To think you can learn a lot about someone from the way they speak to waiters & shop assistants

[chatterbug22]

Or anyone they perceive to be lower than themselves

Nothing repulses me more than hearing people patronise waiting staff and people who work in retail. Slow timing them, being ‘assertive’ with them, demanding the nominal service charge for the table to be removed for literally no reason than ‘they shouldn’t have put it on the bill without asking me’.

Just think all of it is gross. Even if your new jumper has a snag in it or your food was cold, the person you are speaking with is almost always not to blame and they are at the bottom of the ladder just trying to earn an honest living.

I’ve been told previously that this opinion means I am virtue signalling but I really admire those working for minimum wage as often it’s jobs that have little thanks in exchange for a lot of manual effort.

AIBU?

[Maverickess]

Not always tbh, as a pp says it can all be a front and most of us can see straight through it, though I at least accept it at face value because it's not really worth much more of my time than that tbh, I love the way some customers think they're so important that I'll actively go out of my way to piss them off, when I've never met them before and am unlikely to again, causing myself hassle as well and risking a complaint because they're so important that I must be plotting against them in some way or another.

I'll always try and help but come at me with an attitude from the get go and you'll get the bare minimum back because you're already giving me shit, why would I give you more time (and other customers less) and more opportunity to do that when I could be helping people who actually want some help, not just someone to feel superior over today?

People who behave like that I tend to think are on a power trip, or like the attention of being a 'victim' I have customers do it to me, and I have a friend who is like it, she likes the sympathy, apologies and fuss when she gets all upset over some small issue that's barely worth registering, or makes it up completely (the tone she was spoken to in, the body language, the way they looked at her - all of which are perception and nothing more the majority of the time) makes a big fuss about it all and gets lots of sorry and the warm comfort that someone will be getting a bollocking because she felt shit that day and decided that she needed to ruin someone else's day too.

[AnnListersBlister]

It would put me off someone if they were awful to people they perceive to be below them or indeed, if they perceive people to be below them because of their job or many other factors.

However I agree with PPs, being very friendly and personable with waiting/service staff does not automatically mean Green Flag.

One catches more flies with honey as they say. I will make complaints, and I will bring it to attention if I am not being treated well-but I am not horrible about it. I am not sychophantic and/or over apologetic either.

I also may or may not have once picked my nose and put it into a rather well-known 'lady's' Caesar Salad after she was consistently rude to me and other staff while quaffing her lunchtime Muscadet.

Be nice to your waitress/waiter. .

[Thedemigorgonsbehindyou]

Well this thread took a turn😳

[WomanhoodIsABirthright]

@chatterbug22

@Bouledeneige well you’d hope but I was out with friends the other day and one friend of the group put her foot down and made a remark about the service charge, the poor staff were rushed off their feet. Someone else agreed with her. Luckily me and another friend were privately sickened and discussed it after. Poor lad only looked 17 and probably didn’t know how to even remove the service charge, just made things awkward

What is slow timing?

And if he didn't know how to remove the service charge, he's not that good at his job that he should get a predetermined tip decided by the restaurant, automatically.

I always ask for the service charge to be removed and leave cash instead. At least then the staff have more chance of receiving it.

You do know they mostly likely don't receive their tips if the restaurant takes the money with the bill, don't you op?

[KilmordenCastle]

My POV as a waitress,
I don't think that customers should put up and shut up when something is wrong. But there are definitely ways of going about complaining and if people are going to give me shitty attitude then I will do the bare minimum to sort out their problem. For the people who are kind, polite and understanding I will bend over backwards to help them.

As has been mentioned upthread, when the customer has made a mistake but acts like it's our fault, it's one of the most annoying things ever. Such an entitled attitude! And they will get the bare minimum from me. And as for giving my company feedback about something that is beyond my control, yeah I'll just pop it in a WhatsApp to the managing director 🤣

With service charges, they are optional not compulsory. You don't have to pay them if you don't want to but you don't have to be an arse about it. Just discretely and politely ask to have it removed. If a restaurant adds a service charge then it is that restaurants policy, most likely the tills will automatically do it. The server probably has no control over it, they aren't being rude to you so there's no need to be rude to them. If you are against service charges being added then its best to check whether it is the restaurants policy before you go.

