To think you can learn a lot about someone from the way they speak to waiters & shop assistants

[chatterbug22]

Or anyone they perceive to be lower than themselves

Nothing repulses me more than hearing people patronise waiting staff and people who work in retail. Slow timing them, being ‘assertive’ with them, demanding the nominal service charge for the table to be removed for literally no reason than ‘they shouldn’t have put it on the bill without asking me’.

Just think all of it is gross. Even if your new jumper has a snag in it or your food was cold, the person you are speaking with is almost always not to blame and they are at the bottom of the ladder just trying to earn an honest living.

I’ve been told previously that this opinion means I am virtue signalling but I really admire those working for minimum wage as often it’s jobs that have little thanks in exchange for a lot of manual effort.

AIBU?

[Bouledeneige]

Doesn't everyone think that? Its not exactly an unusual point of view.

[Hawkins001]

At the end of the day we are all human, it does not cost anything for some manners, and consideration of others. That said, some people attitudes etc, 😲

[chatterbug22]

@Bouledeneige well you’d hope but I was out with friends the other day and one friend of the group put her foot down and made a remark about the service charge, the poor staff were rushed off their feet. Someone else agreed with her. Luckily me and another friend were privately sickened and discussed it after. Poor lad only looked 17 and probably didn’t know how to even remove the service charge, just made things awkward

[Quitelikeit]

It doesn’t mean she was talking down to him though?

if there’s going to be a service charge added then really it should be advertised on the menu or somewhere in the restaurant

believe me there are plenty of rude waiters and store assistants!!!

[Firecarrier]

Service charges absolutely should not be added. I find it incredibly rude. The poor lad can ask someone how to remove it and then he'll know for next time.

[Giggorata]

What do you mean by slow timing?

[WinterDeWinter]

I couldn’t agree more. Apart from the bumptiousness of it, it’s so utterly naff to throw your weight around with people on minimum wage.

my lovely lovely best friend speaks in a clipped tone to waiters and I cringe. I don’t know where it comes from. Maybe a defence against a feeling of ‘not belonging’ in posh places when she was a young woman, and it stuck?

[SteveHarringtonsChestHair]

I know this is usually considered to be a sign of how someone views themselves in the hierarchy, but my ex was a massive narcissist - believed he was better, cleverer, richer, more handsome etc than most other people. In restaurants he was charm itself - he would ask the waiting staff what they recommend from the menu, chat about their life, call them by their name.

He came across as someone who really respected people and (having worked in the food industry himself as a younger man) he made a big deal of acknowledging the hard work of staff, leaving big tips etc.

But it was all a front. He had no respect at all for anyone, it was all just a performance of “look what a great guy I am”.

Obviously anyone who is rude to anyone else is a dickhead. But conversely I wouldn’t take someone’s good behaviour to mean they’re a good person.

[Northernsouloldies]

I worked in a hotel kitchen at 16 and I saw what happened behind the scenes when customers had bad attitude n believe me it wasn't pretty. 😁

[NumberTheory]

From the examples you’ve given, I don’t think it tells you much about the person other than that they’ve been brought up not to think of it as their job to make up for shitty management practices.

Your example of asking for a service charge to be removed - why on earth shouldn’t you expect that to be something wait staff can do?

[Doingtheboxerbeat]

I agree that there is no need to be snippy or rude but if you are 17 and are unable to help me, then I may ask for someone that can.
I will be polite and respectful,but I won't leave the store with a faulty item that I can't exchange because you don't know how to process it.

[IDontWantToBeAPie]

I agree mostly.

But a 12.5% charge for 2 people? We're not in the US. I don't get fucking tips.

[Precipice]

People should be polite, but they don't have to take anything the business or the staff sees fit to throw at them.

"demanding the nominal service charge for the table to be removed for literally no reason than ‘they shouldn’t have put it on the bill without asking me’" Absolutely nothing wrong with this. The only 'service charge' that's mandatory is the one included in the food price. Adding "optional" gratuities to the bill is an outrage that should be stopped.

If your food is cold, you should also point this out to the waiter or waitress. It's not their fault, but it is something that they can get fixed. Why should you suffer through an unpleasant cold meal that you're paying for? For most meals, that's a quick fix.

