I cant cope with my husbands diabetes anymore

[ThisShitsBananas]

My husband is type 1 diabetic and he doesn't manage it well, which has such a huge effect on my life, an after endless arguments about it I've just had enough. When his blood sugars are really low he can't function which means I don't get any help. His sugars are low in the mornings and currently he is struggling to raise them. He saw a nurse a few days ago who has changed his prescription to see if a different insulin may help.
This morning I slipped and fell and got my leg stuck under my car as I couldn't move. I was holding our baby at the time who was now lying in a patch of wet grass screaming and I was in shock as I thought I had broken my ankle. My eldest went to fetch him and he came down and just stood there staring us. I had to ask him to pick the baby up and then had to get myself up and crawl up the stairs to the house.

He then had a full hypo in the kitchen so I had to look after him while also trying to sort the kids out and I could barely stand.

I know I'm over reacting as he can't help it but I just feel so fed with it. It's always when I need him, these hypos happen. I feel like i can't ever be ill or injured just incase. No real point to this post other than to moan as I dont have anyone in real life to talk to.

I'm really not trying to diagnose anything and know very little about this but what he said made me remember something I read years ago. It probably won't be relevant and I think the consultants would have picked up on it if it was this but it might be worth a read?

www.diabetes.org.uk/diabetes-the-basics/other-types-of-diabetes/mody

I don't want to get sucked down into focusing on your DHs numbers etc as this thread was meant to be an emotional relief for you and not a diabetes review for your husband.
But for the sake of it, what did your DH eat last night and when?
What's his bed time/morning routine?
What does he feel about a device that would alarm, or a manual one to check his sugars?
Feel free to ignore as I'm sure you're bored and worn out getting into all this

Op
You do have my sympathy. I know as part of the vows we all say sickness and health living the reality without occasional resentment is very hard. My best friend is married to someone with severe depression and every evening after she picks up the kids after her 9 hour work day she goes home to him sitting on the couch watching box sets surrounded by bowls and rubbish. He absolutely can't help it but honestly I don't know how she does it. She is so supportive of him always and rarely vents ( never to him) except occasionally to me how sometimes she wishes she could just pull out the door with the kids and leave him to it.

He needs to make every effort to be there for his wife and kids.

That sounds really shit OP.

My DH is type 1 and in the 25 years we’ve been together I can count the number of bad hypos he’s had on one hand.

He started using a dexcom a few months ago and it’s brilliant. You don’t need to scan it like with the libre 2 he was using previously.

The libre and dexcom are both subsidised by Medicare in Australia now, so he’s paying $40 rather than $200 for them now.

I have it linked to my phone also so I can see how he’s tracking/get high & low alerts etc. which is great for peace of mind.

He was also having problems waking up low in the mornings, after seeing his specialist an insulin change and a bowl of porridge every night before bed have sorted that out thankfully.

He doesn’t drink alcohol except maybe the odd beer on a night out. He has a physically demanding job and plays & coaches sport, so keeps pretty active.

Is your DH open to seeing a psychologist? It sounds like that might be helpful, or couples counselling to give him a wake up call?

I’m sorry you’re dealing with this OP, especially on top of your own health condition. Hope you’re ok after your fall 💐

I have type 1 diabetes which developed when I was pregnant with my first child. It hasn't impacted anyone at all, and I'm a widow with two kids. I am careful, I taught them what to do if they couldn't wake me up, and I never went away just the three of us until they were older.
I get hypos, but I literally eat something and I'm pretty much back to 90% within a few minutes. Even if below 2.
Your husband has responsibility to monitor his sugar levels, eat regularly and make sure he doesn't get hypos. They may well remove his driving license (unless they already have) too. That he can't seem to do this, there's something going on with him - depression? - that needs investigating.

My instinctive reaction to this is Dawn Phenomenon – has he been investigated for this? His DSN or consultant should be looking into it.

Beyond that, what insulin is he taking at night? I had 4 x T1s in the household at one point and each of them was on a different regimen, using different insulins, some on pumps some on injections. The truth is, everyone's diabetes is different and you have to figure out what works best for you, regardless of what anyone tells you. If he genuinely thinks he doesn't need insulin at night, try that for a few nights and see what readings he gets.

The important thing is getting him to make these decisions, it will give him back a feeling of (comparative) control over his own life and being proactive is always a more positive approach to diabetes, ime.

Did you know that diabetes is like a spectrum. Some have it worse than others.

Some of the posts where Posters are thinking of leaving diabetic husbands I find very difficult to read.

