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AIBU?

I cant cope with my husbands diabetes anymore

191 replies

ThisShitsBananas · 29/09/2022 13:58

My husband is type 1 diabetic and he doesn't manage it well, which has such a huge effect on my life, an after endless arguments about it I've just had enough. When his blood sugars are really low he can't function which means I don't get any help. His sugars are low in the mornings and currently he is struggling to raise them. He saw a nurse a few days ago who has changed his prescription to see if a different insulin may help.
This morning I slipped and fell and got my leg stuck under my car as I couldn't move. I was holding our baby at the time who was now lying in a patch of wet grass screaming and I was in shock as I thought I had broken my ankle. My eldest went to fetch him and he came down and just stood there staring us. I had to ask him to pick the baby up and then had to get myself up and crawl up the stairs to the house.

He then had a full hypo in the kitchen so I had to look after him while also trying to sort the kids out and I could barely stand.

I know I'm over reacting as he can't help it but I just feel so fed with it. It's always when I need him, these hypos happen. I feel like i can't ever be ill or injured just incase. No real point to this post other than to moan as I dont have anyone in real life to talk to.

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

926 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
15%
You are NOT being unreasonable
85%
bloodywhitecat · 29/09/2022 14:01

If he is in this state because he's not managing his diabetes well then you have every right to be pissed off with him. If he is doing every he should be doing to control his diabetes and it is still having this effect on him then it is a different story.

WhenDovesFly · 29/09/2022 14:03

I feel for you OP. My husband has diabetes and is currently on 3 injections a day. He's always having problems with his feet and that's aside from issues he's having with his back and his ribs. Now he says there must be something wrong with his lungs and he's always out of breath. I know we promise "in sickness and in health" when we marry, but I don't think many of us foresee just how difficult it can be. Feel free to rant. It helps to let it out.

Whyishedoingthat · 29/09/2022 14:06

Can you ask his nurse to arrange for a continuous blood glucose monitor?

Banana2079 · 29/09/2022 14:08

I wonder what life must be like for him having this horrible disease
it must be awful and is probably making him depressed
i see your frustration but it’s coming across as me me me
sit And talk with him and hear out his feelings too, maybe you are being needy with him
its not his fault that he has type 1 diabetes it’s not like he can make it go away
you should be more supportive but he should be supportive with the baby too
was he like this before the baby ? If so then you accepted him for who was then no different now

Oblomov22 · 29/09/2022 14:08

Makes me very sad to read this. I have been a type one diabetic since aged 1 and I'm nearly 50 so my whole life. My diabetes is extremely brittle and very difficult to manage. I try so hard and I'm on a pump, a sensor and a libre2. I still have hypos.

What are you actually saying here? If he's not doing as much as he could that's one issue and you surely must have talked to him about that. If it was not diabetes, anything else any other medical condition or drinking too much or smoking or anything else or cycling too much, then women need to communicate these concerns.

However, if he's doing all he can what is it exactly that you think he should do?

SVRT19674 · 29/09/2022 14:08

WhenDovesFly · 29/09/2022 14:03

I feel for you OP. My husband has diabetes and is currently on 3 injections a day. He's always having problems with his feet and that's aside from issues he's having with his back and his ribs. Now he says there must be something wrong with his lungs and he's always out of breath. I know we promise "in sickness and in health" when we marry, but I don't think many of us foresee just how difficult it can be. Feel free to rant. It helps to let it out.

Hey @WhenDovesFly , are the problems with his back something to do with diabetes? My husband is having diabetes investigated right now and he has these weird pains in his back and he isnt injured nor is he a bad back person. He is getting a bit desperate over it actually.

yikesanotherbooboo · 29/09/2022 14:10

Does his diabetic nurse , and your DH , realise how much of an impact the poor control is having on your family? Most diabetics can be well controlled so this should be solvable but it needs his motivation and cooperation with the clinic.

AtrociousCircumstance · 29/09/2022 14:10

Me me me? Fucking hell she fell, injured herself, needed help and her baby was on the ground crying.

OP sounds like an unselfish person pushed beyond their limit.

OP do you think he could manage it better? Has it created a mindset in him where he is the perpetual victim and no one else’s needs matter much?

Outnumbered99 · 29/09/2022 14:11

My husband has a different disability but one that affects our lives daily, and its an emotion I constantly battle with, I love him, I meant "in sickness and in health" when I said it 20 years ago, but its so tough. I can never verbalise it IRL though, its not fair, he does his best and its not his fault.

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 29/09/2022 14:12

Banana2079 · 29/09/2022 14:08

I wonder what life must be like for him having this horrible disease
it must be awful and is probably making him depressed
i see your frustration but it’s coming across as me me me
sit And talk with him and hear out his feelings too, maybe you are being needy with him
its not his fault that he has type 1 diabetes it’s not like he can make it go away
you should be more supportive but he should be supportive with the baby too
was he like this before the baby ? If so then you accepted him for who was then no different now

As she should be as it doesn't seem like her husbands actually doing much to help. It's for him to manage his diabetes or at least try. If he's failing to do that, that's on him.
OP rant away. On a side note, how are you now?

