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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner going to a wedding without me

186 replies

ivegotthisyeah · 29/09/2022 18:28

I'll keep it brief and to the point.
if you were invited to a wedding abroad and you couldn't afford it but your partner could ( together just shy of 2 years) one has no money issues no mortgage good job other has mortgage, much lower income and responsibilities to pay for, would you expect partner to pay for other one?
Would you be pissed off if they didn't and booked it without you? It's the better off partners friends wedding

OP posts:
scrufffy · 29/09/2022 18:48

No. Not if you aren't living together and don't have joint finances. No. I wouldn't.

StopFeckingFaffing · 29/09/2022 18:52

I think it would depend on the relationship with the couple getting married

If both partners (rich & poor) are good friends with the couple and they regularly socialise as couples then it would be nice of the rich partner to offer to pay or subsidise the trip

If the couple are primarily friends of the rich partner and have say only met the poor partner once or twice then I don't think it is unreasonable for him/her to go alone

It also depends on how serious the relationship is and whether both partners see it as a LTC where your lives are very intertwined or whether both partners still do lots of separate things with their own friends

Sorry to use the terms 'rich partner' and 'poor partner', I realise its a bit crass but difficult to explain otherwise!

Berlinlover · 29/09/2022 18:55

I absolutely hate weddings so I wouldn’t be bothered if my partner went to a wedding without me.

orchiopera · 29/09/2022 18:59

No I would never expect a partner to pay for me to go to an expensive abroad wedding.

Wherehasthecommonsensegone · 29/09/2022 19:02

Wouldn’t expect to go and wouldn’t expect partner to pay for me.

Thats probably a biased response though as I wouldn’t pay for my partner. If we had something upcoming they wanted to go to then I’d want them to save and put money aside otherwise because what happens the next time there’s an event, would I always have to subsidise them? If they almost had enough I might lend them the last small bit but I’ve never been in that situation so maybe I’d respond differently in reality.

Brieeeeeeeee · 29/09/2022 19:03

I’m the higher earner and definitely wouldn’t pay for DH to go to my mate’s wedding. A proper mutual friend, we’d use mutual funds if possible.

NoMichaelNo · 29/09/2022 19:04

Why should he pay?

Nameless3 · 29/09/2022 19:05

If it's your DPs mate then no he shouldn't pay for you to go. There's nothing wrong with him going on his own.

Hearthnhome · 29/09/2022 19:05

So he generous. Maybe he feels paying for this is a step too far?

Do you also have kids? Does he realise you can arrange care for the kids, even if he did want to pay?

Hillary17 · 29/09/2022 19:06

Honestly no. I’d either pay for myself or just not go. Before we were married, husband has flown to a couple of weddings without me and I wasn’t fussed. Maybe a little jealous of the holiday but it was his cash to spend as we didn’t live together etc. They were more his friends anyway, and I had a girly weekend with my friends so wasn’t lonely.

ThirtyThreeTrees · 29/09/2022 19:06

I wouldn't expect my partner to pay for me and I wouldn't like if partner expected me to pay for them. I'm not saying I wouldn't pay for them but I certainly wouldn't if it was expected.

Sittingonabench · 29/09/2022 19:09

No I wouldn’t expect them to pay (and would likely reject if they offered) but I would be disappointed I couldn’t go and it’s possible some of that may feel a bit of resentment that they were able to (even though I know that’s unreasonable).

mintbiscuit · 29/09/2022 19:12

YABU. You’re his girlfriend not partner.

Divebar2021 · 29/09/2022 19:14

I wonder if you’ve become comfortable with him subbing you and you’re now a little aggrieved because you assumed his generosity would extend to this trip.

ColonelCarter · 29/09/2022 19:16

I'd expect the friend of the wedding party to attend alone.

Ragwort · 29/09/2022 19:16

No, if it's his mate why would you even want to tag along? You are not living together & sharing finances etc .... surely you wouldn't expect him to go to every social event involving your friends?

Original poster
ivegotthisyeah · 29/09/2022 19:17

Ok thanks for opinions appreciated!

OP posts:
mantequilla · 29/09/2022 19:18

No, I would not expect a boyfriend I didn't live with and had only been together 2 years to pay for me to go to a wedding abroad.

I'd think it was nice if he treated me to a nice dinner on occasion if his income was much higher than mine, but I'd never expect him to pay several hundred for a trip abroad.

Original poster
ivegotthisyeah · 29/09/2022 19:18

mintbiscuit · 29/09/2022 19:12

YABU. You’re his girlfriend not partner.

There's a difference? 🙄

OP posts:
Original poster
ivegotthisyeah · 29/09/2022 19:19

@mintbiscuit what is that supposed to mean? They are the same??

OP posts:
Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 29/09/2022 19:20

Divebar2021 · 29/09/2022 19:14

I wonder if you’ve become comfortable with him subbing you and you’re now a little aggrieved because you assumed his generosity would extend to this trip.

Does sound like it. OP you aren't living together, he doesn't have to pay for a holiday for you

Newbeginnings90 · 29/09/2022 19:21

Yabu. And entitled.

LeilaDarling · 29/09/2022 19:22

I would expect him to naturally want me to go with him and think it strange he wanted to go alone.

Ginger1982 · 29/09/2022 19:22

A girlfriend and a partner is not the same thing.

Original poster
ivegotthisyeah · 29/09/2022 19:23

I pay my way it's not all him spending and he spends more time at my house than his so all that I pay for - I'm not an entitled money grabber just to let you know for those that are thinking it

OP posts:
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