Page 13 | Hubby booked holiday without our baby

Lookforstars89 · 2022-10-06T06:37:45+00:00

My husband has booked a holiday ( mon to fri) for us for next year as a surprise for our anniversary which is lovely....until he told me it is just for me and him and our baby (who will be 15months) is staying at home with the grandparents. I honestly don't know how to feel about this as I wouldn't have dreamed of leaving our baby at home so young to go off abroad. I know he means well but he seems annoyed that I've questioned why he isn't coming and annoyed at to why I have asked him why he didn't ask me first how I would feel about leaving baby at home. How would you feel if your other half did this? AIBU to feel a bit annoyed? I know I probably sound super ungrateful but our baby is only 5 months at the moment and the thought of leaving him for almost a week makes me feel uncomfortable.

shipwreckedonhighseas · 06/10/2022 13:07

Not an act of malice here. Just self serving and perhaps not entirely altruistic. Nothing wicked.

Mazzatron · 06/10/2022 13:12

Wow personally I think that it's awful to not discuss this with you before booking something, even if it was a surprise. Having your first child is huge - things are different now. Personally I'd hate it! He should have at least discussed options for a holiday with you and you could have compromised somehow. That's just my (probably unpopular) opinion. I really miss travelling since having my two kids (who are 1 and 3) but I know this part of our life is temporary and I enjoy making family memories instead, even though holidays are not the same as before.

Herejustforthisone · 06/10/2022 13:12

It's not 'nice' its controlling. Why do men get such an easy pass on MN?

😆😆😆

Booking a holiday is abusive now, apparently.

I’m laughing but actually that’s offensive as fuck to women in actual abusive relationships.

Confusion101 · 06/10/2022 13:12

It's understandable you feel like you don't want to leave DC, but its 10 months away. I think 1 on 1 time with DP is so important when kids come along, and so hard to get. You might feel more comfortable about it by the time it comes around. I wouldn't rule it out this early. He meant well, got it slightly wrong, but if he had discussed it with you would you have tiled it out immediately?

Confusion101 · 06/10/2022 13:13

Ruled it out. * typo

LuckySantangelo35 · 06/10/2022 13:17

Twistypine · 06/10/2022 12:29

I think he is still living in the pre-child past and trying to do his best according to that - , maybe he did things like that before you had a baby? -He also sees you’re exhausted and a bit of him does want the old you back, just as a couple. Thank him for a lovely gesture and see what happens in a year - god know there’s so much upheaval at the moment with pandemics, war, and so on anything could happen - including he falls so in love with his child he cant bear to leave him and ends up altering the booking himself.

@Twistypine

lol
so parents who go on holiday and leave their kids with grandparents are not “in love” with their children as much??!

we r on the road to martyrdom with that one….

shit like -
“noooooo I couldn’t possibly come for cocktails girls, i can’t be parted from my kid for a couple of hours cos u know I just love them
sooooo much”

Dancingjane · 06/10/2022 13:22

Herejustforthisone · 06/10/2022 13:04

And some posters are trying to paint this holiday booking as an act of malice…

This place is nutso.

Totally nuts

Notsoglamanymore · 06/10/2022 13:24

I think I would also be a little miffed at this OP. My little one is 17 months and has a fantastic and very close relationship with both sets of grandparents and I still wouldn’t leave him for that amount of time (even if the thought of it sounds wonderful).
As a pp said, when they’re younger they are less aware but at the age mine is now, he’s been incredibly clingy for the past few months, never wants to leave my side and clearly is going through the separation anxiety stage, due to that I’d be really reluctant to leave him more than a day or two xx

Rec0veringAcademic · 06/10/2022 13:32

Lookforstars89 · 06/10/2022 07:46

I forgot to add, when I asked if we can add little one on to the booking he said there's a reason we can't take him.
So I can only assume it is an adults only hotel or something 🤔

I find it very hard to fathom how a grown woman can hand over control like this over her own life. You assume? I'd have blown up over his secrecy, lack of communication prior and after the booking, and his general attitude. He's booked a hpliday, you are going, baby is not, and that's it??