Banana2079 · 29/09/2022 14:13

Yes it does sound a bit Me me me obviously not talking about the part where she fell over but I’m sure her husband Didn’t wish diabetes on himself either
instead of ranting about him on mum’s net talk to him sit down with him and see what is going wrong with him
Imagine if it was the other way round

ThisShitsBananas · 29/09/2022 14:15

Hes absolutely not doing everything he can to manage it. He’s trying, he’s getting a new job as his current job doesn’t allow for him to manage it but he doesn’t eat. I can’t force feed him, he weighs 10 stone. He also drinks every night. Not a huge amount but it’s clearly effecting his blood sugar levels and I just can’t cope anymore. It makes me late for work every morning having to deal with it before it’s safe to leave the baby with him.

OP posts:
Fraaahnces · 29/09/2022 14:15

Good grief! OP is simply stating that due to his unmanageable diabetes, she is carrying the load and he is unable to help in a crisis. It’s frustrating and terrifying to be in that position. OP would have felt helpless and resentful at that time. Yes, his diabetes needs better management. It’s very hard to get adequate specialist treatment anywhere for diabetes atm. If his issues are of his own making due to diet and exercise choices, then she has even more reason to resent the situation.

talknomore · 29/09/2022 14:16

Libre monitoring is the way forward. It made massive difference to the quality of life of my DD. She is paying herself for it (£50 fortnightly) and would not treat it as luxury.
Did you consider it?
He should also ask for specialist counselling available for diabeticson NHS. Again my DD had 3 sessions few years ago and their helped a lot.

HikingforScenery · 29/09/2022 14:17

AtrociousCircumstance · 29/09/2022 14:10

Me me me? Fucking hell she fell, injured herself, needed help and her baby was on the ground crying.

OP sounds like an unselfish person pushed beyond their limit.

OP do you think he could manage it better? Has it created a mindset in him where he is the perpetual victim and no one else’s needs matter much?

I agree with you. Not sure which post op read.

OP, things sound very difficult. Bless you. To the point where a father can’t pick up a wailing child who’s been dropped?

I hope he finds something to help him stay on top of the diabetes.

MichelleScarn · 29/09/2022 14:18

Cannot believe posters are describing op as bloody 'needy' and 'me me me' when she FELL carrying their child and he did nothing to help, except that while injured she had to take care of him as he's not appropriately managing his diabetes!

Birdy1066 · 29/09/2022 14:19

God how awful for you - sounds a nightmare. No personal experience of this but could you contact the diabetic nurse at your gp for help and advice ?
As in the case of other illnesses and disabilities, people don’t become automatic saints just because there’s something wrong with them. Your husband sounds like he’s not making any effort to pull his weight. You have my sympathies.

MarshaMelrose · 29/09/2022 14:20

There was a poster on here whose wife died after having a hypo. They'd done everything to try to stop them, including having the libre monitor fitted. I think it comes down to whether the poor outcome of management is his fault or the disease's fault.
Ultimately, though, even if it feels awful to leave him while he's ill, regardless of whether he's at fault or not, you do have to look after yourself. If you left him, would he want and cope with having custody of the children for a proportion of the week?

Meili04 · 29/09/2022 14:23

He needs libre monitoring and if a possible and you can afford it a pump that administers insulin automatically. It's changed people's lives. Type 1 diabetes is no joke and can take some people ages to get their heads round.

AtrociousCircumstance · 29/09/2022 14:23

So he’s sabotaging his health and therefore you and your family too.

He’s not taking responsibility. Sorry OP. It sounds maddening and upsetting for you.

NotLactoseFree · 29/09/2022 14:23

OP, I think the key point is that HE is choosing not to do all he can to improve his health and thereby improve not only the quality of his life, but of the whole family's.

I fully understand that doing all the things your'e supposed to do to mange your diabetes can be very difficult and there's a huge psychological element to it that isn't always properly managed or understood. BUT... very simple things like eating at the correct intervals or severely limiting alcohol should not be THAT onerous and so yes, I have every sympathy for you.

I'm also interested to know how he felt afterwards? did he feel guilty that because he was struggling, you and the baby could have been quite badly hurt? Or does he just chalk it up to "just one of those things"?

diddl · 29/09/2022 14:25

If he doesn't eat & drinks every night then he's surely not even doing the basics to manage it is he?

Shmithecat2 · 29/09/2022 14:27

ThisShitsBananas · 29/09/2022 14:15

Hes absolutely not doing everything he can to manage it. He’s trying, he’s getting a new job as his current job doesn’t allow for him to manage it but he doesn’t eat. I can’t force feed him, he weighs 10 stone. He also drinks every night. Not a huge amount but it’s clearly effecting his blood sugar levels and I just can’t cope anymore. It makes me late for work every morning having to deal with it before it’s safe to leave the baby with him.

On this basis, YANBU at all. Selfish prick.

Trisolaris · 29/09/2022 14:27

If he drinks every night and doesn’t eat then of course he wakes up with a hypo! That’s basic diabetes knowledge. If he won’t even stop drinking or eat something before bed I’d be furious!

BrendaBlessed · 29/09/2022 14:28

@talknomore I don't know where your DD lives but if she's in England or Wales she is now entitled to a Libre 2 or Dexcom One on the NHS. There are no requirements other than being type 1 diabetic.

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