To have asked them to find their own place to live?

[diddymu]

I've name changed as this could possibly be outing.

DS (20) has been in a relationship with a woman for about a year and half, she's slightly older and has a 5 year old from a previous relationship, they've been living with me for about a year as the child's dad found out where she was living, it's all been fine, they contribute a little financially and they do their fair share of cleaning and cooking. The only issue is holidays as the 5yo is sleeping in what was the spare room/ previously DS1s room and DS1 is at uni but when he comes home from uni, the 5 yo has to sleep in with DS and his mum which isn't ideal but they don't seem to mind.

They recently announced that the girlfriend is pregnant (about 10/11 weeks) which was a bit of a shock but they seem happy with the news, I've told them they have to find their own place to live before the baby arrives and DS has said I'm selfish as it's my grandchild, they won't be able to afford it as he's just started uni, they'll make the lack of space work and has tried blaming DS1 for coming home during holidays as he said if he didn't I wouldn't be asking them to move out.

It's probably my fault as he is my youngest so I probably have made the wrong decision to allow them all to stay etc as I didn't want him to move out yet, so feel free to judge but AIBU?

[rainbowstardrops]

@PyongyangKipperbang

If he starts with the "You should house us as its your grandchild" you should come back with "No. I housed you as you were my child. Now you are an adult and about to become a parent so YOU should house YOUR child. You will notice that you didnt grow up with us all living at Granny and Grandpa's house"

Absolutely this ^

[RedHelenB]

@StClare101

What a fool your son is. Well he’ll need to defer won’t he so he can provide for your child.

Give them 3 months to leave. If he is rude to you again shorten it by a week each time. And mean it. In all seriousness change the locks if they refuse to go.

Maybe the OP wants some kind of relationship with her ds and future dil and gc
I wouldn't advise this but definitely you need to have an adult conversation with your son about how he's going to cope with being a father and help him find alternative accommodation.

[Hillary17]

Sorry to say this OP - but you have been manipulated and taken advantage of. It suits them not having to live somewhere else and they have an easier life. Welcome to the real world - they need to find their own place and start taking responsibility for their decisions. I’d give them three months and help them find something. If really generous maybe help with rental deposit but this really isn’t your problem.

[IWishIWasABaller]

Your son sounds like an immature waste of space , I feel sorry for the five year old in all this. Also it's fairly obvious that this son is your favourite and you've completely spoiled him. Time to grow a backbone and get him out. If his girlfriend had any sense she would kick him to the kerb too

[LadyWithLapdog]

Sorry, OP, definitely not BU. I could cope with DS and GF but not with a baby. Your life should be becoming easier by now, not more difficult.

[stayathomegardener]

Hang on! Your DS tried to move in with his girlfriend originally but you "didn't want him to as he was the only child living at home"

[Seymour5]

This is the second pregnancy I’ve read about in the last couple of days that has made me wonder what is in some people ‘s heads. There is virtually no reason nowadays with the huge range of contraceptive options available to have a baby in tenuous circumstances.

OP, you are right, its time your son behaves like the adult he clearly believes he is. I’m sure you’ll offer what help you can to get them into accommodation, and with your new grandchild when it comes.

[ImAvingOops]

Possibly the OP didn't want him moving to a house where a violent ex was likely to come around. At 19 I wouldn't have wanted that for my son either.

[TheMamaYo]

The girlfriend sounds like a gem, but your ds sounds like an entitled prat. You are a saint.
mid definitely steer them in the direction of uni accommodation, but don’t do it all for them. He’s never going to grow up if you keep stepping in.

[Bordesleyhills]

He’s a big boy- with responsibilities so he needs to find accommodation and a job if needed

[LikeTearsInRain]

This must be really tough OP.

It is a good opportunity for both of them to grow up a bit and accept there are adult consequences to things such as having children (whether this was planned or otherwise) and life doesn’t always go the easiest way.

If you do not insist on this I fear you will have them crammed into your home for years.

[Eslteacher06]

Obviously this needs to be handled carefully as he could cut you off or something.

