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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hubby booked holiday without our baby

377 replies

Lookforstars89 · 06/10/2022 07:37

My husband has booked a holiday ( mon to fri) for us for next year as a surprise for our anniversary which is lovely....until he told me it is just for me and him and our baby (who will be 15months) is staying at home with the grandparents.
I honestly don't know how to feel about this as I wouldn't have dreamed of leaving our baby at home so young to go off abroad. I know he means well but he seems annoyed that I've questioned why he isn't coming and annoyed at to why I have asked him why he didn't ask me first how I would feel about leaving baby at home.
How would you feel if your other half did this?
AIBU to feel a bit annoyed?
I know I probably sound super ungrateful but our baby is only 5 months at the moment and the thought of leaving him for almost a week makes me feel uncomfortable.

OP posts:
Twiglets1 · 06/10/2022 10:53

Beezknees · 06/10/2022 09:20

If OP doesn't want to, she doesn't want to. Why are strangers online trying to tell her how she should be living? What's right for you might not be right for someone else.

Show quote history

She asked for our opinion and we're giving it.

Some are trying to help her by giving advice about how to build up to 4 nights away, should she want it. If she doesn't she can ignore it and carry on feeling upset with her husband.

CoveredInCobwebs · 06/10/2022 10:55

I would feel incredibly annoyed, and also hurt that my DH didn't know me. We left our oldest for one night when she was 13 months and I was miserable. I couldn't sleep, couldn't wait to get back to her. I would have absolutely hated going away for a week when she was 15 months!

My kids now range in age from 3 - 8 and tbh I still wouldn't want to go away for a week without them. A couple of nights driving distance from home, absolutely. But not a week abroad.

Rosehugger · 06/10/2022 11:01

It's not a week, it's five days, four nights.

luxxlisbon · 06/10/2022 11:08

Go find that thread - where a mother of a 5 month old complains about a family holiday. You won't find it on here.. @PoundShopPrincess

There is literally a post every day about how bad holidays are with kids!
… going away with kids is too stressful to be worth it, it’s just parenting in a different location, not a holiday etc etc etc

It absolutely is speculation when it comes to the posts stating that the husband just wants “rid” of the baby for a week, hasn’t bonded enough with the baby, only cares about baby free sex, is angry/ annoyed if he isn’t going to get it! That’s not an opinion, it’s speculation based on absolutely nothing.

W0tnow · 06/10/2022 11:08

I had to go away for 4 days when one my kids was 2.5. She really missed me. Like really missed me. Her twin and older sister were fine. You might actually be ok with going, but your baby might not. 13 years later I can still hear her on the phone. “Mummy come home?” It broke my heart. Of course she unaffected by it now, but still…

Italiandreams · 06/10/2022 11:09

To be honest, I think the length of time is irrelevant if the OP is uncomfortable. For me the issue is the OP doesn’t want to and shouldn’t feel pressured or made out to be daft for not wanted to leave her child.

ShandaLear · 06/10/2022 11:11

I really don’t think this is a big deal. I think he’s tried to do a nice thing. He’s arranged everything including responsible childcare well in advance and it looks like he may be taking you to some adults only resort where you can have a good relax - contrary to what some people on here think, an adults only resort is more likely to be something like Sandals and less likely to be a sex hotel in Amsterdam - you would hope anyway.

KosherDill · 06/10/2022 11:13

Hibernationsetting · 06/10/2022 07:40

I would think this was a lovely thing for him to have done, and be really looking forward to it. It’s 10 months away, that’s a long time.

This. Plenty of time to do trial runs.

I honestly don't know anyone who hasn't left kids with family members by that age. Children deserve the opportunity to form relationships outside the nuclear family.

PoundShopPrincess · 06/10/2022 11:14

luxxlisbon · 06/10/2022 11:08

Go find that thread - where a mother of a 5 month old complains about a family holiday. You won't find it on here.. @PoundShopPrincess

There is literally a post every day about how bad holidays are with kids!
… going away with kids is too stressful to be worth it, it’s just parenting in a different location, not a holiday etc etc etc

It absolutely is speculation when it comes to the posts stating that the husband just wants “rid” of the baby for a week, hasn’t bonded enough with the baby, only cares about baby free sex, is angry/ annoyed if he isn’t going to get it! That’s not an opinion, it’s speculation based on absolutely nothing.