DH has had shit with me over the years because of my diabetes. I'm not an aggressive or nasty person but apparently when I start to go low and he insists I am low, sometimes I start to become really bolshy and nasty and that's when he turns round and says now I know you're low.

I've had terrible hypos. My diabetes is incredibly erratic even though I try really hard. I've been told that my dawn phenomenon is one of the biggest many diabetic nurses have ever seen.

I've been under the top consultants at loads of the best hospital in the UK including QA in Portsmouth, Bristol, John Radcliffe in Oxford and Kings and Guys in London.

Apparently I'm used as an example in many surveys between UK doctors Canadian, American and Australian and New Zealand - they look at me as a case study.

I'm that bloody difficult to control. I've had one of the best consultants for the last 20 years and they still don't know what to do with me.

So don't think it's easy for everyone!

my readings are Quite erratic despite constant monitoring and testing many many times per day.

I'd like to see any of you walk a mile in my shoes you, wouldn't fucking last a week.

The last diabetic specialist Pump nurse I had admitted that many of her colleagues had never worn a pump never tried out some of the equipment I've been using for the last 20 years and she went to a conference and had to share a room with a woman who had a pump and the alarms drove her nutty at night.

I had to refrain from laughing. I thought this is the biggest load of shit I've heard you've got a Pump Specialist Nurse has no idea what my day-to-day life is like.

And for those that think of Pump is the answer to all prayers think again. When you run it on closed-loop circuit apparently the algorithm is so conservative with me it constantly drops out of safety mode because I'm not getting enough insulin and then it beeps and beeps and beeps and I can't get it to stop beeping. It cuts out because it can't give me enough insulin and it can't understand why my needs change so rapidly.

try living like that for a few days, see how you get on. think again if you know what diabetes is like, it may be easy for some because they might have quite a mild version but for others it's an absolute nightmare, I think about my diabetes 24/7 and it dominates my life even though I try not to let it.

Oblomov22 my heart goes out to you. I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes in my 50s, a few years ago. It was a massive shock to the system and took me a long time to accept. But I'm immensely grateful that I had such a big chunk of my life without this relentless condition, and also that I came to it when things were so much easier. I'm on injections, but I've had a Libre since a few weeks post diagnosis.

I work hard at it and my numbers are pretty good. But you work far harder and don't get the same result. It's an unpredictable and unfair disease and it's on your mind 24/7. I am not surprised that many diabetics and/or their loved ones reach the end of their tether.

It is a horrible illness. My sister has it.
i think it’s quite easy to be bitter about it because it’s so relentless. I know she sometimes resents that she has it and I don’t. I don’t blame her. It’s understandable.
are there any support groups your DH could go to? Meet other men with it?
It’s a horrible thing but ignoring it will make it worse unfortunately. So YANBU.

I feel for you OP. My husband has pretty severe eczema and it is difficult to deal with at times. I feel sometimes it's not easy to express that because as a doting wife it is expected to always put husband's feelings first if unwell.

As someone up thread said, this is horrible to read as a mother of a child with fairly newly diagnosed type1. I hope your husband can get on top of things (as much as that’s possible with type 1).

As a complete aside, OP, is he under the GP surgery nurse or the local county community Diabetic Nurse? My Dad is T2 but insulin dependent and terminally ill which has sent his blood sugars into orbit. After being passed from pillar to post by the surgery diabetic nurse, I really lost my shit and the nurse from the community team came out to visit Dad at home. Within 2 days, we'd made massive steps in controlling his blood sugars as their knowledge was so much better. Just a thought.

In around 100 years of collective experience with T1, I have yet to come across a GP or GP's surgery that has anything but the most superficial understanding of the condition. They are good in other ways so I let them do reviews which enable them to tick a box and get funding but otherwise I pretty much ignore them.

The specialist clinic we now go to at a famous city hospital is, however, superb. Staffed by extremely knowledgeable experts who are up on all the latest research and actually listen to what you tell them. Their input, together with pumps, have been a game-changer for my 2 DCs.

Hey, thought I’d do a little update.

I didn’t need to have a conversation with him. He felt so bad about what happened that he’s booked onto a management course and hasn’t had a drink since. He’s taking things a lot more seriously now and is learning how to count carbs etc. proud of him and hoping he keeps it up!

Great news, Bananas. I hope Mr Bananas gets a handle on it. It really is a relentless disease that never gives you a day off so I wish him, and your family, all the best.

That's really good news, OP.