn’t be going if you feel that strongly and then at least he can cancel.

Both my toddlers were hard work at 25 months, too much for the GPs.
I'd not want to be away from them for more than a night or two in any case, definitely not five days, and definitely not abroad.
My DH would knew that and understood. Perhaps a well-intended gesture but perhaps shows you are in a different place re parenting atm.

15 months dammit

That's fine for you, but I would not have wanted to be away from my DC at that age. I wouldn't have enjoyed it and I'd have been annoyed at somebody trying to pressure me into it.

I'd love this. It's only 5 days. Baby will be 15 months by then. I can understand not wanting to leave then at 5 months but by then you will be so glad of the break. Won't you be back to work and baby would be spending days at nursery anyway?. Grandparents will probably find it hard!!

@BuildersTeaMaker I think it says something about his stage of bonding with baby. He can still separate the two of you from baby, and think that’s more stress free. To you being separated is more stressful. Like a lot of dads thatll start to change as baby becomes a toddler and more independent from you . It may say something that dad now needs to start to have more time to bond with baby on his own

Utter rubbish, it says absolutely nothing about how he is bonding with the baby!
Wanting to do something baby free in no way means you aren’t properly bonded with your baby! Just because you wouldn’t go abroad without your children does not mean you love your children any more than someone who would.

Firstly, your DS is 5 months atm, I couldn't bear to leave my DD for more than a couple of hours at that point, in a year you will feel different, especially if you are going back to work. You will be more confident to leave him (although you don't feel that now, you will I promise!)

Secondly, it's a nice thought and I'm sure he's been egged on by friends and family, but honestly, my DD 4.5 now and I absolutely would not leave the country without her! Away somewhere in the UK -fine, abroad absolutely not. But you have to decide your level of comfort and I don't think you can do that yet with baby so young

I'd love this. Is this your first baby? I've got three, youngest is 2 months old and tbh I'd probably hand them over to the child catcher if it meant a week abroad child free.

Is there a compromise where you could change the hotel booking to a hotel where you could add your baby closer to the time depending on how you feel? As a pp has mentioned it’s not just about how you feel as by 15 months you may be happy to leave the baby but the baby might be in a really clingy stage or going through a terrible sleep spell where you would feel guilty about leaving them with GP’s.

I wouldn’t be happy either, personally I couldn’t be in a different country to my children as worry something could happen and I couldn’t get back to them quickly

im surprised to hear that so many people have never left their kids ever - even when they are like 5 or 6 years old!! I don’t know how you do it - I need a break every once in a while and honestly wouldn’t cope without it. I also think it’s important to go away and be a couple sometimes like you were pre kids.

i can’t think of a single friend either who doesn’t go away and leave their kids for various events/holidays!

judging by this thread me and my group of friends are not the norm!

anyway I reckon he was trying to do a nice thing for you ! But you feel differently. Don’t think either of you are wrong here !

did you ever tell your husband you felt like this before?? How was he supposed to know !

As a mother I completely agree @C1N1C he should have asked but he wants to spend time with you, yes it will be hard so I would try doing the odd night here or there to build up to it. Our two had little choice sometimes as we both worked shift and FT so had to have the occasional sleep over, now age 11 and 12 they still like to spend the occasional sleep over, it helps them learn a little independence too even though I now work 9-5 and no shifts and miss the horribly when they do go and usually theirs ans grandparents request not because me and DH have plans !
Your DH should have asked if you were OK but he did it probably thinking of you both actually spending some good quality time together and not thinking that he should consider how the separation may feel to you, because a parent child bond of the main carer is different to that of those that aren't, like it or not because it's not 24/7.
When you have children you can loose yourself and your relationship and its relentless for years to come so time should and needs to be carved out to support that relationship

By 15 months I was back at work and DS was with either nursery or grandparents during the day. I wouldn't have chosen it at that age, but if he'd booked it as a surprise with this much advance warning I think I could've planned will enough for it.
I've booked a long weekend abroad for our anniversary in January, it will be out first trip abroad without him, but he's stayed with grandparents for 2/3 nights a few times now in the holidays or when we had to travel to go to a wedding. DS will be 4, I'm pretty confident DH won't think I'm trying to get all the attention back on me!!!

