To have asked them to find their own place to live?

I wonder how many posters read what you said about YOUR SON WANTING TO MOVE OUT and you asking them to move in with you because you were feeling lonely and not ready to have an empty house. That changes things in my opinion. Did you have a talk about your expectations beforehand? Did you set a time limit for them to live with you and made clear your offer was only temporary or you just wanted them to move in to not be alone and didn't care about the how's and when's at the time?

They do sound young and immature, but I do think you should have known better. Once you started talking and planning their move to your house and for her to give up her council accomodation, you should have stopped it and asked what their plans were for the future. You could have suck up the feeling of loneliness and just let them do their business in their own house. If that meant your youngest son leaving home earlier than you would have wanted, so be it. But you invited them in so I do feel like you are partly responsible. If the ex was a concern you could have ordered alternative ideas swapping accomodation, alerting police and so on.

I do think your son sounds entitled and immature, but you have contributed.
All these posts about kicking them out and teaching him a lesson now, with a baby on the way, girlfriend a 5 years old no job and university to start sounds a bit too much. You really risk of harming them all to prove a point when your son needs your support. He should have known better, so should have the GF and you.
Lessons should have been taught in a different way before all this happened.

What does the girlfriend say about this? Did you all have a conversation about your/their expectations with baby on the way? I hope you won't kick them out now without any support, they sound like they do need it, no matter how stinky your son's attitude is at the moment. I think your son is going to need you like never before.

DS has a family to support now.
How he does this is up to him and his GF.
I think you need to congratulate them and tell them asap that their plans to live with you are not acceptable to you as you don't have space, don't want to live with a baby and in any case you want more for them both than to be living with you forever. Give them a deadline to move out, 3 months seems good.
Let them know that whilst you don't want them living with you, you are still very much supportive of them and will help with baby sitting, will buy the baby's cot/pram and help with a rent deposit if required.
Maybe they will rethink whether to continue with the pregnancy at this point.
If not you can say that the options you see are:

1. Uni accommodation
   
2. Social housing
   
3. private rental
   Do they agree and how do they plan to fund their chosen option? Will DS get a job instead of or as well as Uni?

OP do you now feel OK about living alone? You said you weren't keen on this in the past and it was a reason why GF moved in?

As DS has no money to contribute towards new home/baby costs he needs to sell the x-box for a start.

I'd go ballistic next time he says anything about you being selfish or him taking over DS1s room permanently for his DC and DSC. Those thoughts should never be had, but especially never voiced again, in your home, after all the help you've given them. If he's scared or worried he can say so and talk it out, not accuse you and throw his weight around. Toddler tantrums are for toddlers only.

TBH GF was a damn fool to give up secure accommodation to move into her new boyfriend's mum's house, but she did so that decision's on her and now she has to live with the consequences. She will be housed by LA if you kick her out because they have a duty to house the DC, so she will be offered somewhere, however small or grim or distant it may be.

DS is an entitled arsehole and I'd have ripped him a new one for quitting work, quitting the financial contribution to the household and spending the summer on x-box. I'd have insisted he sell the x-box at that time so he could continue his financial contribution. He needs to learn that actions have consequences.

You need them out before baby is born because this relationship isn't going to last. If he thinks it's tiring not working and sharing a bed with a wriggly child, he's not going to cope with studying or working and living with a crying newborn. GF is already fed up with his moaning, so I give it less than a year after the birth before they're separated. Unless he becomes an abusive dickhead towards her and she doesn't have the strength to get rid which, given his attitude towards you OP, is entirely possible.

1. you don't want to be in the middle of the shit show of their failing relationship
   
   
2. you don't want to end up with ex-GF and her DC living with you after the split
   
   
3. your DS is a spoiled brat who won't go unless he's pushed. Now is the ideal opportunity to do that and don't have him back when it all goes wrong and they split. Or if you do have him back, it's with much more solid and grown-up ground rules such as paying his way with household expenses, not just his own food, clothing etc and not acting entitled or calling you names etc. Otherwise he'll just cocklodge with you until he finds another mug.
   