Confusion101 · 06/10/2022 13:34

Rec0veringAcademic · 06/10/2022 13:32

I find it very hard to fathom how a grown woman can hand over control like this over her own life. You assume? I'd have blown up over his secrecy, lack of communication prior and after the booking, and his general attitude. He's booked a hpliday, you are going, baby is not, and that's it??

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Did you miss the part it's a surprise? He's obviously trying to keep the details limited to surprise her, not control her 🙄

girlmom21 · 06/10/2022 13:36

I find it very hard to fathom how a grown woman can hand over control like this over her own life. You assume? I'd have blown up over his secrecy, lack of communication prior and after the booking, and his general attitude. He's booked a hpliday, you are going, baby is not, and that's it??

If she decides to go there's absolute no reason for her to ruin the surprise. She can decide whether to go or not without knowing if it's adults only or they're going snorkelling or anything else.

rookiemere · 06/10/2022 13:39

But at the point it was clear that the "surprise" holiday did not get the reaction planned, this would be the time to talk about what it actually is and why DC can't come.

To me surprises like this are a lot more about the giver than the receiver, a bit like surprise parties.

Coffeetree · 06/10/2022 13:39

Rec0veringAcademic · 06/10/2022 13:32

I find it very hard to fathom how a grown woman can hand over control like this over her own life. You assume? I'd have blown up over his secrecy, lack of communication prior and after the booking, and his general attitude. He's booked a hpliday, you are going, baby is not, and that's it??

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Yeah exactly. I'm trying to understand how the conversation went.

Him: I booked a holiday and arranged childcare so we can be baby-free!

Her: Great but personally I don't want to be without baby for that period. Let's add baby to the booking.

Him: No that will not be allowed, for reasons I refuse to divulge.

Her: Okay.

Really?

Coffeetree · 06/10/2022 13:42

Confusion101 · 06/10/2022 13:34

Did you miss the part it's a surprise? He's obviously trying to keep the details limited to surprise her, not control her 🙄

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Even when she clearly expresses discomfort? You like it's okay to make a loved one uncomfortable and upset, so long as you dress it up as a "surprise"?

Okay pickmeisha.

bigvig · 06/10/2022 13:43

C1N1C · 06/10/2022 07:51

I don't have kids and it might show now... but as an outsider I hear constantly from those that do about being woken up at night, the endless slog, the lack of intimate couples time, the expensive holidays where kids have to be catered for, the reduction in 'fun' activities you used to do while dating...

Obviously kids are great, but these are the negatives I hear. As a couple, we go on a city break a month, as we LOVE travelling, and I would DEFINITELY miss it even with a child that I would love to the ends of the earth.

I get you'll miss your child, and he shouldn't have done it without consulting you, but try to see this as what it is... a husband trying to spend some uninterrupted time with his wife. You get a lot of man-hating comments on here, and now people are trying to tear down an actual good one.

It does show that you don't have children! It's not that easy to leave them for a week at such a young age.

howaboutchocolate · 06/10/2022 13:45

Herejustforthisone · 06/10/2022 13:00

Have you never even left them overnight with their father?

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No, because I haven't needed or wanted to. Also their dad can't breastfeed them. When they're a little older, sure.

howaboutchocolate · 06/10/2022 13:48

rookiemere · 06/10/2022 13:39

But at the point it was clear that the "surprise" holiday did not get the reaction planned, this would be the time to talk about what it actually is and why DC can't come.

To me surprises like this are a lot more about the giver than the receiver, a bit like surprise parties.

This. Surprises like that are only nice if you're the kind of person who likes surprises. Otherwise it's controlling, the giver gets what they want with no thought for the person the gift is meant to be for.

LuckySantangelo35 · 06/10/2022 13:51

bigvig · 06/10/2022 13:43

It does show that you don't have children! It's not that easy to leave them for a week at such a young age.

