I cant cope with my husbands diabetes anymore

[ThisShitsBananas]

My husband is type 1 diabetic and he doesn't manage it well, which has such a huge effect on my life, an after endless arguments about it I've just had enough. When his blood sugars are really low he can't function which means I don't get any help. His sugars are low in the mornings and currently he is struggling to raise them. He saw a nurse a few days ago who has changed his prescription to see if a different insulin may help.
This morning I slipped and fell and got my leg stuck under my car as I couldn't move. I was holding our baby at the time who was now lying in a patch of wet grass screaming and I was in shock as I thought I had broken my ankle. My eldest went to fetch him and he came down and just stood there staring us. I had to ask him to pick the baby up and then had to get myself up and crawl up the stairs to the house.

He then had a full hypo in the kitchen so I had to look after him while also trying to sort the kids out and I could barely stand.

I know I'm over reacting as he can't help it but I just feel so fed with it. It's always when I need him, these hypos happen. I feel like i can't ever be ill or injured just incase. No real point to this post other than to moan as I dont have anyone in real life to talk to.

It's relentless and exhausting for OP and her child i imagine too. If someone won't make the effort to help themselves then why someone else should stick around and revolve their life around dealing with the fallout is baffling.

Your DD is entitled to her Libre on the NHS now. All T1 Diabetics are. NICE guidelines changed earlier this year to this effect.

My DH was self funding, but he nudged and nudged and nudged his diabetic nurse, and is now prescribed.

Your DD needs to talk to whoever provides her diabetes care and get a CGM on prescription, as per her entitlement.

That's terrible, given the NICE guidelines. It sounds like you've pushed as hard as you can?

DH had to keep nagging, but in his case the surgery knew it 'should' be prescribed but all the systems etc weren't aligned. But he kept on at them, and it was eventually added to his prescription.

Sorry just seen DH is 36. He needs counselling to come to terms with his condition (which he obviously hasn’t and is understandable) and the fact he can be relatively healthy if he manages it well. A CGM will be an amazing help. You may get one the NHS.

It’s a postcode lottery unfortunately and it seems adults can get one easier than DC (or over 12’s and under 18’s). Fucking joke as when they are first diagnosed CGM’s help them manage it much better from the start and they get used to doing so. DS has stayed over 80% in range since we got a Dexcom 2 weeks after diagnosis. He has whole pizzas , McD’s, sweets, cookies, ice cream. Eats whatever he wants.

This may help - www.diabetes.org.uk/how_we_help/membership?gclid=EAIaIQobChMI6NO2gbe6-gIVydPtCh1glwvJEAAYASAAEgLg9vD_BwE

Oh you poor thing! I’d have been completely shaken and upset if I’d slipped and hurt myself while holding my baby. These things happen and I know you needed him to take charge, get the baby, pick you up, check that you were okay and get you a strong cup of tea and (an entire pack of) chocolate biscuits while telling you to rest and that he will sort whatever you need out. I get it. He didn’t step up.

You have been made to always be the strong one in the relationship and that must be exhausting. It’s obviously not his fault he has diabetes but it puts so much pressure on you the fact that he doesn’t take any steps to try to manage his condition effectively. Hopefully you can have a blunt talk with him tonight as a PP has suggested and try to find a way forward.

After reading several response but not all am I the only person whose first thought is neither adult arguing about whose medical issue is worse but to want to know is the baby that got dropped in what sounds like an unplesent fall ok?

Neither thing is either persons fault but honestly I have had nightmares over dropping my babies when they where little, I couldn't get up from what OP discribed and be busy arguing with my DH. I would be obsessive on checking baby is ok probably for the next day or two not trying to shift blame.

Baby is fine he wasn’t hurt :)

@mam0918

OP is a nurse. I'm sure she checked her baby first and foremost and isn't writing about it on Mumsnet as that's not what she needs to rant about?

@ReviewingTheSituation My CCG ‘rules’ are 6 months proof of 8 fingerpricks per day via the MyLife app which logs them directly from the blood sugar testing thingy so you can’t even cheat and log them from the Dexcom. Why the hell should a kid have to do that when there is a device available so they don’t have to! He still does it twice a day to calibrate it but 8 times! His poor fingers!

