To think you can learn a lot about someone from the way they speak to waiters & shop assistants

[chatterbug22]

Or anyone they perceive to be lower than themselves

Nothing repulses me more than hearing people patronise waiting staff and people who work in retail. Slow timing them, being ‘assertive’ with them, demanding the nominal service charge for the table to be removed for literally no reason than ‘they shouldn’t have put it on the bill without asking me’.

Just think all of it is gross. Even if your new jumper has a snag in it or your food was cold, the person you are speaking with is almost always not to blame and they are at the bottom of the ladder just trying to earn an honest living.

I’ve been told previously that this opinion means I am virtue signalling but I really admire those working for minimum wage as often it’s jobs that have little thanks in exchange for a lot of manual effort.

AIBU?

[Squirrelsnut]

I agree, OP. You can tell everything you need to know about someone by how they treat people they don't HAVE to treat politely.

[pocketvenuss]

@Firecarrier

Service charges absolutely should not be added. I find it incredibly rude. The poor lad can ask someone how to remove it and then he'll know for next time.

Clearly you are one of the people the OP is referring to. The poor lad was about 17 according to the OP. You make it sound like he was at fault. He was simply a minion doing his job of serving and the restaurant set up the billing. Why are you so hard on people? Why are you making out it was in any way his fault?

[pocketvenuss]

@IDontWantToBeAPie

I agree mostly.

But a 12.5% charge for 2 people? We're not in the US. I don't get fucking tips.

Don't you understand how percentages work? What do you mean 12.5% for two people. It makes no difference whether it's 1 person or 4

[pocketvenuss]

@LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet

I’d normally agree with you but TBH I’m absolutely sick of piss poor service post-COVID. Sick of seeing sulky eye-rolling waiters and waitresses looking like it’s completely beneath them to do their job and being generally unhelpful. Also the service charge shouldn’t be going on at all unless asked.

I’m also sick of people (women) being called Karen’s for daring to not tolerate shit service. I went to Smyths a little while ago and had ordered Mario Kart hot wheels figures with the main characters because that was the picture on the website of the item. They gave me a pack of secondary characters I didn’t recognise. When I questioned it the 22yo sneery arsehole said “It does say on our website MADAM that packs may vary. There’s nothing I can do”. I went on the page and it was in tiny writing at the bottom. There was only one picture of the primary characters, and no picture of the pack he handed me. I said “just some feedback for Smyths, you should have a picture of this pack on there so it’s clear it’s pot luck in what you order”. He looked at me like I was scum on his shoe and said “What do you expect me to do about it madam?”. I told him not to call me madam and I said can you check there is the pack with Mario etc in it. He refused. I went to the aisle myself and found one. I complained about him and I’m not sorry, he was a patronising twat.

Im sure if someone was filming I’d have been called a Karen but I’m too long in the tooth to spend £20 on a toy to get given the wrong one and meekly say “OK that’s fine” and slink off kicking myself. I was like that when I was younger, not now.

I think we need to normalise speaking up against shit service. Not rudely of course, but I’m sorry I’m not going to sit and wonder if the waiter has anxiety or is having a bad day before I send back my incorrect food that I’m forking out money for.

No one is suggesting you do. The OP is talking about the tone and manner in which to speak with staff.

[latetothefisting]

I was going to say that obviously yanbu but the example you chose to give is really odd.

I hate 'service charges' anyway - adding an additional charge when there's no viable alternative is ridiculous - why should you pay more to have your food served to you, it's not like they let you go up to the kitchen and grab it yourself? What's next, a cooking charge if you want a warm meal?

And the 'poor lad' description and assumption he wouldn't be capable of a very basic task, is infantalising and condescending, and would have insulted me when I was working service/retail at that age (and younger) and proud of being competent, earning my own money, and doing as good job as the adults I worked alongside. He's working as a waiter in a restaurant, amending the bill is a completely appropriate thing to expect him to be able to do, she wasn't suggesting he go out and defrost her car for her! 16 year olds can work in childcare and join the army ffs, they aren't incapable.