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@bigvig

nonsense! You don’t just stop loving and wanting to do all the things you’ve always loved doing such as travel just cos you have a kid!

if u loved holidays and travels before having a kid of course you’ll miss them if you stop doing them and you’ll find a way of doing it once you have kids - cos you like it and it’s important to you

that’s my experience and the same for everyone else I know

they haven’t lost themselves on becoming a parent - quite frankly that would be miserable!

howaboutchocolate · 06/10/2022 13:55

LuckySantangelo35 · 06/10/2022 13:51

@bigvig

nonsense! You don’t just stop loving and wanting to do all the things you’ve always loved doing such as travel just cos you have a kid!

if u loved holidays and travels before having a kid of course you’ll miss them if you stop doing them and you’ll find a way of doing it once you have kids - cos you like it and it’s important to you

that’s my experience and the same for everyone else I know

they haven’t lost themselves on becoming a parent - quite frankly that would be miserable!

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I've never left my kids but that doesn't mean I've given up travel. You're extrapolating a lot there.

Children are portable and I've found that I enjoy travel with them more than before I had them in some ways.

Noviembre · 06/10/2022 13:58

That's a shitty thing for him to do. I would not forgive.

sponsabillaries · 06/10/2022 14:01

KarmaStar · 06/10/2022 12:45

You might well be glad of the break by then .
it was a thoughtful gesture to remember your anniversary and book somewhere and arrange child care with family.
try not to throw it back in his face.
go and enjoy a romantic holiday and come back refreshed.build up the time your dc spends with gp slowly so it's not a big change for the dc.

So if I remembered that my husband likes football, and remembered his birthday, and went to great expense and care to book him a season ticket for Stamford Bridge, and ensured that childcare was covered to enable him to go on every match day, would it be ungrateful of him to throw it back in my face because he is an Arsenal fan?

Or is thoughtfulness perhaps a little bit more than remembering a date and spending some cash?

PercyPigInAWig · 06/10/2022 14:04

I would not be happy with that at all, a surprise is supposed to be nice, not fill the recipient with apprehension.
I wouldn't want to leave a 15 month old for 5 days, they could well be still breastfed at that point. I definitely wouldn't go abroad without the baby.

The DH may have wanted to do something nice, but it sounds more like something nice for him, not for the OP. Especially as he then got in a huff about it. I have to say if DH had asked my parents to look after DC ahead of booking a surprise, I'd have expected them both to say to him that he might want to check with me first before booking. If the OP's DH has asked his parents then maybe they could have said something similar (maybe they did and he ignored them?).

I might suggest a compromise such as amending or postponing the trip. Hopefully he hasn't gone and spent family money on something non refundable.

girlmom21 · 06/10/2022 14:05

Noviembre · 06/10/2022 13:58

That's a shitty thing for him to do. I would not forgive.

That's probably why the divorce rate is so high.

Confusion101 · 06/10/2022 14:06

sponsabillaries · 06/10/2022 14:01

So if I remembered that my husband likes football, and remembered his birthday, and went to great expense and care to book him a season ticket for Stamford Bridge, and ensured that childcare was covered to enable him to go on every match day, would it be ungrateful of him to throw it back in my face because he is an Arsenal fan?

Or is thoughtfulness perhaps a little bit more than remembering a date and spending some cash?

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In what world is this the same thing??? Perhaps before kids OP loved surprises, loved holidays away, loved spontanaity and it hasn't occurred to her partner that this might have changed since having a child...
But let's go with the usual MN response... Omg what a selfish male prick, clearly he wants attention for himself, I could never forgive this, divorce the bastard! 🙄🙄🙄 Honestly this site....

sponsabillaries · 06/10/2022 14:09

Confusion101 · 06/10/2022 14:06

In what world is this the same thing??? Perhaps before kids OP loved surprises, loved holidays away, loved spontanaity and it hasn't occurred to her partner that this might have changed since having a child...
But let's go with the usual MN response... Omg what a selfish male prick, clearly he wants attention for himself, I could never forgive this, divorce the bastard! 🙄🙄🙄 Honestly this site....

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Please do show me where I have said any of these things.

I agree with a pp. A gift isn't thoughtful if the recipient doesn't actually want it.