How odd you're answering a post that doesn't exist. There is no thread on here where a mum complains about her DH booking a family holiday with their 5 month old baby. It doesn't exist. Yy other holiday threads exist but that wasn't the point. Hmm
The speculation comment was about my post which had none of the comments you're referenced.
I can't tell if reading comprehension has fallen or if gfs just want to fight about everything. Either way, please don't tag me again because I don't respond to posters who can't be bothered to even read a post properly. Or to ones trying to derail threads with nonsense whataboutery.

garlictwist · 06/10/2022 11:14

I think it sounds like he tried to do a nice thing.

Some people are OK leaving their kid (your DH clearly is one of them), and some aren't. There isn't a moral high ground here.

By 15 months you'll be back at work and your baby will be in childcare anyway so you might feel differently.

SleeplessInEngland · 06/10/2022 11:18

There is no thread on here where a mum complains about her DH booking a family holiday with their 5 month old baby.

Even if there isn't I'm not sure what that has to do with this thread as the baby in question will be 15 months by the time this holiday happens. I can't tell if reading comprehension has fallen or if gfs just want to fight about everything.

diddl · 06/10/2022 11:18

Is it fine if you are happy to go away for a week child free, of course it is.
Its also fine if you are not .

Well that's the thing really isn't it?

There's no right or wrong-just what individuals want or don't want to do!

I wouldn't have wanted to do it & never did.

That's not to say that husband & I never had time as a couple when the kids were young or indeed time of our own!

GettingItOutThere · 06/10/2022 11:21

no. i would hate this. He should have asked!

shipwreckedonhighseas · 06/10/2022 11:23

Did his mum suggest this surprise to him?

dogmandu · 06/10/2022 11:23

Sounds like he is jealous of the attention you give the baby and is trying to force a situation where he returns to being The Most Important Person.

how strange that you see it like that

girlmom21 · 06/10/2022 11:27

shipwreckedonhighseas · 06/10/2022 11:23

Did his mum suggest this surprise to him?

Whose mom? The babies? I suppose it will be a surprise when his parents leave him for a week.

RealBecca · 06/10/2022 11:28

So he bought himself the holiday he wants in a place he wants to visit, without childcare responsibilities, and he cant amend the booking to accommodate your want to have your child with you?

Sounds like he bought himself a present, not you.

RealBecca · 06/10/2022 11:29

If you want DS there tell him to change the booking and eat the cost of the non refundable hotel.

GraceandMolly · 06/10/2022 11:34

I wouldn’t want to go. In my oponion It’s too long for such a young baby.

DeeCeeCherry · 06/10/2022 11:38

It's not 'nice' its controlling. Why do men get such an easy pass on MN?

Who is anybody to book a complete surprise for somebody, then gaslight them by being annoyed as if by virtue of doing something, another owes you a happy reaction?

This man has assumed his wife wants time away from their baby, and will enjoy that. I guess he wants the time away. But not all women are desperate for extended baby-free time. Doesnt matter what other women would do, if OP isnt happy then she's the right to her feelings.

I would hate this as much as Id hate any implication that I should be super-grateful.

Crunchymum · 06/10/2022 11:39

I wouldn't like it at all.

I'd be back at work (so wouldn't even be sure I'd get the annual leave) but I'd hate that my feelings about leaving my DC had not been discussed or considered.

Very selfish, but dressed up so you can look in the wrong if you question it. So actually quite manipulative too.

sponsabillaries · 06/10/2022 11:43

YANBU. I would have hated this and DH would never have put me in this position.

TheMoops · 06/10/2022 11:44

I would bloody love this! But we prioritise having at least one child free break a year and have done since DS was 6 months.

Perfectly fine if that's not what you're comfortable with although a year is a long time, and you may feel differently then.

Itsnotallblackandwhite · 06/10/2022 11:49

Keep yer knickers on... I said my first thought was that hubby is thinking there will be more sex on a child-free holiday - I also admitted I'm a cynic.

I actually think he is just thinking in black and white terms that a week away without baby will be a nice thing to do, but he's thinking of it from his perspective that if he thinks it will be a good stress-free break so will OP. He might have scheduled in some activities (not bedroom/chandelier based!) that aren't suitable for youngsters? Maybe OP and DP enjoyed more adventure type events pre-DC? who knows? (A: none of us)

Menwithvenn · 06/10/2022 11:49

I think the main issue here is his response when you said you weren't comfortable leaving your baby. Why has he purposefully booked something you couldn't bring baby to, to give you the option? Perhaps he didn't think it through but the cynic in me thinks he did and that this trip is just about what he wants.

I have a 12 month old and I wouldn't be leaving him for that long, even in 3 months - he has a lot of separation anxiety. I get that others would and that's fine but the issue is that you aren't OK with it - and your husband isn't accepting that.