To think you can learn a lot about someone from the way they speak to waiters & shop assistants

[chatterbug22]

Or anyone they perceive to be lower than themselves

Nothing repulses me more than hearing people patronise waiting staff and people who work in retail. Slow timing them, being ‘assertive’ with them, demanding the nominal service charge for the table to be removed for literally no reason than ‘they shouldn’t have put it on the bill without asking me’.

Just think all of it is gross. Even if your new jumper has a snag in it or your food was cold, the person you are speaking with is almost always not to blame and they are at the bottom of the ladder just trying to earn an honest living.

I’ve been told previously that this opinion means I am virtue signalling but I really admire those working for minimum wage as often it’s jobs that have little thanks in exchange for a lot of manual effort.

AIBU?

[MyTabbyCats]

@SteveHarringtonsChestHair

I know this is usually considered to be a sign of how someone views themselves in the hierarchy, but my ex was a massive narcissist - believed he was better, cleverer, richer, more handsome etc than most other people. In restaurants he was charm itself - he would ask the waiting staff what they recommend from the menu, chat about their life, call them by their name.

He came across as someone who really respected people and (having worked in the food industry himself as a younger man) he made a big deal of acknowledging the hard work of staff, leaving big tips etc.

But it was all a front. He had no respect at all for anyone, it was all just a performance of “look what a great guy I am”.

Obviously anyone who is rude to anyone else is a dickhead. But conversely I wouldn’t take someone’s good behaviour to mean they’re a good person.

I think anyone who has worked long enough in retail or hospitality can identify these types, too. I’m suspicious of anyone that wants to be my ‘mate’ and is overly friendly. It makes my skin crawl. You know they just want something from you - discount, attention, special treatment.

[Kanaloa]

@LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet

And as I said when I ordered it the page didn’t look like that.

I know you’re looking to make excuses for the place you worked but most people expect what they order to be the thing that’s in the picture on the page without having to give much thought to it actually being something else

I’m not making excuses. It was a shit place to work - I couldn’t care less if the place went under tomorrow morning! Of course I only have your word for what it looked like when you ordered, I didn’t see it then. When I worked there it was clearly stated like above, and I would always pull it up immediately to show customers who came in complaining that they didn’t know xyz.

[Kanaloa]

And really as I said, you shouldn’t be buying based only on pictures. Lots of dolls prams show a picture with a doll in it, toys shown with accessories they don’t come with, several toys shown together when in fact you only buy one of those etc. As a customer, it’s our job to read the basic information on what we’re buying.

[LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet]

When I was a waitress I dreaded the over friendly chummy ones. It was ALWAYS men who at some point in the night would decide to grab my arse. I used to think “give me a rude dickhead any day”. This was late 90’s/early 00’s and I really hope things have improved for women in those roles.

[LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet]

@Kanaloa

And really as I said, you shouldn’t be buying based only on pictures. Lots of dolls prams show a picture with a doll in it, toys shown with accessories they don’t come with, several toys shown together when in fact you only buy one of those etc. As a customer, it’s our job to read the basic information on what we’re buying.

Sorry but it’s ridiculous to state that I shouldn’t expect a product I order to look like the ONE picture on the website.

[Kanaloa]

@LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet

When I was a waitress I dreaded the over friendly chummy ones. It was ALWAYS men who at some point in the night would decide to grab my arse. I used to think “give me a rude dickhead any day”. This was late 90’s/early 00’s and I really hope things have improved for women in those roles.

Erm… I don’t have to choose between sexual assault in the workplace or rude behaviour in the workplace. Customer service workers have to right to expect polite and civil behaviour at all time. They don’t have to think ‘well she’s a rude dickhead but at least I’m not being groped.’ What an odd train of thought.

[Kanaloa]

@LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet

Sorry but it’s ridiculous to state that I shouldn’t expect a product I order to look like the ONE picture on the website.

Not that ridiculous when they tell you that it might not be the item pictured.

[LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet]

@Kanaloa

Erm… I don’t have to choose between sexual assault in the workplace or rude behaviour in the workplace. Customer service workers have to right to expect polite and civil behaviour at all time. They don’t have to think ‘well she’s a rude dickhead but at least I’m not being groped.’ What an odd train of thought.

<Peers at own post>

Sorry but I cannot see where I said you HAVE to choose from those two?

[Kanaloa]

@LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet

<Peers at own post>

Sorry but I cannot see where I said you HAVE to choose from those two?

Peer harder. The post said that you (after being sexually assaulted at work) thought ‘I’d rather deal with a rude dickhead.’ This is irrelevant and pointless to state, as these are not the two options. I’d rather not deal with sexual assault or a rude dickhead - just a polite customer.

[LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet]

@Kanaloa

Not that ridiculous when they tell you that it might not be the item pictured.

OK im going to say this for the last time because it’s getting boring now.

Its perfectly reasonable to order something from a web page and believe you are getting the item in the ONE picture that is on there.

Its not normal practice to read every word to check that it’s definitely not going to be an entirely different item from the picture.

I know you can claim that the words being on the page somewhere mean the customer is ‘at fault’ for not reading every single minute part, but on Planet Earth where common sense is used, the shop are way more at fault for misleading customers with one picture. Because NOBODY reads the whole page and can’t be expected to.

It’s perfectly reasonable to ask the staff to try and find the item you were actually looking for.

[Giggorata]

Please will someone tell me, what is slow timing?
I have googled it without success.

[LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet]

@Kanaloa

Peer harder. The post said that you (after being sexually assaulted at work) thought ‘I’d rather deal with a rude dickhead.’ This is irrelevant and pointless to state, as these are not the two options. I’d rather not deal with sexual assault or a rude dickhead - just a polite customer.

Oh FFS you’re just being obtuse and annoying now. You know perfectly well what I meant. Cannot stand this over-literal way of being with people, no wonder you’re not fit for customer service.

[Pismascrescents]

Yes re the above posters who have said the narcs have got the memo- it’s everywhere that people who mistreat waiters etc are not good people. The Narcs have indeed got the memo; they now reserve those emotions for call centre staff and behave in public.

In a way, this isn’t necessarily a good thing- if they have learned to “hide” their true face apart from at home, things might be worse for their partner.

[LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet]

@Giggorata

Please will someone tell me, what is slow timing?
I have googled it without success.

I think it means complaining because of how slow the service is?

[user1471457751]

@Kanaloa

Erm… I don’t have to choose between sexual assault in the workplace or rude behaviour in the workplace. Customer service workers have to right to expect polite and civil behaviour at all time. They don’t have to think ‘well she’s a rude dickhead but at least I’m not being groped.’ What an odd train of thought.

Really? Because I would think most people would rather deal with someone being rude rather than be sexually assaulted. I know I would. But you clearly can't stand that other poster and will argue with anything she says.

[Kanaloa]

@LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet

Oh FFS you’re just being obtuse and annoying now. You know perfectly well what I meant. Cannot stand this over-literal way of being with people, no wonder you’re not fit for customer service.

I’m perfectly fit for customer service - have worked well in it for years. I don’t tolerate any rudeness from customers though, and I still think it’s ridiculous to blame a shop because you only buy items based on pictures rather than reading what the item is.

[Kanaloa]

@user1471457751

Really? Because I would think most people would rather deal with someone being rude rather than be sexually assaulted. I know I would. But you clearly can't stand that other poster and will argue with anything she says.

It’s not the point - you shouldn’t think ‘oh I wish I hadn’t been sexually assaulted, wish I’d just been verbally abused.’ These are not two options linked to or relevant to one another.

[LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet]

@Kanaloa

I’m perfectly fit for customer service - have worked well in it for years. I don’t tolerate any rudeness from customers though, and I still think it’s ridiculous to blame a shop because you only buy items based on pictures rather than reading what the item is.

I bought an item based on the picture and title. Totally and perfectly reasonable to expect the item I get to be the one described in the title and pictured and I doubt you’ll find anyone who disagrees with that.

[LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet]

@Kanaloa

It’s not the point - you shouldn’t think ‘oh I wish I hadn’t been sexually assaulted, wish I’d just been verbally abused.’ These are not two options linked to or relevant to one another.

Literally no one says that and that’s not what I was suggesting.

You’re either being obtuse or just plain thick.

My point was I’d rather than a dickhead who is an overt dickhead than a charmer who makes out they’re nice but is actually also a dickhead.

And I agree with a PP you’re being contrary AF towards me and it’s getting boring.

[Tigerstripe20]

I worked in retail and hotel management 20 years ago and people could be exceptionally rude then.
I was reported by a member of the public for not giving out a free fish finger and apparently told the women to F off thank god I had a colleague stood next to me to stand up for me as it was my word against this woman’s and I have never sworn at a customer ( in my head only )she nearly cost me my job as it went to internal investigation.
The final straw was a ‘gentleman’ apoplectic with rage as he deemed baby sweetcorn not to be a real vegetable whilst I was a hotel asst manager, I actually thought he was going to have a medical episode he was so mad ,apparently real sweetcorn was fine, which I gave him without fuss.
I have just got back from holiday and have seen entitlement at its finest on a coupon of occasions,dismissing wait staff with a wave of the hand, not acknowledging servers when they said hello, just generally courtesy.

