To have asked them to find their own place to live?

[diddymu]

I've name changed as this could possibly be outing.

DS (20) has been in a relationship with a woman for about a year and half, she's slightly older and has a 5 year old from a previous relationship, they've been living with me for about a year as the child's dad found out where she was living, it's all been fine, they contribute a little financially and they do their fair share of cleaning and cooking. The only issue is holidays as the 5yo is sleeping in what was the spare room/ previously DS1s room and DS1 is at uni but when he comes home from uni, the 5 yo has to sleep in with DS and his mum which isn't ideal but they don't seem to mind.

They recently announced that the girlfriend is pregnant (about 10/11 weeks) which was a bit of a shock but they seem happy with the news, I've told them they have to find their own place to live before the baby arrives and DS has said I'm selfish as it's my grandchild, they won't be able to afford it as he's just started uni, they'll make the lack of space work and has tried blaming DS1 for coming home during holidays as he said if he didn't I wouldn't be asking them to move out.

It's probably my fault as he is my youngest so I probably have made the wrong decision to allow them all to stay etc as I didn't want him to move out yet, so feel free to judge but AIBU?

[FredaFox]

Where are the girls parents or family?

[AthenaPopodopolous]

Maybe just help them out with a deposit for a privately rented home. It’s time for him to be responsible now.

[dontputitthere]

Well I'd sit him down for a reality check on how expensive life and babies are. You're not a charity.

They've made a decision to have kids. They need to step up and be parents.

Really sad he wants out oust his brother out of his own home.

[allboysherebutme]

He needs to grow up, can't have you wet nursing him forever, if he's old enough to make a baby he's old enough to take responsibility for his family. X

[Hankunamatata]

Nope you have done the right thing. Utterly ridiculous getting pregnant (again) while living on someone else's charity. Tell him to apply for family accommodation or go to the council and declare homeless.
How did gf afford to live by herself before she moved in?

[Schoolchoicesucks]

No, of course you're not BU. I'm shocked that he seems to think you should be refusing your son coming home in the holidays because he feels more entitled to the room for his DC. Yes, he's only young, but he's an adult who's decided to be in a relationship with another adult who has a child and to bring another child into it.
He needs to step up and provide, not expect you to.
Is he at uni currently? Has he been working? He could defer his place, or apply for family accommodation. Grandparents can be supportive, that means babysitting on occasion, offering advice when asked, buying gifts for the baby if they can afford to. Not giving up 2/3 of their own house over and displacing their other children.
3 months to move out is a decent amount of time, they can get settled in the new place before the baby arrives.

[Hankunamatata]

Of he goes and gets a job to support his child

[diddymu]

@ShootingForTheMoonLandingOnMyArse

Just to add, you’ve been a saint to take on the gf and her child in your home for a year.

DS obviously doesn’t gaf about the impact of a baby in the household on you as well. What does his father think? Any other siblings apart from Uni DS? Why should he be pushed out of his home due his younger brother’s poor decisions? He still needs a home for holidays and after Uni. Has he been made to feel guilty that the gfs son had to leave his room when he comes home? You said it was an issue? Bloody cheek!

Yes, I have a DD but she doesn't live with us. His dad doesn't live with us and DS still hasn't told him about the pregnancy as he's said he's asked me to, but I've refused as he's an adult but he wasn't happy about them living with me from the start but did say it's none of his business as he doesn't live here. DS does complain a lot when DS1 is home about being tired because the child is constantly kicking him so he can't sleep etc, his girlfriend doesn't really complain about anything and in fact, she tells DS to stop complaining a lot of the time especially when it's about being tired.

[AnneLovesGilbert]

He thinks he’s tired now 😂🤦‍♀️

Wait till he’s supporting and housing all of them without your extensive help and has a newborn, a 5 year old and his studies to juggle.

Time for him to grow up and become the man he imagines himself to be.

Good you didn’t agree to tell his dad for him. You know he’s going to continue lashing out now you’ve told them to move out, it’ll be a useful reminder you’re doing the right thing.

[Calmate]

@diddymu
Are people reading this thread right? There are comments about uni accommodation, but as i read it, the post is about OP's DS who is 20 and has an older girlfriend, it is DS1 who is at uni and comes home during the hols.

[Cameleongirl]

You’re so right, @AnneLovesGilbert 😂 They’ve made a real mess of things.

[ImAvingOops]

They are going to have 2 kids and not one full time job between them! You are being a lot calmer about this than I would be. 4 people in one bedroom is not manageable - the baby will be awake in the night and this is no good for the 5 year old, who needs to sleep.
But, it's really not on that ds2 assumes he can take over ds1 bedroom and not make any attempt to house his own family. I'd be going nuts. I bet they take over the whole house!
I think you need serious words about how irresponsible the pair of them are being and that now they've added another child to the mix, they have to grow the fuck up and work out how they are going to afford it!
I think with university housing you have to be married to get the couples accommodation but they should check that and apply asap - universities don't have loads of housing stock for this.
Also apply to council/housing association - you will have to say that you are throwing them out (which is very hard to do because it feels so alien to decent parents to say this), because if you don't the council will take a view that they are currently housed and so are not a priority.
The quicker you start making them apply, the better.