He is clearly good at manipulating you (the youngest's gift without even trying lol). You are not being unreasonable. You have been very kind up to now. Keep remembering that.

Maybe help them with a deposit and three months rent paid directly to the landlord and then that is it. Clear ground rules that he can't whinge about. Work with the girlfriend, not him. She can tell him to suck it up and he will listen to her more than you.

[Mindymomo]

What happened to where gf was living before, has she been to council to see about a council house.

[Courtjobby]

I think ds 2 needs to move out as it's your home and your wishes but if it doesn't come to pass, when DS1 comes home ds2 should sleep ok living room couch ( if you have one) or a blow up bed. He will need to have it all put away by the time you are up every day. That way his girlfriend will have more space for her then 6 year old and baby.

[roarfeckingroarr]

Tricky situation. His GF sounds sensible (to a point) and good to hear she's working. Your son doesn't seem to understand his responsibility. He needs a PT job alongside university, not to spend his time on his x box.

[CanaryShoulderedThorn]

How dare he try to make DS1 feel uncomfortable and unwelcome in his own home.
He has made his decisions and needs to sort himself out now. No way would I be enabling this lazy, feckless idiot.
Spent the summer minding playing xbox! Really!

[PrimarilyParented]

As student parents they will both get parent learning allowance, plus a serious reduction in childcare costs (up to 85%) and can claim universal credit too if living in their own home. They also won’t pay council tax as they’re both students and the university may have support/grants available too. You could help them organise this but at the very least make them aware of these things. They should/could utilise all of these prior to the baby arriving.

[YumYummy]

You are definitely not being unreasonable. They are old enough to extend their family so they are old enough to sort themselves out.

[Ponoka7]

@Seymour5

"This is the second pregnancy I’ve read about in the last couple of days that has made me wonder what is in some people ‘s heads. There is virtually no reason nowadays with the huge range of contraceptive options available to have a baby in tenuous circumstances."

It was planned. I've seen this lots. They live in one of the parent's homes, start to play happy families and think that they are on a par with a couple who've set up their own home and want the next stage, so plan a baby.
@diddymu No-one is thinking about the best interests of the five year old. He doesn't have stable housing, or even his own bed. He is by definition, a child in need. All because you wanted to keep your Son living with you. Had he moved in with her, he might have got a culture shock and it be over by now. You've buffered them. She's in a very new relationship with a just out-of-teenagehood lad, but will happily put her child in bed with that lad. Your GC is potentially in danger, if she moves on to another man. This could be just the aftershock of being in a domestic violent relationship and she isn't thinking straight. So someone has got to start thinking and behaving in the best interests of the children.
They need to be spoken to straight away. It needs to be set out to her, how much help will be given. This relationship won't last, unless the Son grows up and they don't always. The OP isn't going to throw him out, so she's on her own, with two children. Burst the bubble so that she can make her choices, while she still has time.

[Riverlee]

He needs to step and face his responsibilities.

[NotJustAnybody]

You've allowed him to be dependent on you and now his g/f and her DC. They were onto a good thing. Shame they have ruined it by
a) getting pregnant
b) disgustingly thinking your other DC isn't entitled to come home

You need to tell them to leave before the baby is born. They may need to be made homeless before the council houses them.

[butterpuffed]

@Courtjobby

I think ds 2 needs to move out as it's your home and your wishes but if it doesn't come to pass, when DS1 comes home ds2 should sleep ok living room couch ( if you have one) or a blow up bed. He will need to have it all put away by the time you are up every day. That way his girlfriend will have more space for her then 6 year old and baby.

How is that going to help ? Where would DS1 sleep ?

[JimmyShoo]

They have chosen to have a child that they cannot house or afford. Does your son not see that?

[greenteafiend]

Given the way housing prices have shot up in the last 30 years, I do think parents should help their kids with housing deposits and so on, but insisting that he has the right to live with you is really going a bit far.

He is very young to have got roped into becoming a stepfather of sorts, and now a dad.

[sageandrosemary]

Yanbu.

But gosh, there are some vile comments on this thread.