AIBU not to want DSD to come to dinner on my day off ?

[Glitterbaba]

Feel awful saying this and know I’ll get some flack .

I have a DSD who I love . She is sassy and fun and comes over Friday nights and most weekends . She is getting older so doesn’t come as much .

I work 4 - 10 hour days so I can have one day off in the week with DS 10 months.

DSD wants to come for dinner on my day off. This means she will arrive at 3pm and then stay until 10pm. My DH will be at work but he works from home. He finishes around 4.45pm.

I feel so bad but I wish she would come on a day: days when I’m at work ( I get home at 6.30) . This Way I could just chill on my day off. DSD is lovely but I’d love to just be able to have a date night with DH that night or slop around .

I know DH will say - make sure your back by 3.30pm as DSD will be here by 3 . Itwill be me entertaining ! We have a good bond and we usually watch films/ cook together and have fun . But I feel it is me that entertains .

Like most teenagers , DSD controls tv, demands a certain dinner and will want full attention to show us dances and hold court about school.

I feel so bad but I just would rather have no one come over on my day off ! We had DSD over today and it was great . It’s not that I don’t love her but as I said- I’d rather she came on an eve I had work so I could keep my one day off chilled .

AIBU????

You don't need to entertain her though. She's not a guest or a visitor, this is presumably one of her homes in practical terms. She'd understand if you want to park up in front of the telly and not watch videos with her, or do something with the baby that she wasn't involved with. You can tell her to just be quiet for a bit if that's what you want.

To be honest yes you do, give it a couple of years and you’ve got a ready-made babysitter there who will be highly invested in your lovely child and have a lovely relationship with them which will allow you and your husband a little bit more freedom than you would’ve had if he hadn’t of had a child when you married him.

Think of the long game here

i do but DSD comes all weekends so I cook, clean, wash , entertain . I don’t have any time alone with baby.
Wednesday is my one day I feel I can escape it all .

And does DH do any of this?

What do you want from the thread? You know you're being a bit unreasonable. But you can't help how you feel.

Yes I was also going to say, why do you need to be home if DH is there?

When my DH is working from home, the DCs just let themselves in and grab themselves a snack. Can you encourage her to be more independent?

“…but DSD comes all weekends so I cook, clean, wash , entertain.”

Why do you choose to do all that? What does he do?

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable no. Why not suggest another day as you want to go out to see friends etc on your day off so another day will be better. She probably prefers to come when you’re there as you do stuff with her, as presume if she comes on a day you’re working until 6.30 then she just sits around on her phone waiting for her dad to finish working?

So will she come every Wednesday or just a one off?
Can you change your work day?

Why don't you say every other Wednesday you need the house to yourself and she comes on a different day.

@HerRoyalNotness
@Mamette

This is every week.

@Hesleepswiththefishes
@properdoughnut
@FurAndFeathers
@cariadlet
DSD seems to want my Full attention. It’s like this weekend . She will sit next to me and talk and talk and show me videos and want to tell me everything. If I take the baby upstairs she comes. If I say I’m going to the shop she comes . It’s very intense . She is 13. I feel I’m entertaining.

You said she coms Friday nights and most weekends. Then you said she’s getting older and doesn’t come as much. Which is it? And how old is she?

Maybe her dad can take her out for dinner if she comes on a Wed, and then you can still have your chill evening. My partner and I both take our son out on our own to give each other a break, its completely reasonable to want some time off in my book!

Like most teenagers , DSD controls tv, demands a certain dinner and will want full attention to show us dances and hold court about school.

Errm this is not most teenagers and I've had 3 of them.

They don't get to demand anything or 'hold court' unless you let them.

Is this a fairly new arrangement that SD or your DH has instigated? Were you asked if it was ok with you if DH is working ?
I would be taking the stance that Wednesday is your only day off without SD there and you want to be free to make plans without having to be governed to be home at a certain time.
I would suggest DH comes up with an alternative day in the week when he is not working so he can entertain his daughter.

I agree you should go out at 2:30. If her own father thinks that an adult needs to be at home to receive a teenager then that's a job for him.

Does your DS have dinner with you on your day off or do you send him away so you can relax?

Very welcome in dads house anytime
Why that means you need to be there i have no idea!
Why don’t you visit a friend / family member and have a relaxing evening with baby and dad can parent his child?
its 1 hour and 45 mins a teenager will be waiting for her dad to finish his WFH - not the end of the world!
Dont feel obliged

So your DH needs to step up and spend time with DS & DSD and you get a complete break

Just read the demands you’ve added
Is she demanding this level of attention from you as she isn’t getting it from dad?

I think it's very sweet that she sees you as family and wants to come when her DF isn't there. I know you would prefer to have time to yourself but it would be so great if you can be the DSM she needs/wants/hopes you can be.
No one is being unreasonable here. You are both entitled to have your needs met. I guess I'm coming from a point of view that even a teen is the child in the situation and it's so good for them when adults reciprocate their feels

I'd honestly just say this week you're knackered and need a bit of quiet time to yourself. Doesn't mean you don't want her there but you have to put yourself first sometimes!

It won't be forever- a couple more years and she probably won't speak to any of you at all! Your husband needs to be the adult that is providing the most 'entertaining' in this scenario and he should be the one to be back for 3.30 no negotiation. His child and his responsibility. But I do think that aside from that you will have to just suck it up, she obviously likes you and enjoys spending time with you. That's a good thing for all of you. One day in the near future she can probably babysit her sibling while you and your DH go out.

@Darbs76 Darbs76
‘I don’t think you’re being unreasonableWhy not suggest another day as you want to go out to see friends etc on your day off so another day will be better. She probably prefers to come when you’re there as you do stuff with her, as presume if she comes on a day you’re working until 6.30 then she just sits around on her phone waiting for her dad to finish working?’

you hit the nail on the head .

I suppose I feel I am the one who does the entertainment. I feel I am the one who cooks and worries and makes her happy whilst DH lays around .

@SadSuzie
i often feel I am the one who gives her the attention and that is why she is mostly stuck to me whilst she is here .

That's weird. Is DH spending any time with her?