Being rude to people and speaking down to them is never okay (and usually short sighted as you almost always get better results just by being nice!), but it's okay not to want to pay an optional charge if you don't feel it's deserved.

[LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet]

@pocketvenuss

Clearly you are one of the people the OP is referring to. The poor lad was about 17 according to the OP. You make it sound like he was at fault. He was simply a minion doing his job of serving and the restaurant set up the billing. Why are you so hard on people? Why are you making out it was in any way his fault?

I don’t get this.

If you want a service charge removing or a cold meal returning is it really so unreasonable to ask a staff member to do this?! Being 17 doesn’t mean he’s an idiot, he should be competent enough to go back to the kitchen and ask for another meal.

[LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet]

@pocketvenuss

Don't you understand how percentages work? What do you mean 12.5% for two people. It makes no difference whether it's 1 person or 4

What that poster means is a service charge normally goes onto bills for large tables because it’s a lot of work. A service charge doesn’t need to be on a bill for 2 people.

[LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet]

@pocketvenuss

No one is suggesting you do. The OP is talking about the tone and manner in which to speak with staff.

Well I expect the tone and manner from staff to be polite and I’m increasingly finding service staff to be sullen and stroppy

[Meseekslookatme]

@LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet

Well I expect the tone and manner from staff to be polite and I’m increasingly finding service staff to be sullen and stroppy

To be fair, since all the EU nationals went home, service has been awful.
I love the way people are clinging on to the poor lad reference.
On mumsnet they are still children to be mollycoddled until they are at least 25 🤣

[Devoutspoken]

Just pay the service charge, get out of there and never return if service was shit, but don't make a big song and dance about it

[EPFromTheStates]

Please don't get lost in the meaningless labels that are trending right now, like virtue signaling. It goes back to the golden rule, "Treat others the way you want to be treated," from the Bible. If you were in their shoes, would you want to deal with entitled and aggressive customers or ones who are nice and understanding? Whichever you select, be that kind of customer to others.

[myusernamewastakenbyme]

I was waitressing last year and around noon on a Sunday I had a phone call from a man demanding a certain table for 12.30pm....Sundays were our busiest days and the table he wanted had already been requested by someone else....when told this he demanded I speak to my boss and get it rectified....I told my boss if he gave rude man the table i would walk out....rude man came in and we gave him a crap table near the toilets....if he had been less rude and demanding I would have given him a nice table but he was such an arse....

[Snugglemonkey]

Yanbu. I would definitely judge someone who was behaving horribly toward people in customer service roles. I have worked as a waitress and on the checkouts while a student. People could be so nasty. I would not be ok with anyone behaving like that, they are not the type of person I want to be around.

[underneaththeash]

@Kanaloa unfortunately in this case the shop is in the wrong. The Consumer Act 2015 makes it clear that goods must be "as described" putting something in the small print to say that goods may vary doesn't cut it. You cannot contract out of statute law.

I'm not surprised you have multiple pissed off people who have gone out of their way to collect something and it's not what they ordered.

[LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet]

@Meseekslookatme

To be fair, since all the EU nationals went home, service has been awful.
I love the way people are clinging on to the poor lad reference.
On mumsnet they are still children to be mollycoddled until they are at least 25 🤣

Yes and never expected to do the basic work of their job 🤣

[LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet]

@Devoutspoken

Just pay the service charge, get out of there and never return if service was shit, but don't make a big song and dance about it

Bollocks to that.

No one should pay a forced charged on something that wasn’t up to standard.

[CarPoor]

There's no excuse for being rude or patronising to service staff. However I have noticed a culture on social media of not being able to question staff.

For example the service charge, it's perfectly reasonable to ask to remove the service charge. I hate service charges. I will likely tip but a)is the service charge going to the waiter who served me and b) its my choice to tip, service is included in the price of food.

