I cant cope with my husbands diabetes anymore

[ThisShitsBananas]

My husband is type 1 diabetic and he doesn't manage it well, which has such a huge effect on my life, an after endless arguments about it I've just had enough. When his blood sugars are really low he can't function which means I don't get any help. His sugars are low in the mornings and currently he is struggling to raise them. He saw a nurse a few days ago who has changed his prescription to see if a different insulin may help.
This morning I slipped and fell and got my leg stuck under my car as I couldn't move. I was holding our baby at the time who was now lying in a patch of wet grass screaming and I was in shock as I thought I had broken my ankle. My eldest went to fetch him and he came down and just stood there staring us. I had to ask him to pick the baby up and then had to get myself up and crawl up the stairs to the house.

He then had a full hypo in the kitchen so I had to look after him while also trying to sort the kids out and I could barely stand.

I know I'm over reacting as he can't help it but I just feel so fed with it. It's always when I need him, these hypos happen. I feel like i can't ever be ill or injured just incase. No real point to this post other than to moan as I dont have anyone in real life to talk to.

Well, I don't really know what you want people to say.

You can't cope and he clearly keeps letting you and your children down, but you refuse to leave him.

You can't fix him, you know.

This is a really sad situation OP - and by that I mean for you. Your DH by not looking after himself is being really selfish and thoughtless.

My cousin was the same - he was diagnosed as a teenager and really didn't accept it and tried to continue to live his life as normal i.e. eating and drinking the way he always did. This nearly killed him. He bought his own apartment a few years later and when he didn't show up one weekend as normal his sisters had to break into his apartment and find him in a coma and have him taken to hospital.

Shortly after this he sold up and moved home and has lived at home with his mam looking after him for well over 30 years - he is in his 50s now and still living at home with mammy.

If he has hypo unawareness then I recommend speaking to his T1 consultant about continous glucose monitoring (CGM). It will alarm when the BS level is low and alert him and possibly you so that it can be treated. If he is not managing with his injections (I assume he is on a basal bolus regime) would he consider an insulin pump? The rate changes depending on the set BS levels. The alcohol will cause a spike in BS levels but then lead to hypos overnight or early in the morning so that isn't great. Tertiary T1 centres have trained psychologists who see patients and can help with management and any other issues - has he been seen by one?

Please look up diabetes burnout and depression. Diabetes is there all the fking time and sometimes you just don’t want to help yourself. Not saying that’s right, but it’s hard

Does he have alarms set on his phone/monitor linked up to his Libre sensor? If he could set an alarm to go off when his sugars get to a little higher than whatever level causes him to have hypo symptoms, then he could get a warning before his sugars start to impair his functioning which might help.

Is it just hypos that cause him problems or does he get very high sugars which make him feel unwell too?

I just wanted to moan and have a cry and to talk.

This!!! She was in shock too.. Its not surprising that after an emergency like that and the follow up that she's feeling shaken and worried about the future.

Yes he also gets very high sugars that make him feel unwell too. He went 2 year without testing his bloods at all. He’s a nightmare. The monitor has helped but it’s not that reliable and I think he needs a cgm. But at the same time it frustrates me that why is it me doing all the research and phone calls etc. why doesn’t he want to do this himself? He doesn’t do anything to manage my condition other than support me. I’m happy to support him but he needs to take some of his own initiative. He’s in completely denial about it all. He’s so ashamed of having diabetes for some reason.

Oh, you need to get some support for you, you have taken on so much by yourself and it sounds like you have made yourself the strong one. Everybody needs someone to talk to. T1 diabetics are luckier than they ever have been, (I keep being told this and I know it is true) BUT it can still add immense stress to the entire family and you should have all the space in the world to talk and cry.

What age was he roughly when he was diagnosed OP?

Could he keep some glucose tablets by the bed and take one or two before he gets up or even does a blood test? It's unlikely that his blood sugar will be high first thing in the morning so it should be safe but give him enough of a boost to take a proper blood test, eat something to balance him, and start the day without relying on you for everything.

I feel for you. A close family member had Type 1 and had hypos every day (which they lied to the doctor about) as they were so scared of high blood sugar turning them blind. Looking after them was a full time, very boring and demanding job.