   It's no good being afraid of DS going NC. Nobody should be putting up with others nonsense out of fear they'll go NC. It's not a reason to tolerate stuff, that attitude just leads to dysfunctional relationships that you're better off without anyway. Hopefully when you start standing up for yourself they'll all realise it's for the best long term. GF particularly sounds as though she'll be short of babysitters, so is likely to stay in touch for that reason as well as that you've got along ok so far, she seems more reasonable than DS. Good luck OP it sounds a nightmare

Your son needs to sort it out. It's not your responsibility. If he's old enough to father a child, he's old enough to make sure he can house and provide for it.

Give him a set time, and tell him (and GF) they need to be put by then.

Honestly I'd bypass DS and talk to the grown up in the relationship. Explain to the gf that whilst you love them all, the house just isn't big enough for 4 adults and 2 kids and it's better to get settled now before the new baby comes. Offer them what help you're happy to freely give.

It's hard, you're absolutely reasonable but I don't know what you do if he point blank refuses.

They'll be entitled to benefit support if she's working, perhaps you could help a LITTLE with childcare so DS can work around Uni but only if you are happy to

You need them out before baby is born because this relationship isn't going to last. If he thinks it's tiring not working and sharing a bed with a wriggly child, he's not going to cope with studying or working and living with a crying newborn. GF is already fed up with his moaning, so I give it less than a year after the birth before they're separated. Unless he becomes an abusive dickhead towards her and she doesn't have the strength to get rid which, given his attitude towards you OP, is entirely possible.

I think this is spot on as hard as it may be to read

He is demonstrating he is not mature enough to be a father and he has zero respect or sense of responsibility.

I can't see it turning out differently

So is he planning on staying long term then if he’s talking about the children sharing a room? You’ll never get rid. You need to start charging a proper rent for a start!

Not sure now that university terms have started that there will be any accommodation available, let alone special family accommodation....

You’re right, @MacarenaMacarena.

He could start making inquiries for next year though, the baby’s due in the spring so perhaps they could move into family accommodation over the summer. At least it would give the OP a time frame.

21 with a 6-year-old and a baby though, it doesn’t sound promising. ☹️

You're son has landed himself in a complete mess. And quite frankly you have enabled it. How did you think this situation was going to end? Why on earth would you agree that your teenage son could have his older girlfriend and her 5 year old son come to live in your house?

Now another poor child is going to be brought into this chaotic situation. Your son needs to grow up and start making responsible decisions. There are two children involved here now.

Big decisions to be made. And whining about his brother daring to come back to his family home during holidays has no place in those decisions. Your ds2 needs to grow up. He's made his bed etc

Yes I can see the next suggestion being that you move out of the master bedroom so they can fit a cot in there etc

Yes, l can imagine this suggestion will be raised at some point re the master bedroom. Son appears to have a strong sense of entitlement

If the girlfriend had any sense at all, she would want them to find a place immediately. She has to know the odds of this working are slim. She ends up being the one unhoused as long as they stay with you. I doubt she has any sense though. This is someone with a child who thought jumping into living with someone she had only been dating for 6 months was a good idea. Not just any brief relationship, but one with a teenager, who dropped out of school and who still lived with his parents.

Very true, @Ponderingwindow . The gf and her child are the most vulnerable people in this situation, I can't understand why they'd bring another baby into this.

HA! Goodbye DS. What a piss take.

Im sorry why did she get pregnant whilst sort of sofa surfing at your gaff - its not on - you've been exemplary xx

Semi zombie, unless OP has an update?

Fuck that, I wouldn’t.

They have been incredibly naive and irresponsible to have a second child a) while living in your home and b) while in a financially precarious situation. You have been a saint and they have taken you for a mug. You need to give them a deadline by which they move out. If this means your son leaves his course sobeit, his choice. They decided to proceed with the pregnancy, they need to deal with the consequences of that decision.

Did your son ask you if you were happy to accommodate a baby beforehand?

I think it’s outrageous to expect to stay with you and then plan a baby. He needs to give up his uni dream get a job and focus on supporting his family.

If anything I think the problem lies solely with your Ds.

He seems very entitled and expects women to run around after him.

He needs to grow up.

He seems stuck and still in the education mindset. IYSWIM.

Uni is a great idea even if you have partners and children but it takes a pity if hard work.

He needs to get a job whether he goes to Uni or not.
And above all he needs to grow up and learn that actions have consequences and the world and his mother don’t owe him anything.