Hubby booked holiday without our baby

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My husband has booked a holiday ( mon to fri) for us for next year as a surprise for our anniversary which is lovely....until he told me it is just for me and him and our baby (who will be 15months) is staying at home with the grandparents.
I honestly don't know how to feel about this as I wouldn't have dreamed of leaving our baby at home so young to go off abroad. I know he means well but he seems annoyed that I've questioned why he isn't coming and annoyed at to why I have asked him why he didn't ask me first how I would feel about leaving baby at home.
How would you feel if your other half did this?
AIBU to feel a bit annoyed?
I know I probably sound super ungrateful but our baby is only 5 months at the moment and the thought of leaving him for almost a week makes me feel uncomfortable.

And maybe if OP knew what the trip was she could decide for herself if it was worth the effort to get DC used to GPs for that length of time and make sure she had finished breastfeeding. But without that information I'd be saying No as well, maybe a "No it's too long but what a lovely thought , perhaps we could go for 2 nights instead " but still a No.

Jesus Christ.

👀

It's a year away and what seems impossible now, might look like a great idea in 12 months time. After being at home for over a year with s baby, you might be dying for some adult time with your husband. Having a baby doesn't mean you have to forget how to be anything but a mother

My dh wouldn’t have done this when dc were that young as he’d know I wouldn’t want to leave them.

But if he booked me a week’s surprise holiday with organised childcare when they were old enough for me to be comfortable leaving them (about 2 or 3 onwards), I’d be absolutely delighted!!

We have been away without the dc a few times and I prefer adult only places or at least quieter places with fewer children.

The biggest issue for me is that he hasn’t given enough thought to what OP would want and how she’d feel about it.

The posts about him being abusive, selfish or controlling are slightly batshit!! I think worst he’s been thoughtless.

I hate suprise holidays. If we are spending family money I want a say in where we go. I would also not want to go away without DC. To me, nice time is family time.

I think how mad I would be depends on what your DH could reasonably expect.Mine knows I hate surprises and don't like being away from DC, so would have no excuse. But either way, you should just refuse to go.

I find it very hard to fathom how a grown woman can hand over control like this over her own life. You assume? I'd have blown up over his secrecy, lack of communication prior and after the booking, and his general attitude. He's booked a hpliday, you are going, baby is not, and that's it??

Shit, i didn't realise that surprise weekend i booked my DH for his birthday was bordering on abusive.

Should I have kicked off at the concert tickets he booked which we're in a city which required an overnight stay?

@DarkShade

surely couple time is also nice too ?

why can’t you do both?

anything could happen - including he falls so in love with his child he cant bear to leave him and ends up altering the booking himself.

Does having a few nights away from your child mean you don't love them as much as parents who never leave them?

wow now someone is saying people who go away and leave their kids love them less. Ffs 🤦‍♀️ I obviously hate my child cus I enjoy alone time and trips away

i breastfeed my child up until 19 months and still went away for a few days here and there ! She was big enough to manage without milk for a few days as it was just a comfort thing that stage

I obviously wouldn’t have went away when she was tiny and needed me .

I think it sounds like heaven tbh and Iv got a 3 year old and a 4 week old 🤣

This is so different per person. Mine is almost 2 and I wouldn't be happy being separated from her for a night. I even miss her when she naps too long! It did take me 8 years to conceive so I do feel that now she's here I really want to enjoy her every day because I missed not having a child for so long.

For us, we don't have much money and have lots of work commitments, so we can't really do lots of holidays. For sure, we would only do one or two 5 day long holidays a year. The few holidays we do I want to spend with DC. I see DP every single evening, but days are busy and don't get to spend quality time with DC every single day.

I can't work out if this is sarcastic or not.

Meh, it didn't quote it.

That's a shitty thing for him to do. I would not forgive.
I can't work out if this is sarcastic or not.

How old are they now if you don’t mind me asking?

Yikes. I’m guessing this isn’t the crowd to admit I have a weekend away to myself every single month and that despite working from home, leave my kid in nursery until the last possible second when he’s in so I get time to get stuff done.

Thanks - yeah, that was my point, better worded. Some "surprise", that. 🙄

Entirely reasonable. You're probably all the more present when with your child because of it.

They're different things to me. I do the nursery thing too, and regularly work away for 2-3 days at a time - but I still would not want to go on a holiday without DC because 5 days would be too long and I prefer holidays with them too. I do not think that any way is better than any other, just that maybe the OP would also be fine with nursery or shorter time away.

My first thought too. Even more so with the added information that it's not suitable for children. I'm imagining one of those sex holiday type places.

Apparently so. It’s no wonder the divorce rate is so high, is it?

The ‘if you can’t leave your child for 5 days you’re a martyr and have lost yourself to motherhood’ crowd is just as bad as the ‘if you put your baby in nursery you don’t love them enough’ crowd.

Some women (such as myself) love spending time with their kids, love holidays with their kids, and would have no desire whatsoever to leave their 15 month old for a few nights. That’s not a position that’s incompatible with also wanting and enjoying adult time alone with husband, friends, colleagues, etc…

That's such nonsense. Not wanting to be away from your 15 month old for 5 days doesn't mean not doing anything for yourself. I wouldn't have entertained 5 days away from my DC at that age, he is now 14 and perfectly independent, as am I. He's staying over at a mate's tomorrow night and I'm seeing friends for a drink.

Asked my partner about this, his response before I even finished telling him: "he wants sex"