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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hubby booked holiday without our baby

377 replies

Lookforstars89 · 06/10/2022 07:37

My husband has booked a holiday ( mon to fri) for us for next year as a surprise for our anniversary which is lovely....until he told me it is just for me and him and our baby (who will be 15months) is staying at home with the grandparents.
I honestly don't know how to feel about this as I wouldn't have dreamed of leaving our baby at home so young to go off abroad. I know he means well but he seems annoyed that I've questioned why he isn't coming and annoyed at to why I have asked him why he didn't ask me first how I would feel about leaving baby at home.
How would you feel if your other half did this?
AIBU to feel a bit annoyed?
I know I probably sound super ungrateful but our baby is only 5 months at the moment and the thought of leaving him for almost a week makes me feel uncomfortable.

OP posts:
Blossomtoes · 06/10/2022 19:00

Menwithvenn · 06/10/2022 18:55

Asked my partner about this, his response before I even finished telling him: "he wants sex"

You say that like it’s a bad thing.

girlmom21 · 06/10/2022 19:03

Menwithvenn · 06/10/2022 18:55

Asked my partner about this, his response before I even finished telling him: "he wants sex"

I'd want sex if I had a child-free anniversary week away with my partner too. It's hardly out of the box thinking.

Twiglets1 · 06/10/2022 19:10

Menwithvenn · 06/10/2022 18:55

Asked my partner about this, his response before I even finished telling him: "he wants sex"

He probably does want sex which is perfectly normal and not deviant but maybe he also wants romance or adult conversation or the opportunity for him and his wife to relax together in a nice location without a baby for 4 nights, or toddler as they will be by then.

Menwithvenn · 06/10/2022 19:23

@Twiglets1 @Blossomtoes @girlmom21 it's not a bad thing but the key thing to me is his reaction to her uncertainty about leaving their 15 month old. Whilst it's not unreasonable for him to want sex, alone time, adult company etc it's not unreasonable for her to think she may not want to leave their child at this stage. And he isn't understanding. That's my issue.

BadNomad · 06/10/2022 19:30

I really doubt he's thinking he needs to get her alone, away from the baby to get sex. He's probably just thinking a 15-month-old is a lot different from a 5-month-old, and as it wouldn't worry him to go away for a few nights without the kid, it probably wouldn't bother her. But that's where he's wrong.

TheMoops · 06/10/2022 19:35

Menwithvenn · 06/10/2022 18:55

Asked my partner about this, his response before I even finished telling him: "he wants sex"

And?
That's pretty much why I want a child free holiday every now and then 🤷🏼‍♀️

TheMoops · 06/10/2022 19:37

Some women (such as myself) love spending time with their kids, love holidays with their kids, and would have no desire whatsoever to leave their 15 month old for a few nights.

You can love spending time with your children, enjoy holidays with your children AND enjoy time away from them.
They're not mutually exclusive

Whybot · 06/10/2022 19:38

Just say no . Thank you for the thought but No . Calmly and repeat .
Sad that he thinks he can decide what you want .
Cancellation is not a problem at this time distance. If it is, he will learn to consult. No need to apologise . He made a poor decision , not you.
hugs x

LuckySantangelo35 · 06/10/2022 19:39

Menwithvenn · 06/10/2022 18:55

Asked my partner about this, his response before I even finished telling him: "he wants sex"

@Menwithvenn

and??

don’t we all want sex with our partners??

GloriousGlory · 06/10/2022 19:39

FayeGovan · 06/10/2022 07:39

Id be wondering why my dh didn't actually know me enough to realise i might not like this idea.

This

namechangetheworld · 06/10/2022 19:56

Sometimes I get irritated by DH but then I read posts like this and I realise that I'm bloody lucky. It wouldn't even cross his mind to book a holiday without our children coming too. He knows I wouldnt want to leave them behind (especially not at 15 months!), and he honestly wouldn't want to leave them behind either. It might sound silly to some but family time is the best time for us, and we'd miss them terribly. Children are only small for such a short amount of time - we have the rest of our lives for lovely childfree holidays.

OP, I don't think this would annoy me (a holiday is easily cancelled), but I'd be a bit worried that you and DH seem to be on different pages re family life.

GloriousGlory · 06/10/2022 20:01

Menwithvenn · 06/10/2022 18:55

Asked my partner about this, his response before I even finished telling him: "he wants sex"

What's wrong with that? I enjoy sex with my DH.

