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AIBU?

To not want to pay extra £££ for DSC?

218 replies

Dontwanttopay · 04/10/2022 22:17

Of our current basic overheads my DHs salary covers about 35% so my income pays for 65% of that plus all other extras (going out, entertainment, random extra DC expenses, uniforms, etc...)

His exWs DP has decided that he doesn't want to do his job anymore, so my DHs exW has said that considering they're going to lose that her DPs income, they're going to need more money.

I'm 100% against it. When I was made redundant and we lost my income we never asked for any reduction (considering I'm the higher earner) AND they could claim for UC. Something she'd never let us do, when it could have been handy to have the extra £££ and maybe at that stage we would have gotten more than them.

Any money comes from my income, something I do t have to fork out for THEIR life decisions, and if my DH doesn't want to fight with her, well he's welcome to get a second job.

AIBU?

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Beautiful3 · 05/10/2022 07:11

I.wouldn't pay extra no. But I.would check if the child needed anything e.g coat, shoes, clothes etc. It would be obvious from looking at the clothes they brought over each weekend. If the step.father has left his job, then surely they will apply for universal credit?

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gogohmm · 05/10/2022 07:12

Cms unless you are on a high income, doesn't reflect 50% of the cost of raising a child. If your dp is paying for extras on top like uniforms then no he shouldn't have to pay more

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Rocketclub · 05/10/2022 07:14

BasicDad · 04/10/2022 22:26

Everything for DC should be coming out of his income, and at an amount that is in line with child maintenance calculators, or more if he wants.

As long as he's paying the right amount or more, they can whistle if they want to demand more.

This

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Screwcorona · 05/10/2022 07:16

Alternatively can you and dp house the children for more days to help with the cost of raising them?

Child Support is based on his income so is what it is. If it's temporary cash flow issues can your husband give a bit extra for a couple of months? Purely as his children will be struggling. I'd assume that's enough time for ex or her dp to find a job.

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howshouldibehave · 05/10/2022 07:16

His exWs DP has decided that he doesn't want to do his job anymore

He (or she) will have to find a new job then.

What does your DH say about it?

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Raindancer411 · 05/10/2022 07:18

howshouldibehave · 05/10/2022 07:16

His exWs DP has decided that he doesn't want to do his job anymore

He (or she) will have to find a new job then.

What does your DH say about it?

This... you are a step parent, as is the exWs hubby and I don't see why what either of you earn to make a difference. It's down to the ExW to make her DP work if he just has decided he doesn't want to

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Dontwanttopay · 05/10/2022 07:23

I had written a whole post and didn't post, argh!

I agree about the extra day

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Sunnyqueen · 05/10/2022 07:32

Just pay the cms amount and if that's not good enough for her go through them. That's literally what they are there for.

Yabu about the 'he's decided not to work' I highly doubt that's the case, you will just not be privvy to the reasons why he has quit his current job.

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properdoughnut · 05/10/2022 07:33

Is DH saying you should be paying this?!

Surely he just has to say no I'm not paying for your partner's life choices.

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properdoughnut · 05/10/2022 07:33

Sunnyqueen · 05/10/2022 07:32

Just pay the cms amount and if that's not good enough for her go through them. That's literally what they are there for.

Yabu about the 'he's decided not to work' I highly doubt that's the case, you will just not be privvy to the reasons why he has quit his current job.

That's true he may have other reasons.

Still irrelevant though.

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properdoughnut · 05/10/2022 07:34

properdoughnut · 05/10/2022 07:33

That's true he may have other reasons.

Still irrelevant though.

Oops meant to say yes agree. That is what I'd do. She'll loose the £20 extra DH is paying but that's her own fault

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Rabbitbabbit · 05/10/2022 07:36

I mean the CMS calculation is really insultingly low, but if your DH cannot afford to pay much above it then that's fair enough. No absolutely don't have to pay more because her partner quit his job, and like his income shouldn't be taken into account; neither should yours.

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TooHotToTangoToo · 05/10/2022 07:37

Your wage and her dp wage has nothing to do with what he pays. That's in his wage alone. If he's paying what the cms states and the extra £20 then tell her to 'jog on'. Their life choices are absolutely nothing to do with you or your wage

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Shmithecat2 · 05/10/2022 07:38

Givenuptotally · 04/10/2022 22:25

We’ll this isn’t your problem. But why do you think that maintenance should be reduced because you were made redundant?