Things like customers asking where the sugar is is apparently wrong. Elderly people not being able to work contactless. Theres a lot of sullen grumpy staff. I was recently in a restaurant where they didn't serve me my full meal, when I politely asked asked server blatantly lied to me and said no it doesn't come with x. It's fucking on the menu right in front of me. Say a quick sorry and get me the rest of my meal. The initial mistake is likely the kitchens and not a problem, but lying and acting like I'm a knob for questioning where half my meal is is shit service.

I get customer facing roles can be really taxing, but equally it is your job and I hey frustrated with having to be grateful for grumpy service.

[Kanaloa]

@underneaththeash

@Kanaloa unfortunately in this case the shop is in the wrong. The Consumer Act 2015 makes it clear that goods must be "as described" putting something in the small print to say that goods may vary doesn't cut it. You cannot contract out of statute law.

I'm not surprised you have multiple pissed off people who have gone out of their way to collect something and it's not what they ordered.

It’s not small print. It’s written directly under the ‘add to basket’ in very clear terms, describing it as a packs may vary item. I have included a photo upthread, it’s very El obvious and easy to see. It isn’t hidden at all. Customers are expected to read the basic information before buying, not just look at the picture, otherwise you get ‘why does the doll stroller have a doll in it in the photo’ even though it clearly states ‘doll not included.’

[Kanaloa]

So the goods are very much ‘as described.’ It’s just that customers don’t want to be responsible for reading the short description before buying.

[Devoutspoken]

if you can afford a tip, it's mean not to pay its a very unattractive trait

[LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet]

@CarPoor

There's no excuse for being rude or patronising to service staff. However I have noticed a culture on social media of not being able to question staff.

For example the service charge, it's perfectly reasonable to ask to remove the service charge. I hate service charges. I will likely tip but a)is the service charge going to the waiter who served me and b) its my choice to tip, service is included in the price of food.

Things like customers asking where the sugar is is apparently wrong. Elderly people not being able to work contactless. Theres a lot of sullen grumpy staff. I was recently in a restaurant where they didn't serve me my full meal, when I politely asked asked server blatantly lied to me and said no it doesn't come with x. It's fucking on the menu right in front of me. Say a quick sorry and get me the rest of my meal. The initial mistake is likely the kitchens and not a problem, but lying and acting like I'm a knob for questioning where half my meal is is shit service.

I get customer facing roles can be really taxing, but equally it is your job and I hey frustrated with having to be grateful for grumpy service.

Yes exactly.

I do think it seems to be expected these days that customers order what they want and if it’s not as advertised or expected or you want a nanosecond of someone’s time to help you then you are being hugely unreasonable and a Karen and a sobbing member of staff will make a ‘funny’ TikTok about you.

Or you have to do the British grovelling apology of “Pretty please May you get the thing that I actually ordered thank you sorry my fault sorry”

[MyTabbyCats]

Absolutely. Years ago, a good friend of mine went on a date with a man she’d liked for ages. They went to a restaurant where he spoke rudely to the staff. There was no second date, it put her off and rightly so.

[LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet]

@Kanaloa

It’s not small print. It’s written directly under the ‘add to basket’ in very clear terms, describing it as a packs may vary item. I have included a photo upthread, it’s very El obvious and easy to see. It isn’t hidden at all. Customers are expected to read the basic information before buying, not just look at the picture, otherwise you get ‘why does the doll stroller have a doll in it in the photo’ even though it clearly states ‘doll not included.’

And as I said when I ordered it the page didn’t look like that.

I know you’re looking to make excuses for the place you worked but most people expect what they order to be the thing that’s in the picture on the page without having to give much thought to it actually being something else

[LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet]

@Kanaloa

So the goods are very much ‘as described.’ It’s just that customers don’t want to be responsible for reading the short description before buying.

OR the store didn’t want to be responsible for having a misleading photo on their website. Either way it’s their problem to sort.

[LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet]

@Devoutspoken

if you can afford a tip, it's mean not to pay its a very unattractive trait

I can afford a tip but I only tip if it’s been earned. I won’t tip shit service, we are not in the States.