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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have an argument about mil dressing my son girly?

219 replies

Aleeson · 03/10/2022 20:41

So me and my partner have a 2 yr old son and we are very blessed with grandparents on both ends who regularly spend time with our son, however there are some issues I’m having with my MIL.

Occasionally our son stays at grandparents house, we always pack a bag full of clothes and shoes to go with him for any occasion and there’s plenty of spares. My mil seems to ignore the bag of stuff we provide and constantly dresses him into her granddaughters clothes and SHOES or my sons clothes that were in her house and now are too small (I did request to donate them or give back to me so I can donate them)
What absolutely boiled my blood this time is that me and my partner were away for a few days because of work and we come back to our son dressed like a little girl and wore a jumper
2 sizes too small. Meanwhile she said to us she had a few of her friends come round and they had a good play in the garden (which is lovely) but
he was wearing a raincoat instead of a jacket we provided (it was quite cold in our area) and when we come home after a few hrs we realised our son has a fever of 39.4!!! And what annoys me is that because she does not dress him in weather appropriate or at least his clothes he gets sick and looks like his parents do not care about him at all! Or that we desperately wanted a girl and now trying to dress our son like one! I can’t imagine what her friends think of us, honestly it is quite embarrassing. My partner promised to sort it out with her as I’m tired of repeating the same thing about the clothes as she seems to totally ignore it! But he thinks I’m overreacting and he’s too little anyway to recognise he is wearing skirt over tights with flower pattern (I wish I was joking) but this gets me to the point that I feel like I would rather have my mum him when it’s needed all of the time because this is just humiliating both for my boy and me. AIBU to have an argument over that?

OP posts:
victoriacrosshairs · 03/10/2022 20:45

Is he going to catch the gay?

BillHadersLeftEye · 03/10/2022 20:46

Are you worried she's trying to make him 💅

MarshmallowsOnToast · 03/10/2022 20:48

Putting him in much too small clothes (and more importantly shoes) I think you have a point and would be annoyed about that for his comfort.

But saying a 2yr old is humiliated by wearing flowery clothes is just ridiculous..

Brigante9 · 03/10/2022 20:48

I think it’s definitely odd. Why is she not using the clothes you sent? If you don’t like what she’s doing, then don’t let her have him anymore.

NoHunGosh · 03/10/2022 20:50

As long as he's comfy who cares what he's wearing.

properdoughnut · 03/10/2022 20:51

If you don't like it then stop asking her to look after him. He's just playing dress up.

Grandeur · 03/10/2022 20:51

If you don't mind me asking, OP, what culture/heritage are you from? This could provide a lot more sense to your point of view

BeautifulDragon · 03/10/2022 20:51

It is weird that's she's not using your clothes and dressing him in his female cousin's clothing. Anyone making comments about him 'catching the gay' etc. are being ridiculous, it's clearly strange behaviour.

I don't think you can blame him for being unwell though. Playing outside in a raincoat wouldn't cause him to catch a virus and show symptoms so quickly.

Just find alternative childcare that you are happy with.

Gettingbythanks · 03/10/2022 20:52

Is she elderly? Is it possible she’s getting a little confused? It seems a very odd thing to do, more so him being in clothes that are too small 🤔

GrazingSheep · 03/10/2022 20:52

Is there a reason you don’t ask your own mum to have him if you’re going away?

Grandeur · 03/10/2022 20:52

BeautifulDragon · 03/10/2022 20:51

It is weird that's she's not using your clothes and dressing him in his female cousin's clothing. Anyone making comments about him 'catching the gay' etc. are being ridiculous, it's clearly strange behaviour.

I don't think you can blame him for being unwell though. Playing outside in a raincoat wouldn't cause him to catch a virus and show symptoms so quickly.

Just find alternative childcare that you are happy with.

I think it's because OP described it as "humiliating" for both her and the child.

victoriacrosshairs · 03/10/2022 20:53

He's 2. He's not going to be humiliated.

northstars · 03/10/2022 20:54

My son used to wear his older sister’s handed down clothes, including a flowery jumper and a onesie with butterflies on. They’re just clothes, who cares? Calling it “humiliating” is an extreme reaction.

Would you think it’s “humiliating” if you had a daughter dressed in ‘boys’ clothes too, or is it just boys in girls’ clothes that you find humiliating? and why do you think that is?

bellac11 · 03/10/2022 20:54

This will be one of the threads that gets deleted in the end.

wherearebeefandonioncrisps · 03/10/2022 20:55

It's very odd that she disregards the clothes that you've provided.
She shouldn't be putting your son into girls clothes unless you've specified it .

@victoriacrosshairs please don't be sneery.
It's totally inappropriate for someone, who isn't the parent , to put different clothes on a child to those clothes which had already been provided for.
If someone asked me to look after their daughter and provided me with daughter's clothes , I wouldn't decide to dress them in my grandson's clothes.

rattlemehearties · 03/10/2022 20:55

Give her a good selection of his clothes that actually fit if you don't want this to happen!

I can't believe your comment about this being "humiliating"... why is it humiliating to dress "like a girl"? (Whatever that means... my DS wears pink and sequins and he's still a boy)

FlibbertyGiblets · 03/10/2022 20:55

It isn't about catching the gay. It is about putting the child in unsuitable clothing. I used to rail against girls having to wear skirt when trousers are more practical. Dressing the child in too-small clothing even when the correct size is available is not on - an opportunity for MIL to raise her eyebrows to her chums about the feckless parents dumping their kid on her and look, not even decent clothes provided for him. A pity party type of scenario, with a Greek chorus of aren't you GOOD to help them, aren't they hopeless etc.

TooBigForMyBoots · 03/10/2022 20:55

Are yis royal?

victoriacrosshairs · 03/10/2022 20:55

I was a child in the 70s I must've been humiliated the whole decade as I had to wear my brother's hand me downs. And I was well over 2.

Rachie1973 · 03/10/2022 20:56

I doubt he cares what he’s wearing and you can’t get ill from being in the cold, it can only exacerbate an existing bug.

Echobelly · 03/10/2022 20:56

What's humiliating about looking female?

I do understand it looking bad and being uncomfortable if they put him in too-small stuff though.

blubberyboo · 03/10/2022 20:58

It’s obviously humiliating for OP because other people see it and think she chooses the clothes for her son.
If I see kids out with grandparents I automatically assume their clothes are chosen by the parents.
Some people prefer their kids wearing gender specific clothes and there’s nothing wrong with that. Don’t have to be from a conservative culture.

sound’s as though MIL wanted a grand daughter this time OP

Jazzydrops · 03/10/2022 21:00

Just out of curiosity if he chooses to dress in a similar way as he gets older will you also find that humiliating?
They are just clothes. The only real issue is the size. Have you asked her why she does it? Has he picked them up out of a selection himself and maybe she doesn’t see the harm?

Trollcity · 03/10/2022 21:01

Oh dear, perfect post for everyone to start bullying the OP. It'll all end in tears and end up in the DM.

The PP has an an absolute right to say what clothes her child wears, regardless of who's care he is in, whether it be size, colour, design or gender. When DC is old enough to express an opinion contrary to the parents, then maybe things can change. Until then, parents get to decide.

Toottooot · 03/10/2022 21:01

So why do constantly keep putting him there - dinna like fit she dis - dinna pit him there 🤷🏻‍♀️