[Ijuststoodonlego]

@SteveHarringtonsChestHair

I know this is usually considered to be a sign of how someone views themselves in the hierarchy, but my ex was a massive narcissist - believed he was better, cleverer, richer, more handsome etc than most other people. In restaurants he was charm itself - he would ask the waiting staff what they recommend from the menu, chat about their life, call them by their name.

He came across as someone who really respected people and (having worked in the food industry himself as a younger man) he made a big deal of acknowledging the hard work of staff, leaving big tips etc.

But it was all a front. He had no respect at all for anyone, it was all just a performance of “look what a great guy I am”.

Obviously anyone who is rude to anyone else is a dickhead. But conversely I wouldn’t take someone’s good behaviour to mean they’re a good person.

Good point!

[Flumpmageddon]

Sorry but it’s ridiculous to state that I shouldn’t expect a product I order to look like the ONE picture on the website.

I have an online shop. I once had a customer complain that the product I sent her wasn't the same size as the one in the picture ? I do not sell a product where bigger is better, so absolutely no benefit to me trying to deceive anyone with cleverly angled photography, she had just not bothered to read the clearly outlined the dimensions of the product in the description.
It was at this point I had to explain how scale works. God help her if she ever bought furniture online.
People don't read things properly, which is ok, but it's their attitude towards you after that will determine how helpful I am in rectifying their mistake.

[LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet]

@Flumpmageddon

Sorry but it’s ridiculous to state that I shouldn’t expect a product I order to look like the ONE picture on the website.

I have an online shop. I once had a customer complain that the product I sent her wasn't the same size as the one in the picture ? I do not sell a product where bigger is better, so absolutely no benefit to me trying to deceive anyone with cleverly angled photography, she had just not bothered to read the clearly outlined the dimensions of the product in the description.
It was at this point I had to explain how scale works. God help her if she ever bought furniture online.
People don't read things properly, which is ok, but it's their attitude towards you after that will determine how helpful I am in rectifying their mistake.

But presumably she did get what was in the picture she just misjudged the size? That’s v different to the situation I described above. I wasn’t complaining about the size, it was an entirely different product that was the problem

[CuteOrangeElephant]

People are rude to cleaners too.

I used to travel a lot for work and always made it a point to be nice to cleaners, they always are an excellent fount of local knowledge and also it doesn't cost me anything to be friendly, polite and not leave a mess. A surprising number of colleagues didn't understand that.

[beachcitygirl]

@LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet

I’d normally agree with you but TBH I’m absolutely sick of piss poor service post-COVID. Sick of seeing sulky eye-rolling waiters and waitresses looking like it’s completely beneath them to do their job and being generally unhelpful. Also the service charge shouldn’t be going on at all unless asked.

I’m also sick of people (women) being called Karen’s for daring to not tolerate shit service. I went to Smyths a little while ago and had ordered Mario Kart hot wheels figures with the main characters because that was the picture on the website of the item. They gave me a pack of secondary characters I didn’t recognise. When I questioned it the 22yo sneery arsehole said “It does say on our website MADAM that packs may vary. There’s nothing I can do”. I went on the page and it was in tiny writing at the bottom. There was only one picture of the primary characters, and no picture of the pack he handed me. I said “just some feedback for Smyths, you should have a picture of this pack on there so it’s clear it’s pot luck in what you order”. He looked at me like I was scum on his shoe and said “What do you expect me to do about it madam?”. I told him not to call me madam and I said can you check there is the pack with Mario etc in it. He refused. I went to the aisle myself and found one. I complained about him and I’m not sorry, he was a patronising twat.

Im sure if someone was filming I’d have been called a Karen but I’m too long in the tooth to spend £20 on a toy to get given the wrong one and meekly say “OK that’s fine” and slink off kicking myself. I was like that when I was younger, not now.

I think we need to normalise speaking up against shit service. Not rudely of course, but I’m sorry I’m not going to sit and wonder if the waiter has anxiety or is having a bad day before I send back my incorrect food that I’m forking out money for.

Hmmm

So much to unpack here.
But let's get a few things straight.

You made the mistake.
You didn't read the information

You didn't like the perfectly polite accepted form of address for a stranger whose name one doesn't know ie. Sir/Madam

Minimum wage counter staff aren't the advertising team.
If you wanted to provide feedback then do so to the appropriate team. There will
Be a link on website.

You were an utter asshole.