To have an argument about mil dressing my son girly?

[Aleeson]

So me and my partner have a 2 yr old son and we are very blessed with grandparents on both ends who regularly spend time with our son, however there are some issues I’m having with my MIL.

Occasionally our son stays at grandparents house, we always pack a bag full of clothes and shoes to go with him for any occasion and there’s plenty of spares. My mil seems to ignore the bag of stuff we provide and constantly dresses him into her granddaughters clothes and SHOES or my sons clothes that were in her house and now are too small (I did request to donate them or give back to me so I can donate them)
What absolutely boiled my blood this time is that me and my partner were away for a few days because of work and we come back to our son dressed like a little girl and wore a jumper
2 sizes too small. Meanwhile she said to us she had a few of her friends come round and they had a good play in the garden (which is lovely) but
he was wearing a raincoat instead of a jacket we provided (it was quite cold in our area) and when we come home after a few hrs we realised our son has a fever of 39.4!!! And what annoys me is that because she does not dress him in weather appropriate or at least his clothes he gets sick and looks like his parents do not care about him at all! Or that we desperately wanted a girl and now trying to dress our son like one! I can’t imagine what her friends think of us, honestly it is quite embarrassing. My partner promised to sort it out with her as I’m tired of repeating the same thing about the clothes as she seems to totally ignore it! But he thinks I’m overreacting and he’s too little anyway to recognise he is wearing skirt over tights with flower pattern (I wish I was joking) but this gets me to the point that I feel like I would rather have my mum him when it’s needed all of the time because this is just humiliating both for my boy and me. AIBU to have an argument over that?

I don't think it's done in malice.

My mum has an ottoman with bits and bobs in, for just in case, which is literally every time we visit. Wet tops, muddy trousers etc.

My son recently came home in a leopard print top and some random trousers. Yes, he has his own backpack with all sorts in but I think part of the fun is raiding nannies ottoman and getting to go upstairs.

Im sure it's harmless. And in all honesty, do you really care about what anyone thinks?

The poor kid needs to wear his own shoes. The flowery stuff wouldn't bother me. Ultimately, if you don't ike it, pay for childcare.

Maybe he is choosing the clothes. 2 year olds are known for their odd fashion sense.
As for clothes that are too small - why not have an afternoon there with your mil to go through the clothes and remove what's outgrown. She might not realise what fits and what doesn't until she dresses him and he could refuse to take it off once it's on (because he is 2...).

OK - a 2 year old doesn’t know to be embarrassed by wearing “girl” clothes - and frankly at 2 there should just be clothes, girls and boys at that age don’t need different cut clothes. You need to get over your hang ups about this.

that said, she seems determined to dress him up rather than put him in clothes that are suitable for what he’s doing, his size and the weather, so she’s not looking after him properly.

dont send him to her again. Visit as a family so she can see him but doesn’t need to dress him.

MIL is doing it to wind you up?

I'm finding the responses here a bit ridiculous, I think most ppl
would find it odd if they sent their son with his own clothes to then find him repeatedly changed into tights and skirts, this is strange behaviour from the MIL
OP your DH needs to be very direct with her or don't leave him with her again.

I think "humiliating" is a stretch, but I do think you are right to be annoyed that your MIL appears to be wilfully ignoring your wishes and dressing him in clothes either too small or inappropriate for the weather, which must make him feel uncomfortable. That needs to stop, so your partner needs to take her task on it.

Of course this is odd. No one would disagree with you. The problem people are taking with this thread is how the OP described it as "humiliating" for her and the child, which people are suspecting is the true motivation for the OPs anger here.

But as the OP isn't engaging with any posts, it's not exactly helping to clear up any misunderstandings.

I mean she sounds odd but I'm not sure what you're so worried about. 2 year olds barely notice their clothes.
I'm also confused by your point about the fever - surely you don't think he caught a temperature from inappropriate clothes? You can only get a fever from a bug, which he will have contracted several days earlier...