Tbh a lot of issues that people who work in customer service encounter stem from people making assumptions or not checking things before they come in/order/buy. Terms and conditions are there for a reason people, read them. Or because one restaurant/shop does something then people assume that every other restaurant/shop will do the same. It just doesn't work like that.

99% of the time the problem that a customer has is completely out of the minimum wage member of staff that they are talking to's control. Please remember that.

[Devoutspoken]

Treating anyone with disrespect is unattractive but alot of people do it whilst driving as well, everyone else is below them

[Thepeopleversuswork]

@Bouledeneige

Doesn't everyone think that? Its not exactly an unusual point of view.

No people don't all think that.

A lot of people take the view that because you're paying for a service you more or less own someone and that you have the right to be as much of an arsehole as you can. It's the "customer is always right" take to sociopathic conclusions.

I totally agree, OP. I think its scary how often people think the fact that they are paying cash for a product or service gives them the right to be an utter arsehole. As you say its a pretty reliable indicator of how they will treat people they consider to be "inferior" to them.

[Roselilly36]

I agree, so unnecessary to be rude, I am always polite and friendly, I have been given, free items in the past too. I used to know someone who was so, so rude in shops, it was really embarrassing, I stopped going shopping with her in the end.

[SinnerBoy]

I think the point here is that Lydia says she was polite and the assistant was sneering and unhelpful. If I'd have been the assistant, I'd have directed her to the right aisle, if the till was busy.

That said, I'm often in B&M and see customers being horrible and rude to the staff. It's usually because they can't sell them alcohol, because of a lack of ID, or because they don't have something in stock. If I can't find something and ask a floor worker, they almost always take me to it.

They're probably glad to get a minute away from stacking the shelves!

[FOJN]

Even if your new jumper has a snag in it or your food was cold, the person you are speaking with is almost always not to blame and they are at the bottom of the ladder just trying to earn an honest living.

I’ve been told previously that this opinion means I am virtue signalling but I really admire those working for minimum wage as often it’s jobs that have little thanks in exchange for a lot of manual effort.

It's good that you are respectful to people but you do appear to think you are somewhere higher up in the hierarchy status so perhaps the people who accuse you of virtue signalling have a point.

I don't treat people who work minimum wage jobs with respect because I admire them for being "at the bottom of the ladder" or because they get "little thanks in exchange for a lot of manual effort"; they're just people making a living. I treat everyone with courtesy and respect until they give me a reason not too. I imagine being patronised by people who feel sorry for you could be just as bad as rude arseholes.

I may take issue about pay and conditions in minimum wage jobs but that is separate to how I treat anyone.

[Usernamen]

@LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet

I’d normally agree with you but TBH I’m absolutely sick of piss poor service post-COVID. Sick of seeing sulky eye-rolling waiters and waitresses looking like it’s completely beneath them to do their job and being generally unhelpful. Also the service charge shouldn’t be going on at all unless asked.

I’m also sick of people (women) being called Karen’s for daring to not tolerate shit service. I went to Smyths a little while ago and had ordered Mario Kart hot wheels figures with the main characters because that was the picture on the website of the item. They gave me a pack of secondary characters I didn’t recognise. When I questioned it the 22yo sneery arsehole said “It does say on our website MADAM that packs may vary. There’s nothing I can do”. I went on the page and it was in tiny writing at the bottom. There was only one picture of the primary characters, and no picture of the pack he handed me. I said “just some feedback for Smyths, you should have a picture of this pack on there so it’s clear it’s pot luck in what you order”. He looked at me like I was scum on his shoe and said “What do you expect me to do about it madam?”. I told him not to call me madam and I said can you check there is the pack with Mario etc in it. He refused. I went to the aisle myself and found one. I complained about him and I’m not sorry, he was a patronising twat.

Im sure if someone was filming I’d have been called a Karen but I’m too long in the tooth to spend £20 on a toy to get given the wrong one and meekly say “OK that’s fine” and slink off kicking myself. I was like that when I was younger, not now.

I think we need to normalise speaking up against shit service. Not rudely of course, but I’m sorry I’m not going to sit and wonder if the waiter has anxiety or is having a bad day before I send back my incorrect food that I’m forking out money for.

Completely agree with this.

I would never be rude, but I am not going to tip-toe around young staff who may or may not get triggered by a less-than-satisfied customer voicing their concern.

And I too have noticed a huge drop in customer service standards since Covid. It’s depressing.

[LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet]

99% of the time the problem that a customer has is completely out of the minimum wage member of staff that they are talking to's control. Please remember that.

What even if food is cold or the order is wrong? Are customers supposed to nip into the kitchen themselves to sort it?

I think the point here is that Lydia says she was polite and the assistant was sneering and unhelpful. If I'd have been the assistant, I'd have directed her to the right aisle, if the till was busy.

Yes exactly. I don’t think anyone should be rude to sales staff but if you do have a problem and are being polite the people who can sort the problem (ie staff) should solve it. Rather than being righteous and indignant because a customer isn’t putting up with something being wrong

[LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet]

@Usernamen

Completely agree with this.

I would never be rude, but I am not going to tip-toe around young staff who may or may not get triggered by a less-than-satisfied customer voicing their concern.

And I too have noticed a huge drop in customer service standards since Covid. It’s depressing.

Yes exactly. I think post lockdown we tolerated slow or poor service because there were SO MANY extra hurdles and barriers just to do a basic job. But I fear we set a precedent that even without restrictions we expect a poor service. After lockdown if a drink took 30 minutes to to arrive I’d think “They are probably busy skirting round each other by 2m and doing extra hand hygiene, and it’s table only service too, which makes it slower”.

However now that doesn’t really apply. I was in a restaurant a few weeks ago which I’d booked the week before. Sat near the door and loads of people came in who hadn’t booked and the manager did the whole “Well we are pretty full but go on then, we can squeeze you in”. to EVER person. We still hadn’t had our beers 30 minutes after ordering them and I did end up saying after already asking twice where it was “this is ridiculous” all to be snapped at that they’re short staffed and really busy. I said (to the manager letting people in) well stop allowing too many people in then because it’s clearly too full and affecting service. Sorry (not sorry) I won’t sit there tolerating it and thinking “Oh they’re probably very busy and earn a piss poor wage so I’ll just have my dinner with nothing to drink because #BeKind.” Fuck that. Service that poor needs to be called out.

[Abhannmor]

Don't talk nasty to the waiter and then talk nice to me - cos I know you'd treat me like that if you could.
Muhammad Ali.

[LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet]

Don’t think I’d be letting the likes of Muhammad Ali to guide my moral compass TBH.

[SinnerBoy]

You're not confusing him with Mike Tyson, are you?

[Meseekslookatme]

As someone that is always lovely to restaurant and retail staff (I did a decade in retail) this cheers me no end. 🙂
Extra protein sir?
Haha

[dayswithaY]

The problem is most people don’t think they are rude to staff. They think they are just asserting themselves, getting their point across and are always, always in the right. They think the sort of people who are rude to waiters and shop workers are coarse, common and loutish, not nice middle class respectable people.

When I’ve been spoken to appallingly at work, it is almost always by well turned out, well spoken people of a certain age and gender. Who probably describe themselves as being kind.

[Getoff]

@Firecarrier

Service charges absolutely should not be added. I find it incredibly rude. The poor lad can ask someone how to remove it and then he'll know for next time.

I've lived in London since 1987 and can't remember ever having a bill without a service charge. It's possible there were some in the late 80's, my memory is hazy.

I prefer them adding it, save me the angst of working out what it should be. I would almost end up paying more if I had to add it on myself.

[Getoff]

always end up

[LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet]

@SinnerBoy

You're not confusing him with Mike Tyson, are you?

No. Read up on the comments Ali has made about women and relationships with teenage girls in his 30’s.

[SinnerBoy]

Read up on the comments Ali has made about women and relationships with teenage girls in his 30’s.

OK, I'll give it a go. I haven't heard about that side of him and Tyson was / is notorious for it.

[Yesthatismychildsigh]

I’m always polite to anyone serving me, even when something goes slightly wrong. But I will not ever accept a service charge automatically placed on a bill. If the server has gone out of their way, I will leave a tip, but that is my choice. That doesn’t make me rude.

[MrsMyfanwy]

I prefer to give cash as I hate a service charge being added . It's presumptuous in my opinion
If anything they should ask you if they can add it

[ohyouknowwhatshername]

I used to work with a teacher who clicked her fingers at waiters, told them to hurry up and said "smile, it's your job". Horrible woman. Put me right off going out with her for work Christmas dinners etc. She was also very religious, and constantly preaching about how we should treat other people. I don't know how she couldn't see that the way she behaved was far from Christian.