Looking for objective advice: MIL is overbearing I think? I have a reception and son, and last summer whilst living in an unsuitable house, I had a breakdown and began to not manage to do basic things, I split with my partner and found it hard. I also got covid and developed long covid at the same time as my mental health took a big dive. She offered to keep my son in his nursery even though it meant her committing to a drive each day four days per week which I was OK with if that’s what she wanted to do / I pay nursery. She would make comments on how to raise him, taking particular offence to my breastfeeding him. She asked me when he was nearly 3 to stop breastfeeding and she would take him for a week if I did but only if I did. I agreed thinking perhaps she was right but ultimately I continued to do it because he wasn’t ready. When she found out she was extremely upset and accused me of holding him back emotionally and treat in him like a baby, no nutritional benefit, only for my own needs, not letting him grow up and confusing him as she treats him like a big boy and im babying him which is making him confused etc, I didn’t react. She had offered to ‘take the load’ off my shoulders by doing a few minor doctors apps when I am working, which I was grateful for until I found myself saying to her I could now take him to his next one as I am starting to recover from long covid and gain some strength and energy back, she told me that she would be attending whether I was happy about it or not. She chose my sons school to ‘help’ and I found myself reporting to her on how well my son slept / ate and it felt like I was the babysitter and not his mum. Now I am getting back on my feet and piecing life back together she is aware I want my son with me overnight all week aside from schedule weds nights and EOW with dad. She suggested that I allow my son to sleep at hers Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday nights so I wouldn’t see my son from Tuesday morning until Friday night. I’d also lose my Saturday nights EOW because she said they’d have day time contact instead on their weekend. So essentially they want to take my son during the week because they don’t think I am capable of having my son ready on time. My son isn’t compliant with me as much as he is 100% compliant with his grandma. I don’t know why! My son and I are very close and he has voiced that he is happy with me and loves being with me more than anyone else and we have a very loving close fun bond and do lots of focussed on him activities which is easy for me as he is my only son. I have told her no. That I am not going to get into a routine and back on my feet if he isn’t with me. That I think many four year old children want to be with mum and struggle to separate, that it is normal to behave for others and not for mum. But yet she still puts pressure on me that we are to ‘review’ my ‘suggestion’ of him livin with me and not having school week with her and I have told her to park the idea that we would do anything like that as he lives with me, his mum. She often undermines me or doesn’t share things with me that would help me to get back on track. When I told her I had come up with a great reward system to tick off tasks in the morning she said that she had been doing stickers and stars since he was tiny! And I thought to myself she should have shared that knowing I was struggling? I also couldn’t find reasonably priced seamless socks and she knew this as I had told her plus I had even downloaded a pattern on Etsy! My son came home in seamless socks and not a word mentioned. I don’t speak to ex DH and so all communication runs through her because he has anxiety and works nights. But still. She is very nice to my face but I get the impression it’s false. She even told me that she wanted to provide all uniforms clean each drop off and I think it’s because she doesn’t think i am competent to even wash a school uniform. My son had a school place but as long covid can play havoc with my health she said she would do the school run and I had to decide upon where I was health wise now and not in the future so I agreed. It crept up, all these subtle undermining of my parenting. This morning my son was out of sorts and had a slightly higher temp and lethargic and so we were late going out the door. He began to fuss about his socks. I thought as timing is important, it would be better for us all to just carry him out in a pair of blue socks & ask grandma to just wipe his face as he began to get belligerent over it and I’d rather he was on time than late due to being fussy and if she can do it in two seconds am I being unreasonable to just ask her to do it if it saves time and tears? I am beginning to dread interacting with her as I know when I fail, she is right there chalking it up. My son is angelic there, in a perfect routine with her, sleeps wonderfully, eats what he is given and has no tantrums. When he is with me? He had tantrums, is non compliant at times, He does eat and sleep well but he certainly doesn’t scoot into bed as early as he does with her. I admin it has left me feeling like a failure. They think I am selfish keeping him with me when I’m not as established in routines as grandma is, and I should think about his best interests. Whilst I know school is vital and to be on time the same, isn’t living with your mum and having a solid grounding in your own home more important? I don’t know if I am being unreasonable in saying no, my son loves with me and that’s the end of it. Routines take time; I am getting better, I am not selfish for wanting my son to live with me surely, I am beginning to really question everything about my parenting. She disagrees with my emotional approach to showing emotions, talking about feelings and showing I’m not a ‘safe’ person by having cried on occasion and him seeing me do so. Or when I’ve been unwell, I have said to him that yes I am unwell. She said her mum cried when she was small and it terrified her, that mums should be strong and never never be anything other than safe and that means not showing emotions. She thinks I give him my problems but I haven’t a clue what she means? That I don’t stimulate him ( I do, we go out, we always read, do crafts, bake and yes iPad too) to not have accidents in front of him (I get dizzy and sluggish from long covid and sometimes fall over) and basically that I am not together enough to be a good mum - she hadn’t said this but it’s strongly implied. She thinks if I cannot regularly have my son complying with me and ready on the dot each day for school then we need to go back and think about her ideas again. I don’t know what to think - help!