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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to pay extra £££ for DSC?

218 replies

Dontwanttopay · 04/10/2022 22:17

Of our current basic overheads my DHs salary covers about 35% so my income pays for 65% of that plus all other extras (going out, entertainment, random extra DC expenses, uniforms, etc...)

His exWs DP has decided that he doesn't want to do his job anymore, so my DHs exW has said that considering they're going to lose that her DPs income, they're going to need more money.

I'm 100% against it. When I was made redundant and we lost my income we never asked for any reduction (considering I'm the higher earner) AND they could claim for UC. Something she'd never let us do, when it could have been handy to have the extra £££ and maybe at that stage we would have gotten more than them.

Any money comes from my income, something I do t have to fork out for THEIR life decisions, and if my DH doesn't want to fight with her, well he's welcome to get a second job.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Scottishskifun · 04/10/2022 22:22

Is your DH paying a fair contribution currently?
If so and it's already above what CMS then his ex can want all she likes doesn't mean she should get it!

properdoughnut · 04/10/2022 22:24

Why the fuck is it coming out your income? It should come out his.

Thehop · 04/10/2022 22:24

Erm, No, no, and more no!!!!

Givenuptotally · 04/10/2022 22:25

We’ll this isn’t your problem. But why do you think that maintenance should be reduced because you were made redundant?

BasicDad · 04/10/2022 22:26

Everything for DC should be coming out of his income, and at an amount that is in line with child maintenance calculators, or more if he wants.

As long as he's paying the right amount or more, they can whistle if they want to demand more.

Dragonskin · 04/10/2022 22:28

Givenuptotally · 04/10/2022 22:25

We’ll this isn’t your problem. But why do you think that maintenance should be reduced because you were made redundant?

I don't think the OP did, just that if they don't get a reduction because OPs earnings go down, they shouldn't expect an increase because the ExW's DPs do either

ironingboredrefusal · 04/10/2022 22:30

BasicDad · 04/10/2022 22:26

Everything for DC should be coming out of his income, and at an amount that is in line with child maintenance calculators, or more if he wants.

As long as he's paying the right amount or more, they can whistle if they want to demand more.

Let's not pretend that in most cases what the CMS says non resident parents pay is the right amount by any means. Especially as it depletes when the non resident parent has more children or lives with someone who has children. It's shocking what non resident parents are told they have to pay and the fact if they go around having more children or live with someone else who has kids that that amount goes down. Should be a set amount of at least £1000 a month to be realistic.

properdoughnut · 04/10/2022 22:31

I agree if he wants to pay more he should earn more. Win win situation for both parties.

Charcy · 04/10/2022 22:31

ironingboredrefusal · 04/10/2022 22:30

Let's not pretend that in most cases what the CMS says non resident parents pay is the right amount by any means. Especially as it depletes when the non resident parent has more children or lives with someone who has children. It's shocking what non resident parents are told they have to pay and the fact if they go around having more children or live with someone else who has kids that that amount goes down. Should be a set amount of at least £1000 a month to be realistic.

Show quote history

£1000 a month? Are you insane 🤣🤣🤣

properdoughnut · 04/10/2022 22:32

And her DP's income is irrelevant too.

Basically they seem to have forgotten that they are their child's parents and they are the ones responsible for paying for them. No one else. Both money grabbers, well suited after all!

properdoughnut · 04/10/2022 22:33

Should be a set amount of at least £1000 a month to be realistic. do you think it costs at least £2000 to raise a child every month? Just the child.

funinthesun19 · 04/10/2022 22:34

Givenuptotally · 04/10/2022 22:25

We’ll this isn’t your problem. But why do you think that maintenance should be reduced because you were made redundant?

She doesn’t. She was just saying that there was no reduction when she was made redundant so why should maintenance increase when the ex’s partner erm, QUITS his job? She’s not saying maintenance should have reduced, she’s just saying that maintenance is irrelevant when it comes to either partner’s incomes.

Midnights · 04/10/2022 22:38

It's irrelevant what her partner earns, and what you earn. It's for your DH and his exW to sort out - if he pays what he should for his income, that's the deal and that's what she gets. It's not his problem her new husband has decided he doesn't want to work!

expat101 · 04/10/2022 22:55

Unless your DH is paying some stupidly small rate for the care cost of his child, my answer would be no. But I think we really need to know how much he is paying to determine if it is fair or not...

Original poster
Dontwanttopay · 04/10/2022 22:55

He's paying what the calculation says

OP posts:
Getreallovey · 04/10/2022 23:01

Of course you’re not being unreasonable ! They should be told to fk right off

Original poster
Dontwanttopay · 04/10/2022 23:03

Yes, basically that @Dragonskin

OP posts:
DoodlePug · 04/10/2022 23:03

The calculation is on the low side, really its the bare minimum. But the only people paying for the child should be their parents, your income is immaterial although I get that you wouldn't reduce your standard of living if he paid more therefore its really your wage making up the shortfall.

Yanbu but if I was the dad I'd consider the amount I was paying and see what I could do to earn more and pay more if it seemed too little.

DottyLittleRainbow · 04/10/2022 23:04

If he is paying what he should already this should be a hard no.

Lol at the PP who suggests minimum £1000 a month 😂😂😂

HelloBambinos · 04/10/2022 23:12

Hell to the NO from me! You are absolutely NOT being Unreasonable. In a nutshell she's saying...'My partner doesn't feel like working anymore but that's ok you can just give us more money can't you? Great, thanks' 🤣🤦‍♀️ this screams CF.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 04/10/2022 23:51

ironingboredrefusal · 04/10/2022 22:30

Let's not pretend that in most cases what the CMS says non resident parents pay is the right amount by any means. Especially as it depletes when the non resident parent has more children or lives with someone who has children. It's shocking what non resident parents are told they have to pay and the fact if they go around having more children or live with someone else who has kids that that amount goes down. Should be a set amount of at least £1000 a month to be realistic.

Show quote history

£1000 per child per month?! I have three kids and don't even earn £3k a month!

AuntSalli · 04/10/2022 23:53

Dontwanttopay · 04/10/2022 22:55

He's paying what the calculation says

And not a penny more ?

Forfukzsake · 05/10/2022 00:00

His children need money. Of course he shouldn't entertain considering it. He has left them. They can whistle for money.

Original poster
Dontwanttopay · 05/10/2022 04:22

He pays about £20 extra (which I know is not a lot) but he's on a lowish salary. £24k

OP posts:
MayThe4th · 05/10/2022 04:33

Sounds like your dh and his ex are on to a pretty good thing here.

She’s expecting her new partner to support her kids and he’s expecting you to support his kids.

And while it IMO is kind of a given that if you live in a household with other people the kids are in part going to be supported by the income of the incoming partner, in no way should that partner be the one responsible for supporting the kids, on either side.

If your dp and his ex are unable to support their joint children then they ought to go out and get better paid jobs. Maybe the ex’s dp is sick of supporting her and her kids as well..

And the poster suggesting a minimum o f £1000 a month CM is having a laugh.