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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect this school mum to have paid by now?

272 replies

Lewiscapaldiscat · 02/10/2022 07:55

I sold some of my ds toys to a fellow school mum I know quite well. Not an insignificant amount of money and it belongs to my ds.

she asked for my bank details which I sent, on the day she said she forgot her card reader, would cash be ok, said yes, then she said she’d transfer. All fine. took them to school for her and I haven’t received anything.

i messaged yesterday saying all ok - she replied yes excellent - child is already playing with them and loving them.
I replied great - do you need me to resend my bank details and no response! we agreed the price and confirmed how to pay so no misunderstanding. They are well to do / but little irrelevant since she agreed to pay for them.

im really irritated she could reply saying oh loving them - but not pay or even mention payment - such as oh sorry I forgot or I’ll get it to you now. Nothing - I won’t be able to look at her the same and obviously will chase again for the money but aibu to be so infuriated by this cf behaviour???

OP posts:
MadeofCheeese · 02/10/2022 08:42

It's only Sunday morning. People are busy on weekends. I'm afraid I'm one of those slow payers. I wouldn't be thinking about this until Monday close of play . . .

Original poster
Lewiscapaldiscat · 02/10/2022 08:42

UnagiForLife · 02/10/2022 08:41

It’s the fact she replied to the initial message saying her kid was loving the toys but then blanket silence at the mention of money. If she hasn’t got around to it then she’d reply and apologise saying she’ll do it soon. To be honest if she’s got the time to respond to a message she has the time to transfer the money.

This - if she hadn’t responded at all I would get it! Busy busy and all that!

OP posts:
SushiSuave · 02/10/2022 08:43

She should have paid as agreed, but you shouldn't be assuming she's not in financial hardship. She's buying second hand toys - could be for sustainability reasons, could be because she is struggling financially. But to reiterate, she should be paying the price agreed, give her a couple of days before texting again.

Bunnycat101 · 02/10/2022 08:44

Slow payers annoy me but I think you’re being a bit quick to judge. I wouldn’t have hit the ‘a bit irritated’ point until Monday/Tuesday If it was a deal done on Friday.

LateAF · 02/10/2022 08:44

Do people really live like this- so uptight about a slightly delayed payment? If you needed the money for food then that’s a different matter. But you’re getting yourself wound up over the principle of her paying immediately when it’s only been a day.

Anything within a week is prompt payment. After a week then send a chaser. In the meantime don’t let it bother you- you’re only spoiling your own joy about something inconsequential which is likely to be a non issue since I bet she will pay.

UnagiForLife · 02/10/2022 08:45

Maybe she is in financial hardship but if so she shouldn’t have agreed to purchase toys she couldn’t afford.

kerosene20 · 02/10/2022 08:45

Message her saying you had promised DS a trip to the shops this weekend with his spending money. Can you collect the cash on the way at X time.

Courtjobby · 02/10/2022 08:46

Bank transfers to different banks can take days especially over weekend. I'd wait.

LateAF · 02/10/2022 08:47

kerosene20 · 02/10/2022 08:45

Message her saying you had promised DS a trip to the shops this weekend with his spending money. Can you collect the cash on the way at X time.

Why lie? What will it achieve? People are so weird. She’ll probably pay Monday like she was always going to do. Why doesn’t OP just enjoy the weekend without stressing about this non-issue.

OlympicProcrastinator · 02/10/2022 08:47

Id be on her doorstep Wednesday and wouldn’t leave until I had the money or the return of the toys. That’s plenty of time.

Sally090807 · 02/10/2022 08:48

I would message and say “when did you send the payment as it’s not yet showing in my account”.

Daisy1245 · 02/10/2022 08:49

You shouldn't need to ask for the money. Or remind for the money. I personally don't think you'll see the money without hassling her for it. Having been there the friendship is altered anyway. Good luck. If I was you and she doesn't pay I'd swallow the lesson and pay your boy yourself if it's a small amount of money. You'll be made to look the assehole otherwise imo by her to other mums at the school.

UnagiForLife · 02/10/2022 08:49

OP is more likely the one financial hardship in this scenario, selling second hand toys, she could have needed that money for food this weekend.

Janedoe82 · 02/10/2022 08:49

How much does she owe you?

YumYummy · 02/10/2022 08:51

How much does she owe you?
It doesn’t matter.

IneffableGenderFairy · 02/10/2022 08:51

I've experienced well-to-do people not paying up more than once.

I wonder if - in part - they don't see the owed amount as much money, and don't have the imagination to see that it might be a lot to other people.

chumchumchum · 02/10/2022 08:51

I hate it when people use the excuse “oh she’s a mum she is busy”, well but she wasn’t busy when she organised buying the toys, she wasn’t busy when she texted OP back saying her kid was loving the toys.

For all the ones saying “give her a break it’s been a day, give her a week” do you also go to Tescos and say “I’ll pay you in a week Tesco” … no you don’t. You pay then and there same with everything else. Why do you think it’s okay to owe money to someone, specially a friend.

The way I see it is once you decide to buy something that money is already not yours, just pay it then and there! Takes 1 min maximum to do a bank transfer these days, no one is too busy to do that or to send a text “all paid should be with you shortly”.

deedledeedledum · 02/10/2022 08:51

Isaidnoalready · 02/10/2022 08:14

Yeah I had this so called friend "needed" a phone I had one for sale she "bought" it never paid then it wasn't good enough so she sold it and bought another phone! Next time she wanted to buy something off me it was "already sold"

Did she pay you for it? If not then she stole from you and sold stolen goods. If she did pay you then it's no really your issue. What happened in the end?

Alwayswonderedwhy · 02/10/2022 08:52

Those of you saying it's only been 48hrs, would you not do it straight away?
Being busy isn't really an excuse for not doing an online payment. It takes 2 minutes. I always pay people asap.

LateAF · 02/10/2022 08:53

I’m so glad I don’t have friends like all these immediate payment chasers😅- chasing a “late” payment within 48 hours. My friends always pay back within a week, sometimes a couple of weeks if life’s busy- and with no chasing needed. And that’s absolutely fine. Give people some space - life is too short to create problems where they don’t exist.

CoastalWave · 02/10/2022 08:54

Sally090807 · 02/10/2022 08:48

I would message and say “when did you send the payment as it’s not yet showing in my account”.

This.

I have clients who don't pay all of the time.

Just message - Hi X. I've not received the money for the toys. Please can you double check at your end and resend it immediately if it didn't go for some reason? I need it today. Thanks.

Treatballs · 02/10/2022 08:55

What weird replies.

If I’m selling something it’s generally because I need the money.

Why does everyone think it’s ok to be a “slow payer”?

She has the items, pay up. As you would for anything else. It takes two mins to do a bank transfer.

tetristime · 02/10/2022 08:55

I generally pay asap or make sure I have cash because honestly people are weird about money as this thread demonstrates.

However, I find it really hard to get in anyway concerned about something not paid over a weekend when it's been only 48 hours. If she's anything like me she's got a busy weekend and several admin / payment things to sort which she is waiting for a quiet moment to sort.

Roselilly36 · 02/10/2022 08:56

She sounds cheeky, I would have paid it immediately, I think I would send a message to say, I haven’t received the funds as yet, when did she send them. If you keep waiting, you might not ever see the money.

Janedoe82 · 02/10/2022 08:56

I think the amount is relevant and directly proportionate to the urgency to pay. If it is only £20 and it is a good friend I can see why the buyer will just be thinking ‘will give cash on Monday’.
Myself and friends really wouldn’t be getting on like this, but equally we wouldn’t charge for old toys, would just give them away.

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