To be disgusted by friends salary?

[Emeraldi]

I’ve spent the past week staying at a good friends dog-sitting whilst her and her partner are away on holiday. I mistakenly stumbled across an offer letter for her current job in a drawer whilst I was looking for something else, which set out her salary package. I wish I hadn’t, as I was absolutely shocked to see that she is earning very close to 6 figures and I can’t get it off my mind.

I had no idea she was earning a salary like this, we are both just under 30, she never went to uni whereas I did and I’m not even earning half of her salary and up to my eyeballs in student debt. Naturally I thought I was the higher earner of the two and have always been generous to help her out, such as cheap dog sitting when she’s away, buying her a drink when we’ve gone out etc.

She’s always been very money conscious so I had no reason to believe otherwise. This time she’s even left me a list of “house rules” during my stay about turning off all electrical items at the mains after use and keeping the heating at a set level to reduce heating costs.

It’s clear that she’s been using me to dog sit as she is no doubt paying me far less than she would pay for boarding at a kennels and I think of all the other times I’ve let her off financially for things in the past, like rounds of drinks or when I’ve brought dinner round. AIBU to feel used and to want to get my money back? Not sure how best to approach this. TIA

So are you such a sad case your still DISGUISTED bybyour friends salery.

Ask for your money back? Are you joking? Your friend should be asking for her money back. She trusted you with her most personal space: her home. You’re staying there for the week rent-free using her utilities. And she’s paying you too. In return you have to feed and walk a dog. And you re-pay her kindness by snooping through her things. You find information that suggests she’s financially comfortable and has a well-paid job and instead of being pleased for your friend you want start totting up all the Bacardi and cokes that you have bought over the years.

You couldn’t be a worse friend to her if you tried.

Unless you have been lending her money on account of her pleading poverty, I cannot understand for a second what your issue is.

Lots of people ask family or friends to dog sit because they don’t want to use kennels. And people on higher incomes are allowed to manage their heating bills and / or be concerned about saving energy.

Your friend sounds like someone who is modest about her income. You are jealous and frankly there is nothing to approach here. Perhaps you can tell her you were snooping though and then maybe she can decide she wants a more trustworthy dog sitter in the future.

You made some assumptions, and you're mad with her?

You were definitely snooping - you shouldn't have read the letter. You would have known immediately not to read it ... yet you did. Some friend you are!

You shouldn't have read the letter. That was a gross betrayal of trust.

I kind of get where you're coming from now that you know that information though.

It's annoying when people act tight and give the impression they need to worry about money when they don't.

Eg I have a friend who is super super tight and always going on about how much things cost. So, lots of people get the impression from her that she is poor. However she married and, crucially, divorced well so she got a house outright plus spouse and child maintenance so her outgoings are low and she has a lot coming in.

She doesn't act like it though. She presents herself as hard pressed financially. Maybe she herself thinks she is. But she isn't, objectively speaking. She's just tight.

I've been caught out by her previously, just by the drip drip talk about fucking money etc, and subbed her a couple of times on nights out, before I realised that she has no housing costs and effectively a private income and has done for years. And yeah I did feel a bit fucked off that she'd let me buy things for her knowing that I don't have any of that. She could have said no. She could have just bought her own fucking drinks or whatever. But she didn't, and she took off me knowing that I have less than her.

Tbh I'd feel betrayed if a friend of mine did this. Presumably you decided the rate and she accepted, right? How do you know that if you ask for more she wouldn't accept it?

Being environmentally friendly and not use electricity like crazy in this world that's already going doing is having common sense and a bit of respect for the planet.

Awww has it upset you that us thickos without a university education can and often do earn FAR more than a person with a degree?! And^^ we don't even have student loans to pay back.

That's what's up with you OP and you know it.

You were wrong to read the letter.

Being tight and not university educated doesn't make you poor. You made some (pretty snobby)assumptions about her and was wrong.

Stop doing her favours if you like.

YABU to be "disgusted" by your friend's salary.

You don't have to go to university to get well paid. It depends what your qualifications and experience are.

Serves you right for snooping through her private correspondence.

Mistakenly, my arse!!

You are jealous and bitter and not a friend.

Snobbery at its finest 🙄. Any friends I have that are loaded are the ones that barely went to school.

Really? The people I know who barely went to school have mostly ended up with patchy employment and criminal records.

I went to a rough school right enough, but the people who were barely in it when they should have been were bad lads and lassies.

@Wichit All the loaded people I know can't read and write .

Define "loaded"?

Ask for money back????

I'm not a high earner but I make more than a lot of people I grew up with. It's sad, but I had to back away from a lot of people who I used to be friends with because, as it became unavoidably obvious that I had a more lucrative career than they did, they started being weird about it. It started with little remarks about how I never had to worry about affording anything (not true) or how I didn't need to be compensated or paid back for things that anyone else from the group could reasonably have been expected to. It got worse when they started asking me to cover entire costs of trips and meals, and straight out asking for gifts. Sounds weird but a combination of guilt and low self esteem made me go along with it at the time.

OP, if it's really true that your friend has been cheeky with rounds/meal bills, that's not ok and YABU to be annoyed. But her income doesn't "make it worse". You're allowed to feel shocked and bitter about her high salary, but you've got to own your feelings and work out where the feelings stop and any actual injustices begin.

Why

i didn’t go to uni

several friends did

I earn more than them

why did you assume

tbh you shouldn’t have snooped

My dad had practically no education and was only semi literate. He could manage the red top newspapers at a push.

I'm one of four. We all have a decent level of education with degrees and/or professional qualifications.

My dad was a builder and bar perhaps one of my brothers who is on investment banking, he earned far, far more than us. Level of education does not equal a high level of pay.

And yes how rude of you to snoop through her post!

she never went to uni whereas I did and I’m not even earning half of her salary and up to my eyeballs in student debt. Naturally I thought I was the higher earner of the two

Snobby OP, I have a PhD and earn a pittance compared to my brothers who have trades and who work in sales.

Err! why? are you missing your sense of humour?

I think Uni has been sold as some direct route to a high salary and if you don’t go then you will be poor working in a minimum wage job when the reality for most people is the other way round.

You shouldn't be snooping through her personal papers.
It sounds like everything was fine when you could feel superior to her and she was your charity case.
You said you wouldn't have done those things if you knew she had money. Nobody wants to be pittied.

Eh you only do favours if you think people are skint-not a good friend

you do know people without degrees are millionaires-richard branson, alan sugar to name two-actually sugar didnt even finish school

Ha ha !!

My Ex didn't go to Uni and earns almost £200k.

I also didn't go to Uni, I'm self employed and I earn a LOT.

You are nosey snooping around.
Also jealous.
Stop helping out for free.