To think that commenting on someone's weightloss isn't nice?

[Miajk]

I've lost a fair bit of weight (probably more than 3 stone).

I understand that people of course will notice this but when someone comments on it it makes me feel really horrible.

"You look great lately, you've lost so much weight" - seems nice but just makes me feel like there was something wrong or worse about me before. It validates the way I felt being overweight (like everyone is judging the way I look).

Oddly enough, when someone just says "have you lost weight? You look slimmer/fit/smaller" it doesn't bother me as it's kind of matter of fact. But the implication that I look better due to losing weight bothers me.

I guess there's an extra layer of complexity as I was recovering from an eating disorder when I gained weight. And now it makes me so self conscious and makes me feel like I can never gain the weight back as people are so observant.

Does anyone else feel this way or am I too sensitive?

I know exactly how you feel, op. I hated when people commented on my weight loss. You look so young, healthy, good, keep it up etc. It made me feel awful. I lost weight because I was so ill-they didn’t know that. It’s wrong to comment on weight unless you ask people too.

If I had worked my arse off to lose 3 stone and nobody told me I looked great I would be pissed off. Losing weight is hard and you have to put the work in to get the results, just so happens the results mean I am slimmer. If I had 3 stone to lose it would have meant I was quite overweight before so of course I am going to look better with it off me!

I'm the same. I would just say to someone that they looked well if I noticed that they looked well, for whatever reason. I can remember my sister lost a lot of weight from an Ed and everyone was telling her how well she looked, but she wasn't well at all.

Nobody is going to tell a person of normal weight they look amazing after losing 3 stone because they wouldn’t!

Jonah Hill also spoke about how hurtful he found comments on his weight loss. I think a lot of people don’t get it because they feel that people who are overweight are worth less. It’s a shame we can’t be more tolerant of each other.

www.usatoday.com/story/life/health-wellness/2021/10/15/why-body-weight-loss-comments-need-end-experts/8454290002/

My body is my business, it's not your place to comment on it whether or not the comment is positive or negative.

I'm currently losing weight and am dreading the point where it becomes visible because I know the comments will start.

I think this is the oerfect example of we are all different and like different things. Though people should at least find out if it's intentional loss or not

This is an interesting thread. I agree with you, OP, for what it's worth. I think we have become so focussed on weight loss as always being a "good" thing, and a measure of success that we have lost sight of whether it is ever appropriate to comment on someone's body. I remember once making some asinine comment to a friend on how svelte she was after having her baby, and she just gave me a funny look and said that she had been under a lot of stress. Her father had recently suffered a massive heart attack, and she had had a cancer scare, plus an ectopic pregnancy. I had known all of this, but had still assumed that the weight loss was "good", rather than being the result of a really stressful time.

The people who comment the most are those that are body obsessed themselves. It's all their own insecurities.

I have always found it extremely rude of people to comment on weight loss. The less well they know you, the ruder it is, because they can have no idea whatsoever what is going on with you and whether you would find it useful to be "praised" for it or not. When I used to regularly visit a town I lived in earlier on, I'd meet people I used to vaguely know who used to say this even if I had actually put a bit on!! I usually said "thank you, but it's because I have been very unwell" (or at the time it was relevant, "bereaved") with a smile, and that soon sorted them out😏But it can be very very upsetting and damaging for some people to be met with this from acquaintances, colleagues, friends, family when struggling with weight, health or fitness issues.

(With the possible exception of close friends or family who you have specifically involved in your weight loss or weight/body/health issues and resolutions for encouragement or honesty would be gratefully received, or who are genuinely staging and intervention in an extreme case of weight loss or weight gain.)

*an intervention

I recently lost 2.5 stone and had so many comments from people saying how slim and how good I looked. I enjoyed it tbh, I lost weight to look good and the reinforcement was nice!

YANBU. It's still rude and risky to comment on someone's weight when you have no idea what's been going on. They could have lost weight due to an eating disorder or serious health issue, they could be stung by the implication that there was something unpalatable about their previous weight, and it's just very invasive unless it's a genuine close friend and you talk about personal things like this. It's a dicey topic.

I get what you mean, OP.

