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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU not to want DSD to come to dinner on my day off ?

233 replies

Glitterbaba · 02/10/2022 20:34

Feel awful saying this and know I’ll get some flack .

I have a DSD who I love . She is sassy and fun and comes over Friday nights and most weekends . She is getting older so doesn’t come as much .

I work 4 - 10 hour days so I can have one day off in the week with DS 10 months.

DSD wants to come for dinner on my day off. This means she will arrive at 3pm and then stay until 10pm. My DH will be at work but he works from home. He finishes around 4.45pm.

I feel so bad but I wish she would come on a day: days when I’m at work ( I get home at 6.30) . This Way I could just chill on my day off. DSD is lovely but I’d love to just be able to have a date night with DH that night or slop around .

I know DH will say - make sure your back by 3.30pm as DSD will be here by 3 . Itwill be me entertaining ! We have a good bond and we usually watch films/ cook together and have fun . But I feel it is me that entertains .

Like most teenagers , DSD controls tv, demands a certain dinner and will want full attention to show us dances and hold court about school.

I feel so bad but I just would rather have no one come over on my day off ! We had DSD over today and it was great . It’s not that I don’t love her but as I said- I’d rather she came on an eve I had work so I could keep my one day off chilled .

AIBU????

OP posts:

ichimedin · 02/10/2022 20:35

you chose to marry a man with a child

Isaidnoalready · 02/10/2022 20:36

Teenager? You dont need to be home for a Teenager

Original poster

Glitterbaba · 02/10/2022 20:36

I suppose it’s my one day where it just my time and I want to keep it that way !

OP posts:

3peassuit · 02/10/2022 20:37

Can she come a bit later so her father can entertain and cook for her?

RunningFromInsanity · 02/10/2022 20:37

Does she want to come every week? I would say every other week would be a good comprise and DH has to
finish work early to be there for ‘family’ time.

Original poster

Glitterbaba · 02/10/2022 20:38

Isaidnoalready · 02/10/2022 20:36

Teenager? You dont need to be home for a Teenager

The thing is , I don’t want to be out to purposely avoid her. She likes to tell me all about her day and for me to watch videos etc . I just find it very intense but i accept it and it’s fine ! I suppose I just wanted my one day off to be chilled.

OP posts:

itsgettingweird · 02/10/2022 20:38

Glitterbaba · 02/10/2022 20:36

I suppose it’s my one day where it just my time and I want to keep it that way !

You have a 10 month old.

Do they parent yourself on your day off?

Didn't think so!

You married someone with a child. Take on the father - take on the child.

Although I wouldn't be rushing home for 3.30. But I wouldn't do that for my own teenage son!

properdoughnut · 02/10/2022 20:38

I know DH will say - make sure your back by 3.30pm as DSD will be here by 3 . Itwill be me entertaining He can fuck off with that.

Gossipxox · 02/10/2022 20:39

I was also going to suggest every other week.. or maybe doing something during the day where she can come along with you and baby

CallMeNutribullet · 02/10/2022 20:39

Do you not get 3 days off a week op?

Yerroblemom1923 · 02/10/2022 20:39

Why can't get dad entertain her?

properdoughnut · 02/10/2022 20:40

Glitterbaba · 02/10/2022 20:38

Show quote history

I hear you but I think you just have to accept she's coming round. Make sure the rest of your day is chilled and don't rush back to entertain her, DH is perfectly capable of looking after his own child. Go get your haircut or something nice.

SudocremOnEverything · 02/10/2022 20:40

ichimedin · 02/10/2022 20:35

you chose to marry a man with a child

this is relevant to the OP having to plan her day around the child, while the DP does what he was going to do anyway, because…

@Glitterbaba I assume that your SD is wanting to come on your day off because she gets more time with everyone, and especially her half sibling.

Could her dad maybe do something to compress his hours so he can finish work another day at 3 and then your SD could spend the afternoon with him and your DS while you work? That way you get a day off and she gets a better contact experience.

Original poster

Glitterbaba · 02/10/2022 20:40

3peassuit · 02/10/2022 20:37

Can she come a bit later so her father can entertain and cook for her?

Her school is just around the corner so she walks over . I don’t mind her being over all weekend at all but I suppose Wednesday was my day I chilled with baby and escaped husband . I hate to think now on a Wednesday the door will go at 3.00 and i will be entertaining. I’m sorry I sound awful .

OP posts:

properdoughnut · 02/10/2022 20:40

Gossipxox · 02/10/2022 20:39

I was also going to suggest every other week.. or maybe doing something during the day where she can come along with you and baby

Nah don't feel you have to spend time with her. She's there to see dad really.

cariadlet · 02/10/2022 20:41

If she doesn't arrive until after school, then you would have already had all day with your ds so she won't spoil that.

I'd watch her dancing and listen to her talk about school but wouldn't allow her to demand a particular dinner or control the tv (not all teenagers are allowed to do that; mine wasn't).

FurAndFeathers · 02/10/2022 20:41

She needs to learn she isn’t the centre of attention. You don’t have to entertain her/watch all her dances etc. I expect that’s why she wants to come if you both focus on her. It will be good for her to see ‘normal family life’

”sorry dsd I need to cook/tidy/take DS to the park so I can’t watch/chat/whatever.”

”sorry dsd but we usually watch x on y days so you’ll have to watch your programme a different time”

and repeat.

you wouldn’t be making your life all about her if she was there full time - she’d have to learn to compromise. It’s a necessary life skill

properdoughnut · 02/10/2022 20:41

Glitterbaba · 02/10/2022 20:40

Show quote history

Well don't. Go out at 230 for a coffee and don't come back till gone 430.

Mamette · 02/10/2022 20:41

Are you talking about one time or every week? If it’s a one off I think you are being massively u.

I would let her come and just tell her you’ll be back by 4 - 4.30, she can entertain herself until then surely.

Rewis · 02/10/2022 20:41

Be out of the house. You don't have to ve at home at 3.30 even if your husband says so. Also, I don't really see why you can't do your own thing? Exchange pleasantries and then go to bedroom to read your book and she can watch Netflix. You don't have to give her your full attention.

Endlessdays · 02/10/2022 20:42

Difficult to say without knowing the age.

Does she need you to watch films with her? My DCs watch things by themselves, they don’t need me to sit with them. I wouldn’t expect to be entertaining them at that age.

However, it is her Dad’s house and really she should be welcome anytime.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 02/10/2022 20:42

If her dad works from home why do you have to be there at all? She can let herself in and grab a snack and do homework til her dad logs off.

properdoughnut · 02/10/2022 20:42

Yerroblemom1923 · 02/10/2022 20:39

Why can't get dad entertain her?

This. Or even can't she entertain herself? Or be bored by herself.

HerRoyalNotness · 02/10/2022 20:42

Is this a one off or every week. Why can’t her FaTHER finish up a bit early when she comes over to spend time with HIS daughter. Funny how they always push the responsibility to the nearest female

Hesleepswiththefishes · 02/10/2022 20:43

We does a teenager need to be entertained

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