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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect this school mum to have paid by now?

272 replies

Lewiscapaldiscat · 02/10/2022 07:55

I sold some of my ds toys to a fellow school mum I know quite well. Not an insignificant amount of money and it belongs to my ds.

she asked for my bank details which I sent, on the day she said she forgot her card reader, would cash be ok, said yes, then she said she’d transfer. All fine. took them to school for her and I haven’t received anything.

i messaged yesterday saying all ok - she replied yes excellent - child is already playing with them and loving them.
I replied great - do you need me to resend my bank details and no response! we agreed the price and confirmed how to pay so no misunderstanding. They are well to do / but little irrelevant since she agreed to pay for them.

im really irritated she could reply saying oh loving them - but not pay or even mention payment - such as oh sorry I forgot or I’ll get it to you now. Nothing - I won’t be able to look at her the same and obviously will chase again for the money but aibu to be so infuriated by this cf behaviour???

OP posts:
Candycanesandpopcorn · 02/10/2022 07:59

Just resend your bank details and say ‘please transfer x amount’ and put ‘thanks !!’ To lighten it if you feel anxious to be direct

DooLallyy · 02/10/2022 08:02

How long has it been?
No YANBU but sometimes busy mums can forget so need a reminder. Also, I've had it before with the card reader thing where I've thought I'd transferred money but there was a final 'confirm' button which I'd missed. So just give her another nudge.

mycatisannoying · 02/10/2022 08:03

I certainly wouldn't need a reminder! How mortifying and cheeky.

Castleheights · 02/10/2022 08:03

The money doesn’t belong to your son. You don’t need to say that. It sounds ridiculous.
What is “well to do” ?
Ask her for them back, say sorry there has been a misunderstanding (although you know there really has not) and that you want them back. You were selling them, not giving them away for free.
I am embarrassed for her … knowing you will see her at school and she hasn’t paid.

Original poster
Lewiscapaldiscat · 02/10/2022 08:05

I reminded her directly straight after she responded saying how much her child was enjoying the toys. I totally get people forget things - but I have reminded and they must be all over her lounge!
she had the items Friday / but I’m not a credit account so was expecting pretty immediate payment.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lewiscapaldiscat · 02/10/2022 08:07

The money has been promised by me to my son as they were his toys. So yes it dies belong to him. I haven’t mentioned this as it’s irrelevant to the other mum / just saying for context.
well to do means I know they aren’t in financial hardship needing Freebies - again for context.

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 02/10/2022 08:10

I'd say if you're not going to pay fir them then I'll have them back to sell on ebay. Lesson learned that you don't give someone sonwthing until they've paid.

Tomorrowisalatterday · 02/10/2022 08:11

It's only been one day!

Just send a reminder

Original poster
Lewiscapaldiscat · 02/10/2022 08:12

RedHelenB · 02/10/2022 08:10

I'd say if you're not going to pay fir them then I'll have them back to sell on ebay. Lesson learned that you don't give someone sonwthing until they've paid.

Agreed but I know her really well. So I thought.
my DH said to just wait so wondered if I was being unreasonable and lacking patience - but I’m not klarna.
im irritated I have to feel uncomfortable chasing - I’ll send another direct message now.

OP posts:
Isaidnoalready · 02/10/2022 08:14

Yeah I had this so called friend "needed" a phone I had one for sale she "bought" it never paid then it wasn't good enough so she sold it and bought another phone! Next time she wanted to buy something off me it was "already sold"

fortheloveofcheesecake · 02/10/2022 08:14

Is there a class group WhatsApp you could gently remind her on? Oooh, that would be mean!!

Heyisforhorses · 02/10/2022 08:14

Could she have transferred and it hasn't hit your account yet? She may have done it late Friday and with banks closed it'll be there tomorrow/Tuesday?

notanothertakeaway · 02/10/2022 08:14

You gave her the toys on Friday. It's only sunday morning. You need to chill out a bit. She'll probably bring the money to school drop off tomorrow

Obeythedancecommander · 02/10/2022 08:15

I'd say this "Hi X, sorry to bother you but my son was wanting to purchase Y and Z today with the money from selling his toys so if you could send over today I'd be really grateful thanks"

Original poster
Lewiscapaldiscat · 02/10/2022 08:16

I don’t see her at drop off - If she has sent it why wouldn’t she say she had or say she had sent it?

OP posts:
Janedoe82 · 02/10/2022 08:16

It’s only been a couple of days. I would leave to mid week

Bumpsadaisie · 02/10/2022 08:16

I think you need to give it a wee bit longer - it's only Sunday morning!!

londonrach · 02/10/2022 08:17

She had the toys Fri...I bet she bring the money on Monday...it's only Sunday and it's been the weekend...remind her Mon.

treetoptina · 02/10/2022 08:18

fortheloveofcheesecake · 02/10/2022 08:14

Is there a class group WhatsApp you could gently remind her on? Oooh, that would be mean!!

Don't do this. Hmm

Just message her and ask if she's transferred as you can't see it in your bank. Sometimes banks can hold payments or it might be she's forgotten to press a button to confirm the transfer. My bank is a pain to transfer to new people I've not transferred to before; you have to confirm about 6 times before they actually send the money.

Darbs76 · 02/10/2022 08:18

I though it had been a week or two. 1 day? Give her chance

Buckland123 · 02/10/2022 08:18

I was with you til you said it was Friday - I’d give her a few more days tbh.

LindseyHoyleSpeaks · 02/10/2022 08:19

So many people making excuses! It takes about 3 seconds to make a transfer on an online banking app. Money into the other person’s account immediately 🤔 She’s taking you for a ride, OP.

Darbs76 · 02/10/2022 08:19

fortheloveofcheesecake · 02/10/2022 08:14

Is there a class group WhatsApp you could gently remind her on? Oooh, that would be mean!!

Why would anyone do that? If they did they wouldn’t be popular amongst any of the mums. It’s been less than 2 days, all a fuss about nothing. She will have probably paid by lunchtime

donttellmehesalive · 02/10/2022 08:20

I was outraged until I realised she had them less than 48 hours ago. You've sent a reminder so I'd just mention it when you see her at school next week now.

RIPQueen · 02/10/2022 08:21

RedHelenB · 02/10/2022 08:10

I'd say if you're not going to pay fir them then I'll have them back to sell on ebay. Lesson learned that you don't give someone sonwthing until they've paid.

This would be a very weird thing to do with a school mother and second hand toys - make her transfer before giving them. I like to pay for things immediately but it’s only been 2 days so it’s believable at this point thst she’s just been busy/forgotten/her husband needs to do it or something

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