I lost about 35 lbs recently during a time away from the office. The first time I went back in, everyone literally gasped like I was walking onto the finale of the Biggest Loser.

It was genuinely mortifying.

I used to love people commenting on my weight loss until I realised it actually started to feed my disordered eating. I was only size 14 UK when I started and ended up being a size 8. Everyone told me how much better I looked but didn’t realise I was eating toddler portions and unhappy to be that size.

I’m now size 12 and a lot happier

I do think the majority of people love the compliments and especially as they have put the hard work in to lose the weight I can see why this can boost people’s confidence

I lost a lot of weight very quickly a couple of years ago. It was scary how fast the weight dropped off. Once my condition was diagnosed and treated, the weight came back over the next few months. I got annoyed by anyone commenting on it as it wasn't an accomplishment, I was genuinely very unwell.

I'm starting on ozempic next week and not looking forward to any comments I am going to receive.

I never comment on people's bodies unasked. If they brought up their weight loss I would congratulate them on achieving a goal but not for being thinner in itself.

I also never congratulate people I assume to be pregnant as have been on the wrong side of that!

Most people do look better after losing weight. Unless they were already slim...

It's one of those things that could make someone's day or really annoy them, depending on them and their situation. I avoid saying anything now unless I know them very well and know they wanted to lose weight, as I have a terrible foot-in-mouth problem and have messed it up too many times! Once it was a mum at school, she had lost weight and looked fitter and was wearing running gear, I said Wow have you lost weight!? in a positive way, wanting to be nice... she looked at me in a shitty way so I panicked that she was ill or something and said "Oh... did you mean to lose weight?" and made it even worse and she never spoke to me again.

Would we say “I like your hair cut.

Well yes, people do say that, and I think genuine compliments are a nice thing. I have said to other women, including strangers, I love your hair/nails/dress, etc and had compliments like that myself too - I wouldn't want all that to disappear. Saying someone's hair looks great is normal surely, and doesn't mean you think it was shit before (unless you're the kind of person to read an insult into everything!). But I can see that weight is a more touchy subject.

I personally wouldn’t comment on someone’s weight loss unless they brought it up themselves.

But having said that, I would personally be a little bothered if I felt no one had noticed I lost the weight. Everyone is different though.

I'm trying to lose 5 stone. I hope I get to the point where people notice and think I look great. I welcome the compliments to be honest.

I do see that it might make some people uncomfortable though, as it's commenting on someone's body. Especially if they've been ill.

I would compliment someone if I'd known they were trying to lose weight or brought it up themselves.

It's tough though because you often see posts here complaining that noone has noticed their weight loss

I experienced this. I lost a massive amount of weight due to illness, I was very close to needing to be tube fed and people used to tell me I looked great. I looked disgusting, I hated how I looked and how I felt.

I lost 3 stone, and am fully aware that I do look better. I look more like ‘me’ and suit the kind of clothes I like better.

Meanwhile, some Other people who are fatter than me look far more gorgeous than me, so it isn’t an absolute that losing weight = better looking.

However I am REALLY careful how I compliment other people if they have lost weight, and observe the difference you note in your OP, because I really do not intend to criticise or judge or comment on how they looked before the weight loss.

I've mixed views on this, personally I only lose weight when I try to so am usually delighted at the comments. I'm aware I take care of myself more, hold my head higher, drink more water so the comments are usually about more than the actual fat loss.

There are always posts in weight loss forums saying 'I've lost x stone and my friend/husband/colleague hasn't acknowledged it, these are usually met with replies saying they're obviously jealous 🙄. This thread shows how some ppl can take the gentlest of comments as an insult so its no wonder ppl don't say anything.

I get sad seeing stories of (usually) women losing weight to show their ex what they're missing....

There are always posts in weight loss forums saying 'I've lost x stone and my friend/husband/colleague hasn't acknowledged it, these are usually met with replies saying they're obviously jealous 🙄. This thread shows how some ppl can take the gentlest of comments as an insult so its no wonder ppl don't say anything.

My DH lost weight, couple of stones, all his mates commented. I lost 8 and everyone was quiet😂 i was well jealous.

Horses for courses, I suppose.

Ugh. I thought I deleted the quoted part. Mn is not loading well today