[GriddleScone]

Not always, I'm lovely to waiters and shop staff, but I'm a total bitch to everyone else.

[GLADragss]

Honestly I have never been around anyone in my personal life who treats staff badly.

The only person who did was a horrible colleague, who ended up being sacked for assaulting another colleague the same night. At the Christmas do he sent back his food twice and was loudly rating his food out of 10 to the waiter (saying it was a 1) and demanding to see a manager. So much second hand embarrassment

[LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet]

I’d normally agree with you but TBH I’m absolutely sick of piss poor service post-COVID. Sick of seeing sulky eye-rolling waiters and waitresses looking like it’s completely beneath them to do their job and being generally unhelpful. Also the service charge shouldn’t be going on at all unless asked.

I’m also sick of people (women) being called Karen’s for daring to not tolerate shit service. I went to Smyths a little while ago and had ordered Mario Kart hot wheels figures with the main characters because that was the picture on the website of the item. They gave me a pack of secondary characters I didn’t recognise. When I questioned it the 22yo sneery arsehole said “It does say on our website MADAM that packs may vary. There’s nothing I can do”. I went on the page and it was in tiny writing at the bottom. There was only one picture of the primary characters, and no picture of the pack he handed me. I said “just some feedback for Smyths, you should have a picture of this pack on there so it’s clear it’s pot luck in what you order”. He looked at me like I was scum on his shoe and said “What do you expect me to do about it madam?”. I told him not to call me madam and I said can you check there is the pack with Mario etc in it. He refused. I went to the aisle myself and found one. I complained about him and I’m not sorry, he was a patronising twat.

Im sure if someone was filming I’d have been called a Karen but I’m too long in the tooth to spend £20 on a toy to get given the wrong one and meekly say “OK that’s fine” and slink off kicking myself. I was like that when I was younger, not now.

I think we need to normalise speaking up against shit service. Not rudely of course, but I’m sorry I’m not going to sit and wonder if the waiter has anxiety or is having a bad day before I send back my incorrect food that I’m forking out money for.

[LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet]

And I’ve worked in retail and in restaurants. If the food was cold and someone pointed out it never occurred to me to be upset or offended. They should send it back!

[Kanaloa]

Yeah people treat you like shit when you work retail. It’s rubbish. Obviously it’s fine to send something back/return an item/complain that your item is not correct - but generally speaking the person you’re speaking to has had no hand in whatever has upset you.

However, I don’t think it’s exactly an unusual world view to think people who are arseholes to service staff are not nice people.

[Sparklybutold]

Absolutely. My FIL has always talked to wait staff like crap. I really don't like him very much for this and lots if other reasons. My son has also noticed it. I keep my distance.

[ThatEdgyFeeling]

@SteveHarringtonsChestHair

I know this is usually considered to be a sign of how someone views themselves in the hierarchy, but my ex was a massive narcissist - believed he was better, cleverer, richer, more handsome etc than most other people. In restaurants he was charm itself - he would ask the waiting staff what they recommend from the menu, chat about their life, call them by their name.

He came across as someone who really respected people and (having worked in the food industry himself as a younger man) he made a big deal of acknowledging the hard work of staff, leaving big tips etc.

But it was all a front. He had no respect at all for anyone, it was all just a performance of “look what a great guy I am”.

Obviously anyone who is rude to anyone else is a dickhead. But conversely I wouldn’t take someone’s good behaviour to mean they’re a good person.

I agree with this too. I know someone who is all 'what's your name, sir' with restaurant and hotel staff and it is a front.

[Kanaloa]

@LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet

I’d normally agree with you but TBH I’m absolutely sick of piss poor service post-COVID. Sick of seeing sulky eye-rolling waiters and waitresses looking like it’s completely beneath them to do their job and being generally unhelpful. Also the service charge shouldn’t be going on at all unless asked.

