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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH says he's leaving me if this continues

332 replies

Pompomqueen · 02/10/2022 17:02

I have an infant and a toddler.

DH told me today 'I can't go on like this, if it continues I'm leaving'

We had 2 arguments this wkend where I felt he was in the wrong. He then said if we have any more he would be leaving me.

First one, he went on a lads night out. Didn't contact me for 16 hrs. I saw he'd been online. Granted I sent a msg in the morning saying no reply to my msg? Instead of 'good night hunny'.... He was like oh sorry didn't realise I had to check in at regular intervals.

Second one, he cleared away everyone's stuff after lunch except mine. I took this as passive aggressive and said so. He shook his head and said I should put my stuff away after using it. Fair enough, but I clear his stuff all the time. He said it was no big deal but I got upset saying it made me feel embarrassed and that it incenuated that I don't pull my weight...
Then he said 'I'm sick of this, I'm going to leave if this contnues'.

I feel unless I am miss happy I have the threat of being a single mother looming over my head.

In those arguments was I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
GreenLeavesRustling · 02/10/2022 17:03

He sounds like a controlling knob.

ExtraOnions · 02/10/2022 17:03

Has he always been like this, or is this a new behaviour ?

lannistunut · 02/10/2022 17:04

YANBU.

Would it be financially very difficult for you if you were a single parent? He sounds pretty unhelpful.

alloutoflunchideas · 02/10/2022 17:04

Let him leave, he sounds like a waste of space

Original poster
Pompomqueen · 02/10/2022 17:04

@ExtraOnions new behaviour. Mainly since having kids.

OP posts:
Emotionalmessy · 02/10/2022 17:05

Call his bluff.

Sounds like he’s a twat and basically threatening to leave you if you dare question him, clearly about going out all night and ignoring you.

Sounds an absolute gem of a husband.

sorry your in this situation but who the f does he think he is acting like that and expecting you to bow down to him . Has he always been like this ?

WoopsIdiditagain1 · 02/10/2022 17:05

Fuck him. Tell him that's fine and give him a suitcase. Don't live on egg shells.

Joshanddonna · 02/10/2022 17:05

You do know he’s a twat don’t you?!

rainbowstardrops · 02/10/2022 17:05

Have you asked him how he'd feel if it was the other way around?!

Emotionalmessy · 02/10/2022 17:05

WoopsIdiditagain1 · 02/10/2022 17:05

Fuck him. Tell him that's fine and give him a suitcase. Don't live on egg shells.

This also 👆

Thepeopleversuswork · 02/10/2022 17:05

Call his bluff and tell him to leave. He’s a controlling, argumentative twat who behaved like a 15 year old. You would be better off without him.

OhIdoLike2bBesideTheSeaside · 02/10/2022 17:07

Thepeopleversuswork · 02/10/2022 17:05

Call his bluff and tell him to leave. He’s a controlling, argumentative twat who behaved like a 15 year old. You would be better off without him.

Exactly this he's being ridiculous you already have 2 kids you don't need a man baby!

Original poster
Pompomqueen · 02/10/2022 17:07

I just can't bear the thought of my children being from a broken home. I will do anything in my power to give them a happy childhood even if I sacrifice my own happiness. I know first hand how traumatic your parents not being together can be. Has anyone been in this situation. Can anyone give me some advice?

OP posts:
caringcarer · 02/10/2022 17:07

If he is nasty like this all the time it will leave you walking on egg shells all the time. That is no way to live. If he wants to go, let him. He would either need to co parents or pay maintenance for both DC. You could probably get UC.

TheOtherBoleynGirls · 02/10/2022 17:08

Knob.

The tidying up - sure, sometimes one of us gets focused on cleaning their plates and the kids and the other adult’s gets left but it’s accidental and in the general scheme of things an absolute non issue.

Going out, it’s only polite to text once or so, surely?

Call his bluff. Tell him, “That’s nice, dear”, and carry on with your day.

PonyPatter44 · 02/10/2022 17:09

How will your children have a happy childhood if they see their mum constantly unhappy, and their dad constantly bullying her? Doesn't sound like much of a recipe for a happy childhood to me.

Emotionalmessy · 02/10/2022 17:09

Pompomqueen · 02/10/2022 17:07

I just can't bear the thought of my children being from a broken home. I will do anything in my power to give them a happy childhood even if I sacrifice my own happiness. I know first hand how traumatic your parents not being together can be. Has anyone been in this situation. Can anyone give me some advice?

Two happy homes are better than one miserable one and your children will pick up On how unhappy you are and if he acts like this in front of them.

I’m not really sure why you have posted if you don’t want something to change.

to answer your question, no your are not in the wrong

TheOtherBoleynGirls · 02/10/2022 17:09

Pompomqueen · 02/10/2022 17:07

I just can't bear the thought of my children being from a broken home. I will do anything in my power to give them a happy childhood even if I sacrifice my own happiness. I know first hand how traumatic your parents not being together can be. Has anyone been in this situation. Can anyone give me some advice?

Trust me, as they grow up they’ll notice and it will be worse. Do you want them to learn that one parent should completely sacrifice themselves and their happiness to keep the other parent on an even keel?

Rocketclub · 02/10/2022 17:10

Emotionalmessy · 02/10/2022 17:05

This also 👆

Show quote history

This and tell him childcare is 50/50

rainbowstardrops · 02/10/2022 17:10

Please don't sacrifice your own happiness and well-being over your children coming from a 'broken home'. They need a happy, loved mum.
Your children will 100% pick up on the situation.
Like others have said, I'd call his bluff.
He's an idiot

toomuchlaundry · 02/10/2022 17:13

What’s he like if you go out?

monicagellerbing · 02/10/2022 17:13

Why come on here asking for advice if you have no intention of leaving him? Your children will pick up on how miserable you are and how controlling he is if you stay.

phishy · 02/10/2022 17:13

Pompomqueen · 02/10/2022 17:07

I just can't bear the thought of my children being from a broken home. I will do anything in my power to give them a happy childhood even if I sacrifice my own happiness. I know first hand how traumatic your parents not being together can be. Has anyone been in this situation. Can anyone give me some advice?

If you’re going to stay, stay. But don’t use your children as an excuse, you must know that they will know on some level that their father is bad to their mum and no matter how much you play at ‘miss happy’ you won’t fool them.

Cornettoninja · 02/10/2022 17:14

Advice for staying with him? Forget any notion you can get him to see things from your perspective, if he was capable of that you wouldn’t have a problem. Make your peace with biting your tongue and putting him first.

Eeiliethya · 02/10/2022 17:14

You need to call his bluff otherwise you'll be gagged for now and eternity.

Don't let this man control you and have you living your life walking on egg shells.

Controlling men are generally cowards, I have no doubt that he is chatting balls and will not in fact leave should you stand up to him. Make him respect you.