A 2yr old wont be humiliated by wearing girls clothes, your projecting your own opinions to make it seem like a 2yr old has an intense reaction to something he isn't even aware of. The main issue here is your MIL not respecting your wishes for him to wear the clothes you send him with, which appear to be the only ones that fit him. Your OH needs to speak to his mother and if she still doesn't listen, you'll have to decide whether or not you want her looking after your son anymore. Simple as that.

My son only ever had clarks shoes measured to his feet at that age. I'd have to insist on mil putting his own shoes on him and not putting him in clothes that were too small in the future. Dont go at it from a 'this is too girly' Pov (although I've also never put a boy in a skirt and tights) and bring it up from the Pov you are worried about his feet/comfort.

The comment acting as though the OP is worried he is going to 'catch the gay' is absolutely ridiculous.

She has a little boy and wants to dress him like a little boy. It's her child and her choices and she provides the clothes for him so it isn't as though she's making her MIL buy these. When her Son is older, he can make the choice and wear as many skirts and dresses as he wishes

It would irritate me too especially as it's been mentioned. Particularly the clothes being small as it's not exactly going to be comfortable for him.

My MIL used to dress my daughter only in clothes that she had brought. That was fine, a bit annoying as not aways weather appropriate or nice, but understandable. However, if she had dressed my son in a skirt and floral tights - I would have been furious !!.. .... This behaviour is very very odd... If I sent my Grandson's home in a skirt, their parents would think I was crazy ?? I would think I was crazy !!!

I don’t understand your mil , why dress him in girls clothes when he has his own clothing , it’s bizarre

If the care she is providing isn't up to your standards then you need to find alternative (paid?!) childcare. I disagree strongly about "girls" clothing, because nobody would bat an eyelid at a girl being put in "boys" clothing. But I do agree with you on clothes that are too small.

Regardless, you aren't happy so pay for childcare where they will put your child in the clothes of your choice.

It's her child and her choices

It's also her DH's little boy and he doesn't seem to care that much. Not sure why the mother's preferences should outweigh the father's.

To get your husband in agreement/actively speaking up, I'd focus on the harm to your child (chilled in too-light coat, uncomfortable in outgrown clothing) rather than your embarrassment. But it really shouldn't be difficult - he wears his own clothes that he brought with him. I'd want that even if the other clothes she lends him were well-fitting and suitable. It's strange that your MIL is habitually doing anything else. Could it be something like dementia or Alzheimers, especially if the granddaughter lives with her and she's picking out the clothes she's familiar with other than the ones you brought? Also, just take the outgrown clothes back; remind her they've too small for anyone in her household or visiting and you know someone who can use them right now. Then donate them.

It's crazy for her to dress him in skirts and tights and I'd be fuming to find my son wearing that when I'd sent suitable clothes for him. Don't the people visiting think it's odd? Is she trying to make some political, gender based statement?

I'm with you on this OP. Why would someone deliberately dress a little boy in girls clothes when his own clothes have been provided.
It comes across as weird and I would not be happy with this

How does it stretch on MN from it being perfectly OK not to let your MIL to see or kiss baby as you are bonding for 6 weeks after birth to suddenly it is OK for her to dress him as a girl and you are not allowed to say anything ? MN mothers 🙄😂

Exactly…I actually think it is very strange behaviour! I choose the clothes my child wears and unless it’s an emergency clothes measure ie own clothes wet or soiled,I would be annoyed!
My daughter dresses her child in a certain way / style and I wouldn’t insult her by putting her child in clothes that I know she is not happy with .

Not wearing warm coats does NOT cause colds, fever or sickness! That's viruses, this is baduc science

He won't have got a fever from not wearing axwarm enough coat ....what a weird comment 🙄

There might be more than one person posting here, and therefore more than one opinion?

Is there any chance he’s picking these clothes when he’s at her house?