I’m also sick of people (women) being called Karen’s for daring to not tolerate shit service. I went to Smyths a little while ago and had ordered Mario Kart hot wheels figures with the main characters because that was the picture on the website of the item. They gave me a pack of secondary characters I didn’t recognise. When I questioned it the 22yo sneery arsehole said “It does say on our website MADAM that packs may vary. There’s nothing I can do”. I went on the page and it was in tiny writing at the bottom. There was only one picture of the primary characters, and no picture of the pack he handed me. I said “just some feedback for Smyths, you should have a picture of this pack on there so it’s clear it’s pot luck in what you order”. He looked at me like I was scum on his shoe and said “What do you expect me to do about it madam?”. I told him not to call me madam and I said can you check there is the pack with Mario etc in it. He refused. I went to the aisle myself and found one. I complained about him and I’m not sorry, he was a patronising twat.

Im sure if someone was filming I’d have been called a Karen but I’m too long in the tooth to spend £20 on a toy to get given the wrong one and meekly say “OK that’s fine” and slink off kicking myself. I was like that when I was younger, not now.

I think we need to normalise speaking up against shit service. Not rudely of course, but I’m sorry I’m not going to sit and wonder if the waiter has anxiety or is having a bad day before I send back my incorrect food that I’m forking out money for.

I’ve worked for the shop you’re talking about and to be honest (obviously I don’t know his tone) he was just saying the obvious. It’s very difficult to have multiple irate customers barging up complaining that they didn’t get the red hair lol doll/barbie tennis outfit/green hot wheel car when it says very clearly on the website that packs may vary. You didn’t read the information on the item you ordered.

It’s also irritating when customers start giving you ‘feedback for Smyths’ as if it’s the customer service worker out there snapping photos and uploading them to the store website.

But overall it depends how the customer approaches it. A customer coming in with an attitude when they’re the ones who’ve made the mistake by not bothering to read the information on what they’ve ordered and then expecting me to fix it while snottily me feedback for how to improve parts of the company I have no control over is hardly going to endear me to them and have me running round trying to help them.

[Kanaloa]

And you weren’t given the ‘wrong one.’ That again makes it sound like you came at it from the angle that this was their mistake rather than yours. You were given a pack that you had ordered on a page that stated that packs may vary. It just wasn’t the one you wanted.

[LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet]

@Kanaloa when there is one picture on the website it would never occur to me to scroll down to the description at the very bottom to check just in case I’m not going to get what’s in that one picture. And I was pleasant / he was sneery and patronising. I don’t tolerate that kind of tone, I didn’t speak to people like that when I worked in retail and I do think that it would have just been easier all round has he said “I’ll nip and find one for you”.

I bet my bottom dollar if I was a 6’4” burly bloke he wouldn’t have spoken to me like that.

[LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet]

@Kanaloa

And you weren’t given the ‘wrong one.’ That again makes it sound like you came at it from the angle that this was their mistake rather than yours. You were given a pack that you had ordered on a page that stated that packs may vary. It just wasn’t the one you wanted.

There was one picture on the website, I fairly assumed that’s what I was ordering and I was handed something different. Should I not have questioned it? The reason I went on the page was because he spoke to me like I was thick as pig shit for not assuming something with one picture was actually a ‘packs may vary’ item. And actually there ARE places that will note feed back from customers and ‘run it up the chain’ so to speak rather than scoffing in their faces. Tesco are a good example

[Kanaloa]

@LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet

@Kanaloa when there is one picture on the website it would never occur to me to scroll down to the description at the very bottom to check just in case I’m not going to get what’s in that one picture. And I was pleasant / he was sneery and patronising. I don’t tolerate that kind of tone, I didn’t speak to people like that when I worked in retail and I do think that it would have just been easier all round has he said “I’ll nip and find one for you”.

I bet my bottom dollar if I was a 6’4” burly bloke he wouldn’t have spoken to me like that.

But there was one already out. You could have ‘nipped and found one’ yourself, and did. And again, it was your mistake - when you’re buying an item it’s your responsibility to read the information.

The problem with these ‘packs may vary’ toys is that there is generally a popular one and less popular one. We can’t set a precedent of running round after customers who don’t read the information then complain that they wanted Pikachu not Charmander. And if he was handling click and collect orders it would not have been his responsibility to be on the shop floor doing picking of items that were already out for customers who don’t want to go and get them.