Good points by, among others, Snugglemonkey and BuildersTeaMaker. I would not have been happy at all about this, neither about leaving my child at this age (not that it would have occurred to my dh; neither of us would have wanted this) nor about having the choice taken out of my hands. All the 'aw, he was trying to do a nice thing' and 'just be grateful' posts are both missing that crucial point about OP's lack of choice and agency in this and (tbh) continuing to accept a pretty low bar for men if it's an amazing thing that Must Not Be Criticised for that man to make a unilateral decision that his wife will be separated from her very young child for a week, not at her own choice, and will be grateful for it and enjoy herself. A lot of people have responded quite negatively to the poster further up who suspected the dh might have done this to recentre himself in the relationship, but there is something in that suspicion. 'Couple time', in this case, will presumably mean the OP's undivided attention for the dh.

I would feel happy; you are leaving them with grandparents so baby is in good hands and having some time alone to enjoy yourselves. It is only 4 nights. Husband and I have done it many times and is lovely to be able to connect again without having all the worries and responsibilities.

Talk about getting it wrong! Honestly, I know becoming parents does lack a certain amount of spontaneity in life, but to just book something without discussion seems very presumptuous on his part. I understand the need for time as a couple, but many mums wouldn’t want to leave their baby at 15mths.

The way I see it, you could wait and see how you feel nearer the time, by then you might enjoy a break for a few days and be confident that GP will be fine looking after baby (I suspect GP were asked before he booked the holiday?) Or you compromise and change the booking to somewhere suitable for baby. Or you have a shorter break in the U.K. for a night or two.

It’s sounds to me like your husband wants to spend some alone time with you, do GP babysit the odd night for you to go out and have a meal and spend some time together? MIL used to do this for us and for us it did help our relationship.

He was probably expecting praise for his big ta-da moment and it backfired.

I agree with poster above he finds it easy t separate from baby at the moment and assumed you are the same. The sulky behaviour now is very childish on his part. He really could have talked to you about it first.

I completely agree with your thought

He should have asked you first.

i would probably still go, you have between now and then to get your baby used to staying at GP’s house (which is a great excuse to get in a few child free nights), I wish I had done this with my first born as I was like you and didn’t want to be apart from her, she didn’t really have a night away from me until she was 8 and she got very home sick. I wish I had got her used to it sooner and I wished I had GP willing to help out so I could have a break.

😂just made me spit out me tea laughing, but yes, very true!

Are people saying they've never left their kids ever? I don't think anyone has said that. We're talking about 15 months specifically. My DC is 14 years old and I have left him! But I didn't at 15 months.

At 15 months I would have been ok with this - it's hard to imagine when they are only 5 months old, but by then you'll potentially be back at work and spending longer periods of time away from him. I would have trusted my parents and my kids' god parents to look after mine when they were toddlers but never my FIL - he wouldn't have coped, so I suppose it depends on how you feel about the in-laws.

Would you be more comfortable with a long weekend? Mon-Fri really isn't that long. From the perspective of someone with 3 kids and no childcare options now, I do think it is important sometimes to prioritise some one on one time with your significant other - it's easy to lose sight of your relationship with babies and toddlers on the scene.

We did leave toddler DS with Granny and went overseas for 3 nights but we had discussed it.

Just discuss it with him and go from there.

I also have three, ranging in age from 17 to 7, and while dh and I have been away separately without the children, we have never been away alone together without them. When we go away, they come too (obv that will be changing soon for the older two). Our relationship doesn't appear to have suffered for it.

On a different note, the OP shouldn't be talked into believing that a relationship/marriage needs 'couple time', meaning time away without her very small child (= that her focus on her child means she is neglecting her poor dh and her marriage will collapse and it will be her fault).

Maybe he was just doing a nice thing? Treating the mother of his child to a break?