She didn't say she think it should've been reduced. Only that it would've helped. Which it would've done. They never asked though.

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CourtneeLuv · 05/10/2022 07:40

What do you mean by she wouldn't alloe you to claim UC?

You are letting this woman have far to much say over your lives Confused

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Untitledsquatboulder · 05/10/2022 07:43

At the end of the day, the question is this: is your dh contributing 50% of the real cost of raising his children? If not, then it would be reasonable for him to up his payments if possible.

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Heronwatcher · 05/10/2022 07:45

If your DH is only paying “the calculation” plus £20 I suspect that in fact your DH’s exW’s partner may well have been subsidising your DH’s kids. Again you don’t know the reasons why he has stopped work (he might have been sacked, made redundant or unwell). In the circumstances I don’t think it’s unreasonable for your DH to try to pay a bit more but I agree it shouldn’t come from you- he should do a bit of overtime etc to increase his income- £24k a year is not a massive salary to support 3 (?) kids.

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itsgettingweird · 05/10/2022 07:52

I'd the post was about cost of living and asking a bit more because clubs, clothing and school dinners etc were increasing I'd have 100% said consider it if you can afford it.

But expecting the DH to pay his ex more money for her current DP can quit his job.

Hell no!

Like you said they wouldn't reduce payments (nor should it reduce) if you lost or even decided to quit yours)

Depending on age of kids I'd up their allowance if their lifestyle is changing due to mums DPs quitting.

But no way would I pay the mum more.

The only thing I'm concerned about here and would be watching for signs of is abuse from the DP - there's red flags there of control and financial abuse. His XW may have come through desperation or him forcing her to. Hopefully not but id be considering it as that will affect the children.

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GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 05/10/2022 07:53

Tbh I don’t know why £1000 a month is so funny. If the person paying is a high earner (I realise that’s a big if) and wants the resident parent to live in the same expensive area as they do, then it’s quite reasonable. CM isn’t just about “child only” expenses - it’s about giving the child an overall good standard of living with both partners.

Back to the OP…

This shouldn’t be about you or the ex’s new partner. Your partner and his ex should be supporting the children in whatever way is necessary between them.

Her new partner might not be able to just give up his job if it means their family outgoings can’t be met - it’s a bold thing to do in a cost of living crisis. But equally he’s not the dsc father.

Your partner’s CM is down to what the needs of his children are, or it should be. In reality the CMS calcitonin is based on his earnings but we know this is a bare minimum. Is he able to apply for a better paid job, increase hours etc? Can his ex apply for better paid jobs, increase her hours etc? I realise the answer might be no.

Can dsc spend more of their time with their dad instead?

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properdoughnut · 05/10/2022 07:54

Untitledsquatboulder · 05/10/2022 07:43

At the end of the day, the question is this: is your dh contributing 50% of the real cost of raising his children? If not, then it would be reasonable for him to up his payments if possible.

It doesn't have to be 50% as he still has to pay for a roof over their head and food and clothes when they are with him

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GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 05/10/2022 07:54

*both parents not both partners. And in my first paragraph I’m not talking about CMS calculation, which we all know is rubbish.

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CrystalCoco · 05/10/2022 07:54

ExW is an extremely CF!

I can't even imagine on what planet she thinks this would fly.
The absolute cheek of her to suggest this!

I think your evaluation of the situation is correct, if your DH agrees with ExW then he can get a second job to fund it, see how long he enjoys doing that for.

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properdoughnut · 05/10/2022 07:56

CM isn’t just about “child only” expenses - it’s about giving the child an overall good standard of living with both partners. no it isn't. If the child has a shit home at mums and a good home at dad's that is just the nature of having two homes. If DH's ex's house was amazing it wouldn't mean he got to pay less CMS

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properdoughnut · 05/10/2022 07:57

Tbh I don’t know why £1000 a month is so funny. becuase they also have to pay for the child when they are staying with them. So you are implying that for the time spent at mum's house it costs £2000 a month?

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Dontwanttopay · 05/10/2022 08:02

Well he used to be a teacher and then couldn't handle it so he quit. She's a TA so not making tons of money at all.

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