But he should know his partner well enough to know if she would be happier with or without the child.

Herejustforthisone · 06/10/2022 20:05

Sometimes I get irritated by DH but then I read posts like this and I realise that I'm bloody lucky

I know, right? Imagine being shackled to an absolute cunt who thinks nothing of booking you a surprise holiday as a present and giving you a year’s notice.

Heyahun · 06/10/2022 20:07

Hahhhh about the poster saying “he wants sex” bit of a mad plan to arrange a trip for a years time just for sex 😂😂

namechangetheworld · 06/10/2022 20:11

Herejustforthisone · 06/10/2022 20:05

Sometimes I get irritated by DH but then I read posts like this and I realise that I'm bloody lucky

I know, right? Imagine being shackled to an absolute cunt who thinks nothing of booking you a surprise holiday as a present and giving you a year’s notice.

Sigh. Presume you meant "imagine being shackled to someone who doesn't know me well enough to realise I would hate a holiday where I had to leave my very young child behind for five days" since that's literally what I said in my post 🙄

been and done it. · 06/10/2022 20:11

lannistunut · 06/10/2022 08:02

Does he always makes unilateral decisions? Or arrange a 'surprise'? It's a way of getting exactly what he wants.

Agree with this - he is using the 'surprise' for his own ends.

How on earth do you know this? He's probably planned what he thinks as a nice surprise for his wife, a bit of couples time- some men have the sensitivity of a brick but it doesn't make them scum of the year.

Noellu · 06/10/2022 20:16

Maybe he wants you to be a couple for a few days instead of mum and dad.

luxxlisbon · 06/10/2022 20:17

Menwithvenn · 06/10/2022 18:55

Asked my partner about this, his response before I even finished telling him: "he wants sex"

Thank god we all have the opinion of your DH. How would we think for ourselves without some random man telling us their view first?

Italiandreams · 06/10/2022 20:19

Its fine if you are ok with leaving your child for 5 days, but the OP should not be pressured to do something she is not comfortable with. I personally would have hated to be away from my children at that age so would have been a rubbish present as I would have been miserable! If you would love it, enjoy but don’t judge someone for feeling differently.

CoveredInCobwebs · 06/10/2022 20:30

TheMoops · 06/10/2022 19:37

Some women (such as myself) love spending time with their kids, love holidays with their kids, and would have no desire whatsoever to leave their 15 month old for a few nights.

You can love spending time with your children, enjoy holidays with your children AND enjoy time away from them.
They're not mutually exclusive

They are if you have limited annual leave. (And if you quoted my full post you would’ve seen that I said that not wanting to leave your child for several nights doesn’t mean you don’t want to leave them at all!)

Menwithvenn · 06/10/2022 20:44

luxxlisbon · 06/10/2022 20:17

Thank god we all have the opinion of your DH. How would we think for ourselves without some random man telling us their view first?

Show quote history

You're welcome!! Us women eh, we're a simple bunch.

On a serious note - as I mentioned in my follow up post, the issue seems to be his response to her unwillingness.

Congratulations to all those who needed to point out how much they love sex. Good for you. That isn't the point. His moodiness shows he is putting this want (presumably alongside a general want to be child free for a bit) above his wife's desire NOT to leave her small child. There's nothing wrong with this of course but his reaction seems odd. Why not attempt to understand her perspective and possibly meet in the middle? The baby is 5mo now, its all very new and some understanding on his part wouldn't go amiss.

Stickworm · 06/10/2022 20:46

Nope. I wouldn’t have left my baby at that age. Some people are happy to and that is absolutely fine but it’s personal choice. YANBU.

Isithotinhere · 06/10/2022 21:07

He's booked a holiday for himself and you, this isn't a selfless gift.

I wouldn't have left my DC at that age for more than one night - and I did sometimes for work - but not out of choice. Easier to leave them for a couple of days when they're older.

Waynettaaa · 06/10/2022 22:28

5zeds · 06/10/2022 07:52

I’d have said “no thank you“. It wouldn’t have been fun for me at all.

This. I wouldn't be going.

Emmalou15 · 08/04/2023 16:04

I would have to say that whilst I'd love to spend some time the two of us I couldn't go abroad and for a week. My children are 6 and 3, the maximum I'd be willing to be away from them is 2 nights and it would have to be within a couple of hours drive. My OH knows and respects that.