To have asked them to find their own place to live?

In his own bedroom when he comes home from holidays , the 6 year old and baby with mum...

YANBU, they need to be making a plan. This might be a bit of a harsh wake up for your son, but his girlfriend might be more realistic about it because she already knows the work that goes into having a baby. Can they get on a housing list?

Of course it isn’t your fault.

You’ve allowed them all to stay with you which was very UNselfish! They’ve made a very selfish move by having another baby in these circumstances. A ridiculous decision that shows a lack of foresight and maturity. They obviously can’t afford to support themselves independently so shouldn’t be having another baby.

They need to get themselves on the council waiting list (assuming they’re in the UK).

In the meantime I think they’ve put you in an impossible position. It will be very hard to evict them knowing they don’t have the financial means to support themselves and impossible for them to rent anywhere given their lack of income.

Apologies ! Misread earlier in the thread , thought there were only two bedrooms.

What is the barrier to your son and his GF moving out? Is it financial or practical? Does your son have doubts about staying with the GF long term, for example? I would imagine that he is quite scared.

Can you sit down together and do the sums to figure out what needs to change to get them stably housed before the baby is born? Your son would be wise to discuss the situation with his uni, is he planning to take any time out as paternity leave for example?

You sound like you have been exceptionally accommodating OP, but by the sound of things you need to cut the apron strings and let them find somewhere else to raise their family.

Do them a favour and kick her out with a letter to the council saying you are doing so first so she can get housed in a hostel at the very least. The only way to get council housing at the moment is to be a single pregnant mum with a child already too. The lists are thousands long. There is no cheap private rented anymore either and benefits are too delayed and too low for private renting. Family uni accommodation will be too unaffordable.

In general I'm against letting young adult children move their partner in, I think it forces the relationship to get more serious than it might have otherwise. It might have naturally fizzled out if they had to make plans to see each other.

It's very unfair that they have taken over your home to the point that they think they can exclude your other son from ever returning.

You have been very generous but you need to sit down with them and have a serious talk about what they think the future looks like, and explain that having a love nest in a childhood bedroom and 2 young children taking over the whole house is very unfair to you. Give them ideas about where to look for other options but explain that the current situation cannot continue, it's their problem to solve. They're adult enough to have a family so they're adult enough to figure out what happens next.

YANBU. They should have thought about whether they could afford it before she became pregnant.

20 year old with 2 kids is time to fly the nest, its YOUR nest and he doesnt get a say. It in no way means you dont love your grandchild it means you love your child enough to teach him to be independent and respect yourself enough to not be a doormat.

I honestly dont understand how people have self respect when they continue to mooch off their parents into adult years.

He eft university because he didn't like it.
He won't work because he didn't like it
He doesn't want his brother back in the holidays because he doesn't like sharing with lo.
He wants you to fund his lifestyle.

Op...when the new baby grows up enough to need his own room are you going to move out too?

You've raised yourself a cocklodger btw, he's got your house, your money paying the bills and you are probably doing the grunt work of cleaning.

Kick him out, its the only way some people grow up.

The girlfriend is NOT 5 years older, she’s 10 months older. She’s a 20/21 year old with a 5 year old child, a previously abusive relationship, and for some reason, couldn’t turn to her own parents for help getting away from him. She sounds extremely vulnerable to me.

So not only does he think his family should have 2/3rds of the rooms in your home. But he seems to think this is a long term solution.

Also, a 5yo sleeping in bed with a man for a year is vile tbh. I don't think that is appropriate at all that either adults think that is acceptable.

What an unmitigated disaster of a situation.

How old is the girlfriend?

Why doesn’t your son work?

Did they plan this pregnancy?

If so, what the fuck were they thinking?

They currently share a bed with a five year old child.

They live for minimal financial input in your home. This cannot continue.

If they’re big enough and stupid enough to make a baby, they can bloody well sort themselves out.

You’re not selfish by asking them to stand on their own two feet. They’re utterly deluded expecting you to accommodate them and two children.

Lesighhh · Yesterday 22:29
In my culture sons and their wives and their children often live with the sons parents. Having a baby is a very tough time in anyones lives, let alone a 20 year old who is at university. If it's possible to make it work for everyone under one roof somehow, I would really at least try it. Is their room big enough for him, his gf, her son and the baby?“

assuming OP is in the UK, it’s really not the norm here.
two adults, a child and a newborn living in one bedroom. What quality of life is that?
If a man can father a child, he can step up and provide. Most students work their way through university and once you have a child the student loan available is surprisingly high. Some grants are available too, depending on circumstances.

That's fine for you in your culture, but nothing in the op says that this is their culture, so no reason for the op to try to make it work. Overcrowding is overcrowding what ever your culture.

They would be able to get a house through the local housing authority easily and get help paying rent

He needs a reality check and quickly, and you being his parent need to step up and give it to him. Stop covering for his fuck ups.

He has to grow up very fast, potentially leave university and get a full-time job. He might be able to study later on in life, in the evenings or online etc. It is sad, but you are not being unreasonable, it is your home and he is grown up now. But he is in for a tough time, which he really needs as he is now going to be a parent and is taking responsibility for his family.

Not unreasonable at all. You did the right thing, and it seems have no problem with his girlfriend just his entitlement, he is too scared to tell his dad about the pregnancy as he would tell him how stupid he has been, has decided to go to full time uni rather than the OU and working full time to provide for his family. You are doing the right thing esp since your other child might move home after uni.
Please follow through with what you have said or they will be living with you forever.

What is he studying at university? Is he planning to get a part time job?

You havent done anything wrong by having them move in. Its perfectly normal in most cultures in Europe and beyond to live like this. There seems to be a different view in the UK about adult children and families.
Your youngest is being very unfair saying his older brother should move out so that he can have his own family in. Sharing a room would be ok for the two children of his. Thats another British thing to have a bedroom per child.
I think he is a bit overwhelmed by the whole situation and needs help how to sort it out.

Yes, this year is his first year of uni, he's refused to defer as he left a few years ago as he didn't like it but he's said he wants to stick at it this time. He did get a job but he quit a few months ago after an argument with his boss (no idea what about) and me and his girlfriend both agreed it was a stupid thing to do but he didn't seem to care and he spent the summer looking after the 5 year old when his gf was working or playing on the Xbox

This doesn’t bode well. He’s immature and selfish, no reflection on you, he probably just won’t grow up up until he’s mid 20s-30.
He can’t play in an X-box when he’s responsible for children, he’s not 12.
He needs to crack on and find a home and get a p/t job if he’s going to be at Uni.
3 months notice to move out.

In the words of Jeremy Kyle

'he should've out something on the end of it'

Your son and his girlfriend are taking the piss unfortunately, if they are paying a small amount of money to stay with you then they should have been saving the rest.

This isn't your fault that they are in this position and it's not your responsibility. He needs to grow up and accept responsibility. A lot of people are at uni and still work, he should've thought about accommodation/finances etc before knocking up his girlfriend.

The notice to move out isn’t going to magic up a place for them to live. And the OP is going to probably end up being asked to be guarantor which I would be very unhappy about given son’s displayed level of maturity.

Housing is really really difficult at the moment. I would support them to talk to charities, CAB, uni accommodation about their options. Uni family accommodation is usually in short supply and unlikely to be an option.