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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner going to a wedding without me

186 replies

ivegotthisyeah · 29/09/2022 18:28

I'll keep it brief and to the point.
if you were invited to a wedding abroad and you couldn't afford it but your partner could ( together just shy of 2 years) one has no money issues no mortgage good job other has mortgage, much lower income and responsibilities to pay for, would you expect partner to pay for other one?
Would you be pissed off if they didn't and booked it without you? It's the better off partners friends wedding

OP posts:
Original poster
ivegotthisyeah · 29/09/2022 19:24

@Ginger1982 and why is that? I would never refer to him as by boyfriend because I'm not 15

OP posts:
purpletangos · 29/09/2022 19:25

I would expect him to pay for me to be able to go. If he sees a future with me and is comfortable then why wouldn't he?

OP you are not being unreasonable. Have you asked or hinted? I'd prob ask him when he next brings the wedding up.

Midnights · 29/09/2022 19:26

I do think YABU - girlfriend and partner aren't the same to me either, girlfriend = short term relationship, not serious, no linked finances, not living together etc. Partner = sees a future, living together, probably linked finances, serious relationship etc.

If it's his friends (regardless of if you're now also friendly with them) and you can't afford to go, and have separate finances then I don't think he should pay for you to go. It's going to be expensive enough for just him I'd imagine. Are you able to save up to go at all?

blockpavingismynightmare · 29/09/2022 19:28

I would like to know why he would want to go without you ? My bloke wouldn't want to as we have fun together. But then my bloke would pay without even thinking about it given that we are both easy about money and not tight with each other

candycaneframe · 29/09/2022 19:29

Don't live together

Separate finances

YABU

Original poster
ivegotthisyeah · 29/09/2022 19:30

blockpavingismynightmare · 29/09/2022 19:28

I would like to know why he would want to go without you ? My bloke wouldn't want to as we have fun together. But then my bloke would pay without even thinking about it given that we are both easy about money and not tight with each other

Yes this was my thinking to

OP posts:
Original poster
ivegotthisyeah · 29/09/2022 19:31

We are definitely partners not boyfriend and girlfriend moving in together properly next year

OP posts:
TequilaNights · 29/09/2022 19:31

Have you asked?

Original poster
ivegotthisyeah · 29/09/2022 19:31

Oh and this will be his third holiday without me so I don't expect and we give each other space. He is a very high earner and works hard

OP posts:
Original poster
ivegotthisyeah · 29/09/2022 19:32

@TequilaNights asked what?

OP posts:
Hearthnhome · 29/09/2022 19:32

Op, if you have kids could he think that the kids dad wouldn’t have the kids? Or that you couldn’t arrange childcare, if dad is out of the picture?

AnneLovesGilbert · 29/09/2022 19:32

When you say “loan” do you mean he should take out a loan to pay your costs or lend you your share?

How much is it costing him to go?

Original poster
ivegotthisyeah · 29/09/2022 19:33

@Hearthnhome my kids are actually away with their own day the same time 🤦🏽‍♀️

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 29/09/2022 19:33

ivegotthisyeah · 29/09/2022 19:31

We are definitely partners not boyfriend and girlfriend moving in together properly next year

How are you sorting finances then?

IckyPop · 29/09/2022 19:33

When my friend got married I'd been with my DP for a year. The invite had been to Icky plus 1. I invited my DP as soon as the I invitation came through, so we'd been together about 7/8 months.
The venue was not local so I found somewhere to stay and showed DP to check if it was acceptable. I paid for the 2 night stay as I felt it was my friend's wedding, DP didn't know anyone so it didn't feel right to expect him to pay for the privilege Grin DP protested but I insisted. Especially as it was a bit fancy and I really wanted a nice weekend.
So I think it's a bit off if your DP hasn't even considered helping out financially, unless of course it runs into thousands or something.

IckyPop · 29/09/2022 19:34

Oh and we didn't and still don't live together

Original poster
ivegotthisyeah · 29/09/2022 19:42

@AnneLovesGilbert splitting them fairly like I suspect most partners do
I'm the one with the mortgage remember

OP posts:
DontSpeakLatinInFrontOfTheBooks · 29/09/2022 19:45

I really wouldn’t be bothered if my partner (who I do live with) went to a friend’s wedding without me, abroad or otherwise. It wouldn’t cross my mind he should pay for me to go unless he was the one pushing for me to attend. Then yeah he’d need to put his hand in his pocket. I’m not really arsed about weddings generally tbf.

No way am I paying a tonne of money to go to a wedding of a friend of my partner’s unless I really wanted to and could easily afford to.

Furrydogmum · 29/09/2022 19:53

Different strokes for different relationships.. We've always shared everything since becoming a serious couple, together 32yrs and married 26. We don't quibble spends, but we have friends/family with similar relationship status that keep everything separate. I can't imagine wanting to go away for that kind of break and celebration without my DH.

Holly60 · 29/09/2022 19:54

Don't live together, separate finances, his friend.... no I wouldn't expect him to pay for you.

Ramsbottom · 29/09/2022 19:57

No of course he shouldn’t pay for you to go on holiday. I totally find it bemusing that the person with their hand out and who will never be in a position to buy someone a holiday sniffs loudly and says oh if it were me I’d buy them a holiday

that’s lovely but no you’re not entitled to a free holiday lol

Ramsbottom · 29/09/2022 19:59

IckyPop · 29/09/2022 19:33

When my friend got married I'd been with my DP for a year. The invite had been to Icky plus 1. I invited my DP as soon as the I invitation came through, so we'd been together about 7/8 months.
The venue was not local so I found somewhere to stay and showed DP to check if it was acceptable. I paid for the 2 night stay as I felt it was my friend's wedding, DP didn't know anyone so it didn't feel right to expect him to pay for the privilege Grin DP protested but I insisted. Especially as it was a bit fancy and I really wanted a nice weekend.
So I think it's a bit off if your DP hasn't even considered helping out financially, unless of course it runs into thousands or something.

But this is different, you wanted him to come and invited him; her bloke doesn’t want her to that much, he’s happy to go stag.

TwoWrightFeet · 29/09/2022 20:01

Why would anyone expect their partner to pay for them? Unless they are a gold digger.

yougotthelook · 29/09/2022 20:10

ivegotthisyeah · 29/09/2022 19:42

@AnneLovesGilbert splitting them fairly like I suspect most partners do
I'm the one with the mortgage remember

I might be in the minority but I'd be bloody pissed off tbh!
It's not like you're not committed to each other, you're moving in together next year.
I'd question why he would enjoy going on his own.,.and secretly hoping he didn't!!

FinallyHere · 29/09/2022 20:11

Is it really about the money, having a lovely weekend away

Or is OP thinking that she sees a future together and would want to be seen as his partner and he ... doesn't seem to see it like that.

I'm not so keen on weddings but have attended lots with NowDH because it's nice to feel you are accepted as his partner.