To have asked them to find their own place to live?

In some cultures this is very normal and not a problem at all and actually expected. The bottom line is that it is your house, and you need to do what you feel comfortable with.

So she gave up a council house to move in with you?

Jesus OP. You did make a mistake letting them move in, albeit with the best intentions.

You aren’t doing your son any favours to think he can have children without taking responsibility for raising and paying for them.

For his sake as well as yours, get them both out asap. At the moment you are enabling a dysfunctional set up that won’t do your future grandchild or this 5 year old any good long term.

Just explain to him that you realise you have made a mistake in enabling this, and while it might not feel like it right now, in the long run it’s far better he stand on his own feet.

It gets worse. Jesus. Get them out.

DS has said I'm selfish as it's my grandchild, they won't be able to afford it as he's just started uni, they'll make the lack of space work and has tried blaming DS1 for coming home during holidays as he said if he didn't I wouldn't be asking them to move out

So he isn't selfish for:

1. putting his desire to go to university first
   
2. taking over your house
   
3. not taking financial responsibility for his own child
   
4. expecting to still be treated like a child who isn't independent when he's created his own dependent. a choice that you weren't part of the decision making process
   
5. expecting his brother to be kicked out of his home so he can take it over
   
6. thinks that its ok to emotionally blackmail his mother
   
   I would be sitting him down and having a long conversation about becoming a parent and what it entails in terms of being financially and emotionally responsible for your own family and how you are no longer a dependent at the point you decide to have your own children.
   
   I would be saying it is absoluetely time for him to grow up and be a father. This may include having to give up university, get a job and have their own home because it is no longer feasible for his family to occupy your family home. He has out grown it and made his own choices that you can no longer just passively subsidise.
   
   He needs to take full responsibility at this point.
   
   I would also be pointing out how ungrateful, spoil and selfish he's being. He's being totally disrespectful to you and his brother.
   
   Honest, he really needs a strong hard talking to and you shouldn't back down because his boundaries and expectations of you are WAY off.
   
   At what point is he thinking he should be moving out, if its not when he's having a partner and two kids to be responsible for?
   
   He's out of line.

You have a cocklodger for a son.

Do something about it.

He has no respect for you. He's freeloading and grossly immature.

He needs a MASSIVE reality check.

Telling him to move out, is much needed, for his own benefit.

Hang on, though.

your sons girlfriend gave up her social housing to move in with you, because you offered and she was vulnerable, and you specifically offered this because you didn’t want your son to move out?

I’m afraid I do think you bear some responsibility for these circumstances.

YANBU

He needs to think how lucky he’s been to have a mother who’s let them all live with you and that time has now come to an end.

OP didn’t get anyone pregnant.

I think you're being very reasonable. And calm.

I'm just trying to imagine what my own DM would do if I did what your son did and I can just picture fire and brimstone .

I would also be telling them to leave. I'm a bit softer than my own DM so would probably direct them to whatever council and try and help them get their own place either via social housing or gifting them a rent deposit. But like feck would I agree to be a guarantor. Absolutely not.

I can't believe they thought you'd be alright with this and anybody that says you should are deluded.

The GF gave up a council house? Why didn’t she ask for a transfer? They are like gold dust and she’ll struggle to get another one. The story just gets worse. None of you appear to be able to make good decisions.

YANBU

It's your home, not your son's and his new family. If he's old enough to be starting a family, he's old enough to move out and live with them and support them. And she's older, so so is she. They've made the decision to have a baby now under circumstances they can't truly afford, not you. So they need to figure it out, not you.

Tell him to talk to the university about family accommodation.

Girlfriend is an adult with a 5 year old kid, who made a decision to a) have a child with someone else b) move out of social housing c) freeload off someone else d) get pregnant whilst living in someone else's house knowing there is a lack of space.

She is not 20. She's older than the son by a few years. So in mid twenties.

Can we make sure we are fully aware that this is an adult woman perfectly capable of making decisions and already has the responsibility of a child instead of infantilising her and saying 'awwww its the OPs fault for offering'.

This WOMAN. An ADULT WOMAN decided to give up secure housing to shack up with a new boyfriend. What if that relationship had broken down? Where would this leave this woman and kid? Would she be expecting to continue to live with the OP and for the OP to kick out the son to accomodate her?

Get real.

At what point does this ADULT WOMAN take responsibility for her own actions?

Why are they somehow the responsibility of the OP?

Putting it bluntly, he has a cheek. You need to set and explain your boundaries and they need to find their own home. He's taking the p*

I'm sure it's been said a hundred times already, but what were they thinking? They haven't got a home for the current child and now there's another on the way?

Sounds as though they think of your home as theirs...with you kindly taking a step back to allow them to spread properly, and being there for babysitting duties too.

Very entitled!

He should’ve run for the hills 18 months ago, she’s got more red flags than a bullfighters’ convention.

”D” S needs a reality check!
bank of mom needs to close.

the sense of entitlement is astonishing. Mind you he’s only 20 and quite immature by the sound of it.

How is your DS going to support his child ?
Quit his job, did he claim unemployment benefit ?
Has he started university yet this year ?
Why is he not working atleast a PT job ?

I agree that they need to move out & as a family & become self sufficient

They both sound ridiculous. No one made them have another child. It will be way too many people, too much noise etc. YANBU they are both trying to take the piss -don’t let them. They need to move out; grown up enough to have 2 children = grown up enough to not mooch off other people

They were really foolish to give up a council house, they will struggle to get back to a better situation. She should have organised a swap if that particular house was unsuitable due to an ex.

They need to move out, obviously but it may be best if you evict them officially due to overcrowding, so that they can present to the council as homeless and be put on the housing list. There are few 2 bed properties available so they’ll probably still be in private rented but there are schemes to help with deposits etc. Encourage them to seek out local charities for help or contact shelter.

You clearly shouldn’t make your son who is away at uni homeless in the holidays to accommodate your younger sons poor choices. They need to figure this out. Be kind but also firm that your house is not suitable.

You are definitely not being unreasonable. They chose to have another child, now it's time for him to pull up his big boy panties and find them some accommodation be it through the uni or private rent, why should your other child be forced out? Because they thought they could take liberties.

The girlfriend sounds like a gem
No she bloody doesn't !

DS has said I'm selfish as it's my grandchild, they won't be able to afford it as he's just started uni

DS need a crash course in adulthood. He need to forget about university and get a job to provide a home for his family. GF needs to have an abortion. It is wholly irresponsible to add to their family when they can't even support themselves and their current child. Your fun job, OP, is to kick them out.

OP, your younger DS is a selfish cuckoo, trying to push his brother and eventually you out of the nest. You are conflicted because you have the financial means to help out and DS is guilt tripping you. He is an adult who needs to accept his responsibilities now that his DC is on the way.
Is it possible for DS to switch his course to online learning? That way he will be able to hold down a FT job while studying. Even looking at all the possible scenarios, this is not going to end well for you, OP.

The girlfriend sounds sensible and decent (and some of the pp comments about her being a poor life partner, I assume cos she’s a single mum, are vile)
No she doesn't and it has nothing to do with her being a single mum. She doesn't sound particularly bright thinking that adding another child into this shitshow is a smart move.
Those poor children.