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AIBU?

To be disgusted by friends salary?

514 replies

Emeraldi · 04/10/2022 15:20

I’ve spent the past week staying at a good friends dog-sitting whilst her and her partner are away on holiday. I mistakenly stumbled across an offer letter for her current job in a drawer whilst I was looking for something else, which set out her salary package. I wish I hadn’t, as I was absolutely shocked to see that she is earning very close to 6 figures and I can’t get it off my mind.

I had no idea she was earning a salary like this, we are both just under 30, she never went to uni whereas I did and I’m not even earning half of her salary and up to my eyeballs in student debt. Naturally I thought I was the higher earner of the two and have always been generous to help her out, such as cheap dog sitting when she’s away, buying her a drink when we’ve gone out etc.

She’s always been very money conscious so I had no reason to believe otherwise. This time she’s even left me a list of “house rules” during my stay about turning off all electrical items at the mains after use and keeping the heating at a set level to reduce heating costs.

It’s clear that she’s been using me to dog sit as she is no doubt paying me far less than she would pay for boarding at a kennels and I think of all the other times I’ve let her off financially for things in the past, like rounds of drinks or when I’ve brought dinner round. AIBU to feel used and to want to get my money back? Not sure how best to approach this. TIA

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

1999 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
86%
You are NOT being unreasonable
14%
Burgerqueenbee · 04/10/2022 15:22

YABU to ask for your money back.
YANBU to no longer offer cut price dog sitting etc.

ncncncnc123 · 04/10/2022 15:22

Why would you think she's 'using' you? Is she a good friend otherwise? I can't really see what you're so angry about, she hasn't lied to you has she?

Pinkandpurplehairedlady · 04/10/2022 15:22

I don’t think you need ‘to approach this’. Presumably you’ve done those things out of choice rather than because she’s directly said she’s skint? It’s seems you’ve made a few incorrect assumptions about her income. Also, how do mistakenly come across an offer letter and accidentally read it?

Littlemissprosecco · 04/10/2022 15:23

You shouldn’t have looked!
Shes still the same person you liked before you knew.
No one’s income is any one else’s business. It certainly shouldn’t cause friendship issues

Whataboutno · 04/10/2022 15:23

What's she's earning is neither here nor there really but the house rules when you are doing her a favour is a bit much. Just refuse next time.

Alarae · 04/10/2022 15:23

Did she ever say to you that she was financially struggling or did you just assume that because you went to university and therefore should earn more?

If she lied about her financial situation then you are fully in the right to feel used. If you made an assumption, well you know what they say what happens when you assume something...

LaTangerina · 04/10/2022 15:23

You accidentally found it in a drawer?
Sounds like you were snooping sorry.
Just stop offering her free dog sitting, free food & free rounds at the pub.
Just because you have a degree doesn't mean you should be earning more than her 🙈
You sound kind of jealous. But don't let yourself be taken advantage of. It sounds like you won't though anymore.

muddlingthrou · 04/10/2022 15:23

Sounds like you were snooping...

OatFox · 04/10/2022 15:24

There's no best way to approach this. You assumed you were the higher earner but never asked. Your friend has never lied to you, she just hasn't told you. The fact that you went through her private information is gross in itself.

In future, up your rates for dog sitting. Don't let her get away with rounds owed etc. You can even mention how you're struggling for cash so that's why you need to up your rates slightly. But don't ever tell her you know how much money she earns and why you feel this is now a problem.

You just sound jealous.

Noviembre · 04/10/2022 15:25

I earn similar. First, nothing wrong with being frugal and turning the lights off. People on good money still buy one another drinks and food. You don't automatically flaunt the cash, you know. That makes you a dick.

Second, you 'assumed' you were the higher earner - how odd. You're simply jealous that your degree is nothing but debt... That's the honest truth. Uni doesn't mean a great job. It means debt, while those who got cracking sooner gain years of experience.

You sound very bitter. I would not want you as a friend if you were going to make such a big deal out of this, especially the spiteful remarks about her not going to uni.

Loachworks · 04/10/2022 15:25

Curiosity killed the cat...

Emeraldi · 04/10/2022 15:25

She hasn’t said she doesn’t have money, but due to her behaviour and lack of university education it seemed perfectly reasonable to assume she was worse off than me.

OP posts:
Badgirlriri · 04/10/2022 15:26

You sound jealous. I would be too but I wouldn’t dream of approaching her about it, she has nothing to apologise for.

YellowTreeHouse · 04/10/2022 15:26

YABU. Don’t be jealous and bitter. Going to university doesn’t mean you’re better than her or that you should earn more either.

You offered cut price services out of choice. A large salary also doesn’t mean someone a shouldn’t be money conscious or not want to waste money on heating.

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 04/10/2022 15:26

You assumed you were earning more because you went to uni? Thats ridiculous. You just assumed you earn more and you were wrong. You don't ask her for any money back. You sound jealous of her salary.

PearlclutchersInc · 04/10/2022 15:26

Now you know so gently start to dial back and perhaps even bow out from the friendship.

If she's displaying "careful" tendencies and taking liberties if you can't cope with that sort of behaviour distancing yourslf may be the best way to go.

Cookiemonstersnana · 04/10/2022 15:26

You don't have to go to uni to earn a good wage.
You are coming across as a snob.
You must have been snooping.

VestaTilley · 04/10/2022 15:27

You shouldn’t have looked. Her salary is none of your business. You sound a bit jealous I’m afraid.

She’s not used you for cheap dog sitting; if you don’t want to do it in future just decline requests.

missbipolar · 04/10/2022 15:27

So you just mistakenly found a letter and read it and it definitely wasn't out of wanting to be nosey but now your pissed she makes more monet then you? It comes across like you think your better then her for going to uni

ReneBumsWombats · 04/10/2022 15:27

I mistakenly stumbled across an offer letter for her current job in a drawer

Mm hmm.

If your friendship wasn't transactional, why does it matter? As long as she would do for you what you do for her.

LuciaPopp · 04/10/2022 15:27

YABVU. You should not have been snooping.

Good for your friend if she has a good job. It's not clear from your post whether you've been subbing her or whether you resent the fact you've been splitting things equally. Things like rounds of drinks- does she also let you off or is it all one way?

Dog sitting- don't do it if you don't want to. Again, it's not clear to me who is doing who a favour here- I am surprised that you charge her at all beyond the cost of the food.

Definitely don't ask for any money from her unless you want to end the friendship.

QuizzlyBears · 04/10/2022 15:27

You sound jealous. You don’t need to approach anything except your sense that it’s ok to read other people’s private documents.

AdoraBell · 04/10/2022 15:27

Her income is none of your business. Just stop doing the dog sitting.

MrsTimRiggins · 04/10/2022 15:27

You’re making yourself sound like a snobby fool.
And don’t lie and say you found that information ‘accidentally’, you were snooping.

gyarados · 04/10/2022 15:27

I earn around the that as well but keep my heating & electric use down because I care about the environment. I would also use a friend to pet sit because I would trust them in my house (or so I thought!)

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