[Cats23]

@RebOrHon

Tell him to apply for uni accommodation, they have designated family accommodation. He’s an adult and they’re both taking the piss. They need to grow up and fend for themselves.

Agree.
He needs to grow up.
How embarrasing

[diddymu]

@Schoolchoicesucks

No, of course you're not BU. I'm shocked that he seems to think you should be refusing your son coming home in the holidays because he feels more entitled to the room for his DC. Yes, he's only young, but he's an adult who's decided to be in a relationship with another adult who has a child and to bring another child into it.
He needs to step up and provide, not expect you to.
Is he at uni currently? Has he been working? He could defer his place, or apply for family accommodation. Grandparents can be supportive, that means babysitting on occasion, offering advice when asked, buying gifts for the baby if they can afford to. Not giving up 2/3 of their own house over and displacing their other children.
3 months to move out is a decent amount of time, they can get settled in the new place before the baby arrives.

Yes, this year is his first year of uni, he's refused to defer as he left a few years ago as he didn't like it but he's said he wants to stick at it this time. He did get a job but he quit a few months ago after an argument with his boss (no idea what about) and me and his girlfriend both agreed it was a stupid thing to do but he didn't seem to care and he spent the summer looking after the 5 year old when his gf was working or playing on the Xbox.

[ittakes2]

I think you have been very generous and kind to them already - its your son who is acting entitled! maybe show him this thread. I would be furious is one of my children made another one of my children feel unwelcome in my home.

[Scianel]

It's a shame as the girlfriend actually sounds really nice but it's not a feasible long-term situation by the sound of it.

[Whadda]

A 20 year old student having a baby with his girlfriend is making a stupid decision.

I wouldn’t make the consequences of that stupid decision any easier for him, or else you’ll shortly hear you have a second grandchild on the way.

[NumericalBlock]

They have got to stand on their two feet. Before you know it they'll take over the house and you'll be living elsewhere, which is what happened in my family. Your 20yo is an entitled muppet and needs to pull his head out of his arse and start sorting himself out before the baby arrives!

[DoodlePug]

I can't see how you get out of this with your relationship intact Tbh.

Understand entirely why you did it, altho can't imagine moving a 5 year old in.

I'm sure you want your son to continue in uni rather than leave and get a job to support his family. Uni accommodation would be ideal, if not are you in a position to help them out with some extra funding? Likely not in the current climate but it'd soften the blow.

Really they'd be financially better off if she was a single (living alone) parent. He could still be very involved but couldn't live with them, this is not ideal.

Just thinking on your house. Would there be any way to accommodate them if you were inclined? Give them your bedroom? Add a high level double in theirs so the cot can go underneath or even knock through to the loft for a sleeping platform? Not at all saying you should do this, but if you did at worst until he finishes uni (a year or so after baby arrives) it would help support him and your grandchild.

[Felixfeather223]

@diddymu you’re getting lots of support for kicking them out and that’s probably fair. I think 20 is very young for him to be dealing with this, and by this I mean an older girlfriend and her child that he’s ended up rescuing from a presumably violent and scary ex. Add to that university, new baby, cost of living crisis, a rough winter for bills in particular. I would struggle with all that and I’m a lot older than 20. I also made plenty of silly decisions right through my 20s and am very glad they didn’t have such long ranging consequences.

So my point is, it’s not your responsibility to fix all this, but if it were me I would keep a very close eye on him, he may thrive, or he may collapse under the pressure, and it’s easier to support someone to stay well than to pull them out of despair.

[NaturalBae]

Your DS does not have a job.

GF only works PT and already has a 5 year old from a previous dysfunctional relationship.

Your DS is hoping to go to Uni but is now expecting a DC with GF and expecting you to continue to house them ALL.

They have no business bringing another child in the World at this stage of their lives!

You allowed them to take the piss.

Direct them to the your local Council’s Housing Department. You’ll need to write a letter stating that you’re kicking them out.

Responsibilities, decisions and consequences.

[PorridgewithQuark]

@diddymu

Yes, this year is his first year of uni, he's refused to defer as he left a few years ago as he didn't like it but he's said he wants to stick at it this time. He did get a job but he quit a few months ago after an argument with his boss (no idea what about) and me and his girlfriend both agreed it was a stupid thing to do but he didn't seem to care and he spent the summer looking after the 5 year old when his gf was working or playing on the Xbox.

Calmate both the op's sons are at university - the younger one has the pregnant girlfriend and the older lives at university in term time and the younger one objects to his big brother being allowed home in the holidays. Both are students.

[diddymu]

I could potentially be able to help them out financially but I wouldn't want them to get used to it and when I stopped, DS starts behaving like he is now

[whynotwhatknot]

He sounds very entitled telling you what to do about your own house-sounds ungrateful aswell-getting pregnant whilst living in a room with your gf and dc is ridiculous and immature

[AnneLovesGilbert]

It’s not fair on your other children to keep supporting this one either.