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AIBU?

To not want to pay extra £££ for DSC?

218 replies

Dontwanttopay · 04/10/2022 22:17

Of our current basic overheads my DHs salary covers about 35% so my income pays for 65% of that plus all other extras (going out, entertainment, random extra DC expenses, uniforms, etc...)

His exWs DP has decided that he doesn't want to do his job anymore, so my DHs exW has said that considering they're going to lose that her DPs income, they're going to need more money.

I'm 100% against it. When I was made redundant and we lost my income we never asked for any reduction (considering I'm the higher earner) AND they could claim for UC. Something she'd never let us do, when it could have been handy to have the extra £££ and maybe at that stage we would have gotten more than them.

Any money comes from my income, something I do t have to fork out for THEIR life decisions, and if my DH doesn't want to fight with her, well he's welcome to get a second job.

AIBU?

OP posts:
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Am I being unreasonable?

1841 votes. Final results.

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You are being unreasonable
3%
You are NOT being unreasonable
97%
EricNorthmanYesPlease · 06/10/2022 21:37

Also, how many fathers won't pay the low amount now. Can you imagine if it was £1000 A month, they just wouldn't work.
CMS calculations are low, but you should be able to budget within that.
What I disagree with is multiple children getting a lower amount.
My ex has 2 other kids that stay over 1/3 at his. 1st child is entitled to more than the 2nd, fair enough because heating etc taken into account would be the same for 1 or 2, but our DD is entitled to less again. even though he has her for 0 nights. She should be entitled to more than his 1st daughter.

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SeeYouNextTLol · 06/10/2022 21:58

You have got to support yourself and children, especially if you have found a new DP. If not he must be a useless DP. My DW gets nada for SD but we cope because I work too. And I pay my ex for DD so this backs up OP thoughts. As Tony Montana said ‘fuck em’

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MiniBeesMum · 06/10/2022 22:30

I think that it's a really tricky situation. I don't think that you should have to subsidise their living costs but I have a lot of sympathy for the Ex-W's DH.

I'm a former teacher and "quit" full time teaching about this time 4 years ago. I was on sick leave with WRS as I'd been assaulted by a child who was then treated like royalty by senior leaders and the blame was placed on me (I asked him to stop trying to write on another child's face). Schools are full of systemic bullying, the workload is crushing, the levels of scrutiny is ludicrous and budgets, along with resources, are becoming ever more tight. I was a broken shell when I left. I was unrecognisable as who I really am. It took me 3 years to get the confidence to apply for a jib which was more than entry level but now I'm thriving thankfully.

I'd say he's quitting because he's broken. He will find something else, he'll have transferable skills or he can go into supply (terrible money but he'll get work) he's also employed until the end of December so he has time to sort something out before everyone panics about finances.

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altmember · 06/10/2022 22:49

stickystick · 06/10/2022 21:35

You are absolutely right. Am in this situation myself - NRP has never done any childcare during the week and can’t be forced to do any so it’s on me to pay a fortune for professional childcare so I can work to support myself.

All the people scoffing at £1k a month - that’s not unreasonable at all if there are two kids both in nursery. In London nursery is easily £1500
a month per child. If the NRP is genuinely on min wage then they should be sorting out the childcare - if they are low income then they will qualify for more free hours!

£1k a month is unreasonable if the NRP doesn't earn enough for them to afford it. Full time on NMW is less than £1400 a month. Do you really think it's appropriate that they hand over 2/3rds of their income in child maintenance? If it costs 2x £1000 a month to run a child, then how the hell can they be expected to survive as an adult on the remaining £400? Even for someone earning 30k a year, 1k a month is half their net salary.

And no, they can't sort out the childcare to qualify for more free hours/childcare benefit, because the NRP isn't eligible for that. What would be the best thing (financially) in this situation is for the lower earner to become the resident parent.

Clearly the fairest way to calculate child maintenance is on proportions of income - the way the CMS currently does it.

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Dontwanttopay · 07/10/2022 11:42

Those asking about me claiming UC years ago. Well if had been able.to claim the kids as living with us, we would have received more housing element (and maybe more child element?) But she wouldn't let us put one of them in our claim as she was claiming tax credits.

OP posts:
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rageapplied · 07/10/2022 11:45

You could have challenged that of it was a true 50/50

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rageapplied · 07/10/2022 11:47

Poor choice of word on my part. Strict 50/50 rather than true.

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Shauny098 · 07/10/2022 12:01

ironingboredrefusal · 04/10/2022 22:30

Let's not pretend that in most cases what the CMS says non resident parents pay is the right amount by any means. Especially as it depletes when the non resident parent has more children or lives with someone who has children. It's shocking what non resident parents are told they have to pay and the fact if they go around having more children or live with someone else who has kids that that amount goes down. Should be a set amount of at least £1000 a month to be realistic.

What the hell are you talking about!? What if he earns £1400 a month 😂😂….I honestly don’t know how some of you on here go about life with such crazy ideas of how life should work. Very odd.

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Shauny098 · 07/10/2022 12:09

OhamIreally · 05/10/2022 05:32

Childcare alone can easily cost £1000 per month. It's horrific that CMS doesn't take any account of that.

