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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner going to a wedding without me

186 replies

ivegotthisyeah · 29/09/2022 18:28

I'll keep it brief and to the point.
if you were invited to a wedding abroad and you couldn't afford it but your partner could ( together just shy of 2 years) one has no money issues no mortgage good job other has mortgage, much lower income and responsibilities to pay for, would you expect partner to pay for other one?
Would you be pissed off if they didn't and booked it without you? It's the better off partners friends wedding

OP posts:
coldcoldheartt · 29/09/2022 18:30

Your post is confusing. Is it your friends wedding or DPs friends wedding ?

Original poster
ivegotthisyeah · 29/09/2022 18:31

Sorry I thought I would be confusing the way I tried to word it. DP mates wedding ( 3rd wedding)

OP posts:
lisavanderpumpscloset · 29/09/2022 18:32

You want him to pay for you to go?

Hearthnhome · 29/09/2022 18:32

Totally depends.

Does the partner not going expect to have a lot of things paid for?

Is the other usually generous?

Does the partner know the people get married and people attending?

How are finances usually split etc?

burnoutbabe · 29/09/2022 18:32

If you lived together then probably I'd expect them to sub you towards it (and if their friends not yours)

Hearthnhome · 29/09/2022 18:32

ivegotthisyeah · 29/09/2022 18:31

Sorry I thought I would be confusing the way I tried to word it. DP mates wedding ( 3rd wedding)

What’s the relevance of the ‘3rd wedding’ bit

Northernsoullover · 29/09/2022 18:33

I'd be pissed off. If I had the money and I saw a future with my partner I'd sub him. I'm not sure I'd expect a partner to pay for me but it would speak volumes about the relationship. Imo.

GoldenSpiral · 29/09/2022 18:34

No, you aren't joined at the hip! You don't even live together. If it were a mutual friend then I might have more sympathy. He doesn't owe you a free holiday.

Original poster
ivegotthisyeah · 29/09/2022 18:35

Don't live together but spends a lot of time at mine, very generous normally, separate finances

OP posts:
Fizzgigg · 29/09/2022 18:35

If it's abroad it could be a lot of money and sounds like you don't live together. So no I wouldn't expect them to pay but would also happily see them go alone.

TedMullins · 29/09/2022 18:36

No I wouldn’t expect a partner to pay for me. I’m the higher earning partner in my relationship and I wouldn’t pay for him to attend a wedding with me. I might pay more (but not the entire cost) towards a joint holiday we both wanted though.

wednesday32 · 29/09/2022 18:36

Not living together and separate finances then partner would go alone. No point paying double the amount. Especially because the costs don’t end at flights and hotel, there’s spending money, taxis/transfer and gift etc

howshouldibehave · 29/09/2022 18:38

If my partner was very generous normally
but was going to this wedding without me, I would be worried they were already paying out for me more than they perhaps should be and would make a conscious effort not
to let them do this so much in future.

MurderAtTheBeautyPageant · 29/09/2022 18:38

Hmmm, I think it depends.

If it's very much his mate, Big Johnno that he's known since school, I wouldn't expect to go with him. If it was a mutual friend I'd perhaps expect him to chip in some money to help me go. but that would also depend on lots of factors

-am I a spendthrift who expects to be bankrolled
-does he earn waaaay more than me
-does he live in my house rent free

those kinds of things.

Also, it's this guy's 3rd wedding? Wait and go to the 4th!

Moonlaserbearwolf · 29/09/2022 18:38

If you don't know the bride and groom I think it makes perfect sense that you wouldn't go.

Tohaveandtohold · 29/09/2022 18:38

No I wouldn’t expect the partner to pay for me in that circumstance, also it’s the partner’s friend anyway so they can go on the trip without me.

Ponderingwindow · 29/09/2022 18:38

It depends on the relationship.

dating, not cohabitating, no blended finances, but plan to eventually do those things, Then no.

actually partnered but not cohabitating or blending finances because you are older and already have children so need to keep things separated to a degree, then maybe.

MurderAtTheBeautyPageant · 29/09/2022 18:39

ivegotthisyeah · 29/09/2022 18:35

Don't live together but spends a lot of time at mine, very generous normally, separate finances

maybe he thinks he's been generous enough?

Original poster
ivegotthisyeah · 29/09/2022 18:39

Northernsoullover · 29/09/2022 18:33

I'd be pissed off. If I had the money and I saw a future with my partner I'd sub him. I'm not sure I'd expect a partner to pay for me but it would speak volumes about the relationship. Imo.

Yes I think if I switched the situation around and I had the money I would pay for / loan / pay towards the wedding so we could both go as I would want him to be with me. Most guest attending with partners / wife's/ husbands and I am friends with this person to!

OP posts:
Cherryana · 29/09/2022 18:39

YABU

Original poster
ivegotthisyeah · 29/09/2022 18:41

@Ponderingwindow second option exactly why we don't live together have and have separate finances

OP posts:
MurderAtTheBeautyPageant · 29/09/2022 18:44

But when you say he's 'normally generous' do you you not think he's maybe making a point that he's tired of being generous? I'm not sure if normally generous means paying the dinner bill or paying for your summer holidays.

coldcoldheartt · 29/09/2022 18:44

Oooh I'm sorry but I think as it's his friends wedding, you don't live together and haven't been together for that long I wouldn't be expecting him to pay for me. BUT it would be nice if he did, of course and if I were you I'd be a little disappointed.

Loachworks · 29/09/2022 18:45

Not when you don't live together and have linked finances. I'd expect more commitment after two years together though.

Caroffee · 29/09/2022 18:46

GoldenSpiral · 29/09/2022 18:34

No, you aren't joined at the hip! You don't even live together. If it were a mutual friend then I might have more sympathy. He doesn't owe you a free holiday.

I agree with this.