You don't sound me-me-me at all to me. Trapped under a car with a baby in your arms and a possible broken ankle suggests you are at breaking point already. That's often when such accidents happen.

He was 15, he’s now 36. The doctor told him he would be dead by 21 to scare him, but it actually did scare him and he just went off the rails. Now he’s 36 and just wondering why he’s alive everyday as he had accepted being dead 15 years ago. I know he’s probably got quite severe trauma from it all.

Thank you @BrendaBlessed I passed this info to my DD

This sounds awful OP. DH is type 1 so I know it doesn't have to be like this, it sounds like your DH is really suffering from depression and that needs treating before he can cope with managing his diabetes. Would he consider anti depressants?

Does he know you will never ever leave him OP?
Have you ever had a discussion along the lines of
>sort yourself out or I’m leaving> or does he absolutely know whatever he does you will always be there for him so he always has support no matter how much he damages himself!
If you said this it might give him a short sharp shock, enough for him to actually do something about this. He does sound depressed/in denial and he really needs to speak to someone about this. I know support differs from Trust to Trust and some are bloody rubbish at best but perhaps he could try to get an appt with a diabetes mental health professional to get him to take responsibility for his diabetes.
If he doesn’t sort it out things will only get much worse. He is damaging his eyes and major organs every day and you will probably be his carer before he reaches old age. It’s a shitty situation and I’m sorry you are going through it.

He sounds like a big baby. I know he's ill, but he decided to bring kids to this world. Should get a grip. If kids give him no purpose to be healthy and live as long as possible, I don't know what else will.

Me too @Outnumbered99 . I crave some sort of non judgemental outlet to discuss it.

If he's doing all he can to manage it yabu to get angry and annoyed. But yanbu to leave, its not the relationship you want and he can't change.

OP I hope you are ok, sounds like things are tough. It’s not the same, but my husband has a health condition and I often feel similar emotions. You are certainly not ‘me me me’ - it’s bloody hard work being the partner doing the lion’s share of childcare and life admin.
One tip, not life-changing but in case it helps: my husband’s medication makes him drowsy in the morning so I’m the one to get up with the kids and do the school run, so our trade off is that he does the prep bits the night before instead- setting out breakfast things, making up packed lunches and laying out clothes for the morning etc.
And I found things got easier once we passed the baby/toddler stage too. Hang on in there x

@Banana2079 do you have any idea at all or first hand experience of having a partner with a life-changing condition that affects all they do and your life too?

One if the worst aspects is not feeling able to talk about frustrations and fears because you’re gilt tripped into just shutting up as it’s worse for the person with the condition.

Yes it may be, but it’s still OK to need to rant! It’s fucking hard.

I pay for my own Dexcom CGM and it's so easy to use. He'd qualify on the NHS. You call or email their sales dept. Send proof of diabetes. and it's with you within 2 days. I'd recommend getting the sticky patches in their video. I got mine from AliExpress. € 2,41 30％ Off | 10pcs Shower Waterproof Patch Transparent Waterproof Adhesive Patches for Dexcom G6 Transparent Stickers
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The doctor is an idiot saying that to a newly diagnosed 15-year-old. Some people just piss me off in this world. If he took that to heart then it would have added to the trauma of a difficult situation. I feel for both of you and your DH really sounds like he needs to have some counselling to be able to see that he does have a lot of years left in his life and the better he manages his diabetes, the better those years will be. I also think you could benefit from counselling to have somewhere for you to talk about the situation.

He has changed jobs to create opportunity for more control over it? All is not hopeless here, you have children and he needs to start pulling himself out of this place he has found himself to be in. Because no one could tolerate that for decades. It is too much stress for a partner to bear.

Just rereading your post. Has he been checked for Dawn phenomenon . It can cause initial nighttime hypos and the hypers later in the day. Its not comman and comes with longer term diabetes and is related.to endocrine function. If he's hypo in the am it will make his.mood low and won't be helping him. Can you go to his appt with him ? Sometimes the team need outside info on what's happening. Also consider how good his team is. My husband's are fab, out local hospitals that we should see dreadful. The mood swings are hard to cope with I know. Just vent on here if it helps. Some of us really do get it.

All my sisters have type 1 this shouldn't be happening often? It sounds way out of control and it shouldn't be. Has he got a sensor?