Yep it can. I can also cost that for the fathers subsequent children in his next relationship, should CMS factor that into their calculation for non resident child 🤦🏼‍♀️….subsequent children barely register into a CMS calculation. In my case DSC gets £590 a month and our 3 children get a reduction of around £18 a month each. DSC was a consequence of a one night stand that we’ve paid around 350k for in 6 years so don’t @ me. (DHwas a previous very high earner but not anymore, she sued us for more money and won a schedule 1 where we paid all her solicitors costs of 45k and our own of 18k, also paid off all her outstanding debt, he earned that money for 3 years n now it’s gone so all that money wasted 🤦🏼‍♀️). I could rant on child maintenance all day long!

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AuntSalli · 07/10/2022 12:15

@Shauny098 good, it’s nice to hear a success story ☺️

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Shauny098 · 07/10/2022 12:23

AuntSalli · 07/10/2022 12:15

@Shauny098 good, it’s nice to hear a success story ☺️

Exactly! Boils my piss seeing all these women saying CM isn’t enough! It’s plenty! Especially when the woman decided to have that child on her own (and in our case SOLELY for money!). I know some don’t want to hear that women are capable of it but that is the cold hard truth. I could go into much more detail…..wage reduction in August back to CMS level, hauled straight back to court to reduce the contact yet has been fine with it for 3 years, all to reduce shared care (thats not going well for her however). DH wanted to do the right thing, always stood by his child and paid even before a DNA test she’s had thousands. The CMS hasn’t changed their income policy since 1998 and the way they operate towards subsequent children is a direct violation of section 2 of the children’s act, their needs are not taken into account at all! And let’s not talk about a mother being able to claim FULL BENEFITS of £1100 a month whilst receiving £2500 a month maintenance 🤦🏼‍♀️

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AuntSalli · 07/10/2022 12:26

Shauny098 · 07/10/2022 12:23

Exactly! Boils my piss seeing all these women saying CM isn’t enough! It’s plenty! Especially when the woman decided to have that child on her own (and in our case SOLELY for money!). I know some don’t want to hear that women are capable of it but that is the cold hard truth. I could go into much more detail…..wage reduction in August back to CMS level, hauled straight back to court to reduce the contact yet has been fine with it for 3 years, all to reduce shared care (thats not going well for her however). DH wanted to do the right thing, always stood by his child and paid even before a DNA test she’s had thousands. The CMS hasn’t changed their income policy since 1998 and the way they operate towards subsequent children is a direct violation of section 2 of the children’s act, their needs are not taken into account at all! And let’s not talk about a mother being able to claim FULL BENEFITS of £1100 a month whilst receiving £2500 a month maintenance 🤦🏼‍♀️

Oh you misunderstood. I meant the success story of her beating your arse in court.

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Shauny098 · 07/10/2022 12:28

AuntSalli · 07/10/2022 12:26

Oh you misunderstood. I meant the success story of her beating your arse in court.

No I fully understood and my comment still stands 🤦🏼‍♀️😂

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Shauny098 · 07/10/2022 12:37

AuntSalli · 07/10/2022 12:26

Oh you misunderstood. I meant the success story of her beating your arse in court.

Out of interest though, why would you think that it’s ok for a woman to do that to man who does nothing but stand by his child, the child wanted for nothing. Like what has happened to you in life for you to be so bitter? What an odd way to look at life.

Also, she hasn’t beat anything because she doesn’t have a penny left! 350k down the drain, the child comes to us in rags and she lives in a council house (not bashing that but she could have bought a house with the amount she’s had) Meanwhile we’ve been careful, invested every penny we’ve had and live comfortably. There were no winners in that situation, certainly not any of the children! Well I suppose if you count 3 years worth of pretty little thing n misguided orders and an endless supply of coke a win then you could say she won 😂

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user443741922 · 07/10/2022 19:10

@Shauny098 because that person is obviously one of the bitter ex's that believe the dad has to move heaven and earth because she said so 😂 then they turn nasty because the world doesn't revolve around them and their child.

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AuntSalli · 07/10/2022 20:00

user443741922 · 07/10/2022 19:10

@Shauny098 because that person is obviously one of the bitter ex's that believe the dad has to move heaven and earth because she said so 😂 then they turn nasty because the world doesn't revolve around them and their child.

Parents world should revolve around their child end of story.
On a micro level if your exes ex is sticking coke up her nose and buying shit on the Internet at your expense that’s her loss and her problem but on a macrolevel it’s wonderful news that she succeeded in court and let’s hope more women exercise that right and have a similar result.

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Shauny098 · 07/10/2022 21:38

user443741922 · 07/10/2022 19:10

@Shauny098 because that person is obviously one of the bitter ex's that believe the dad has to move heaven and earth because she said so 😂 then they turn nasty because the world doesn't revolve around them and their child.

😂😂….definitely the vibe I got. The kind who would target a certain type of high earner and think that she could live off that maintenance for the rest of her life…..come to think of it….Cyril….is that you hun? 😫🤣
Banging on about women should exercise that right more often, she knows fuck all! The only winners were the solicitors and they were a shit show! It would easily be solved by upping the CMS weekly threshold, court was never needed because we ended up paying exactly what the CMS calculator said he would have should it have had that higher threshold. That money should have gone towards building a future for all 4 kids, as it is it went in her greedy lawyers pockets and up her greedy nostrils Just like all future maintenance will do 🤦🏼‍♀️

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AuntSalli · 07/10/2022 22:30

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