To be disgusted by friends salary?

[Emeraldi]

I’ve spent the past week staying at a good friends dog-sitting whilst her and her partner are away on holiday. I mistakenly stumbled across an offer letter for her current job in a drawer whilst I was looking for something else, which set out her salary package. I wish I hadn’t, as I was absolutely shocked to see that she is earning very close to 6 figures and I can’t get it off my mind.

I had no idea she was earning a salary like this, we are both just under 30, she never went to uni whereas I did and I’m not even earning half of her salary and up to my eyeballs in student debt. Naturally I thought I was the higher earner of the two and have always been generous to help her out, such as cheap dog sitting when she’s away, buying her a drink when we’ve gone out etc.

She’s always been very money conscious so I had no reason to believe otherwise. This time she’s even left me a list of “house rules” during my stay about turning off all electrical items at the mains after use and keeping the heating at a set level to reduce heating costs.

It’s clear that she’s been using me to dog sit as she is no doubt paying me far less than she would pay for boarding at a kennels and I think of all the other times I’ve let her off financially for things in the past, like rounds of drinks or when I’ve brought dinner round. AIBU to feel used and to want to get my money back? Not sure how best to approach this. TIA

OP I am both amused and appalled. Amused that you seriously think that not having a degree means you can't be a high earner and appalled that you assume if you are a high earner you automatically splash cash around when you don't need to.

It's not even free, OP says "Cheap dog sitting".

I think perhaps this woman doesn't have a friend in you.

Maybe she assumes that as you went to university and seem to be generous with your round in the pub, that you are in fact the higher earner?

All I can suggest is you go forward with this new knowledge that she can in fact pay her way and you don't need to put in extra.

Hilarious. I wonder if she chuckles to herself about your snobby attitude towards her.

If I thought a dog sitter, friend or not, had been looking at my personal correspondance I would never have them back in the house.

Did this really happen?

Wait I dog sit all the time for my close friends and family…for free?! Just purely because it’s nice to do things for people you love.

If she’s never actually told you she’s struggling with money then she’s done absolutely nothing wrong on her part, she probably just assumed you were being a nice friend.

lack of university education

///

Ahhhh I often forget this is the branch mark for productive citizen's and no one without a degree will ever do well for themselves.

Clearly you didn't attend charm school OP

I look after my friend’s dogs for free when they go away, because we’re friends. We’re all pretty open about wages and I’ve no issue with being the lowest earner. It’s just not an issue in our friendships.

I'm picturing OP's expression - like a bulldog licking piss off a thistle I reckon 😂

...due to her behaviour and lack of university education it seemed perfectly reasonable to assume she was worse off than me.

It sounds more like you made assumptions about your friend based on your own prejudices and have now been embarrassed as a result.

Bench mark , obv.

Must be my lack of university education making me thick

OP, exam results/university education does not necessarily correlate with a high salary. (I should know - straight A student, first class degree, Masters, PhD....and I'm earning probably about half your friend's salary.). The richest person I know (friend's brother) left school at 16 with zero qualifications.

Don't let jealousy ruin a friendship. The old adage 'comparison is the thief of joy' is very true.

I’m guessing she plays the ‘I’ve got no money’ card, and so you have supported her, buying drinks etc, and now you discover she’s wealthy. Maybe she started off needing the help and got into the habit of being the receiver of gifts. Or she’s a cf taking advantage of your generosity.

I can understand how you feel a bit used if this is the case.

And a rogue apostrophe.

You're miffed that you've treated her as a poor relation, when she actually isn't. And it's on you that you've assumed she must be on less because of her education and behaviour.

For all you know, she might have assuming you're on more, what with your education and behaviour. It doesn't sound like you've treated her like an equal in this regard.

It's perfectly reasonable for her to be frugal. Does she have a partner? You don't know her outgoings.

Plus, given the paperwork appears to be fairly to close to hand (assuming you weren't actively snooping), I'm assuming the job is a fairly recent development. Who knows what she was on before. Would her being on much less before make a difference...?

Now you 'know', by all means scale back on providing things. I couldn't begrudge dog sitting though. It's not even the cost of the kennel, it's just nicer for the dog to stay at home, and as a friend I wouldn't see it saving them money.

Of course, if she's actually using you, it will be apparent when she's annoyed at the lack of free drinks, activities etc.

😂

You sound like my mother in law. She believes those without degree's should be minimum wage earners and never amount to anything.

What difference does it make what she earns? Either help her out because you want to or don't. She isn't using you and she's entitled to have 'house rules'. How presumptive to think that you ought to earn more than her because you went to university, it isn't the golden ticket it's made out to be. You sound jealous and nasty. I'd be so upset if someone I considered a friend changed their opinion of me because of my salary, especially considering how you found out. Do her a favour and stop being her 'friend'.

What a steaming great pile of 💩

What’s her job??

this makes no sense to me at all.

she hasn't lied to you. She lives carefully, which makes sense regardless of how much you earn.

I'm going to hope there's no drip feed and you're not being emotionally blackmailed into doing anything for her.

I can't see what the issue is tbh. I don't know how you came across the info but it might not be a typical month's pay either.

Has to be a wind up, has to be

If not, you are a nosey cow and often people find things they don't like when they're snooping.

Her house rules are entirely reasonable and things like dog sitting or buying someone a drink are things you do for mates regardless of income. You don't sound a very nice person.

Oh and I know a lot of very high earners and the majority didn't go to university, including my own brother who was a multi millionaire before he hit 30.

YANBU

Sounds like your friend knows she’s being a user because if she was earning a decent income, she should never accept you paying for her share all the time.

Stop paying for her drinks and tell her it’s her turn now to sub you for a few years. See what she says to that.

Are you one of these " friends" who look down on their other friends, sees themselves as better than them and keeps them down to try and make themselves feel better.