We decided to get a Dexcom straight away as it’s hard enough getting your head round a lifelong, life threatening diagnosis. Why make it harder to deal with! Research also shows less complications so less medical emergencies/care needed with it.

His diabetic nurse has said because she can see his Dexcom reports it makes her job easier so we have needed very little input despite being very newly diagnosed. Still won’t fund it though!

Oh OP, this must be a nightmare.

DH has got fatty liver disease, a haitus hernia, atrial fibrilation and needs urgent surgery for an inguinal hernia only his heart is too unstable for anaesthesia. He eats crap from dawn to dusk and I've flatly outright told him that I'm not going to be his carer when his health completely fails. And I mean it.

Maybe you need to take a massive step back here, and stop enabling his poor behaviour. It really is on him to self care - I'm diabetic albeit T2 and it's on me to control. You can't make him look after himself but you can protect yourself from going mad over it

Op i have no experience of this but do you have a carers association or charity in your area? I work closely with ours as we have a number of staff unpaid carers and they are so fantastic. They help liaise with work with you being late on mornings and they can help with emotional support and be an advocate for you. You have a voice too and unpaid caring is fucking hard, in sickness and in health or not!

it would be sooo easy for us all to say well we would do every moment of care for our partners but it soon wears off. I had a week of caring for my partner when he was really Ill with covid and I was bloody exhausted. My mum ended up taking the children because I literally couldn’t do it all

Sorry OP a bit off topic but I’m still raging about this☺️.

I do hope your DH can sort himself out and get the support he needs so he can support you and your DC and not let his Type 1 ruin his life and your relationship more than it already has 💐

That's absolutely dreadful. Why on earth would they want to force a child (or an adult for that matter, but worse for a child) to do 8 fingerpricks a day. What on earth are they hoping to achieve through taking that stance?

I can totally understand why you are choosing to self fund the CGM (life has been much easier for me since DH got one, so I can imagine it must be MUCH easier for a parent of a T1 child), it's just disgusting that despite NICE guidelines you are having to do so.

Will they fund a Libre, or is it that they won't fund anything at all?

Sorry @ReviewingTheSituation the 6 months fingerpicking was for a Libre. They won’t fund a G6 at all.

DS tried a Libre and the sensor came off the shower on the first evening after he’d had it on for about 12 hours! Also was not as accurate as the Dexcom. He tried it while also wearing the Dexcom (before we committed to the years subscription) as he wanted to compare. Obviously the Libre went in the bin as they don’t compare really!

It seems that if he was under 12, he would have a got a Libre funded straight away. He was 12 and 1 month at diagnosis. Surely teens need this kit more than even adults what with puberty, parties, eating junk etc. It’s just bloody crazy.

We can fund it at the moment, but there’s plenty who can’t I expect. We’ll also have to fund a pump as not eligible for that either unless he has lots of serious hypos. Who would want to leave that to happen?

Awaiting the Omnipod 5 with bated breath but will be the region of £400 a month! Believe me I’ve pushed that I went to the CCG.

Stings a bit that he diabetes team benefits from us funding something they should be!

Alcohol and insulin can lower blood glucose levels which is why he may be having hypo's in the morning so can exercise. He could have some carbs before bed to help with this. Or take less insulin at the meal before alcohol or exercise.

He shouldn't need to eat to keep blood glucose levels up, that suggests again that he is on too much background insulin. Has he tried reducing it by a little bit?
there are continuous glucose monitors. they alarm you if going low and he can set this at a higher level to stop it before he has a hypo.
has he had any education about his diabetes such as what to do when exercising, when drinking alcohol and how long the insulin stays in his body for?

I think he knows more about his diabetes than he lets on. But no he seems unaware of things that can effect it.

Why is he sabotaging himself? Because that’s what’s happening.

It does vary doesn't it. I used to work with 2 men who had diabetes, one was always eating the wrong things, forgetting to do bloods and never had any real problems. The other one was so careful with his food, his meds, checking his blood and they never got it under control. He retired a few years ago so not sure if he's any better.

From the sounds of it the OPs husband isn't helping himself so the pump sounds a good idea.

Can he see a clinical psychologist for help with dealing with This?

When I worked with a diabetic unit (part of a hospital) there was a clinical psychologist who would have sessions with patients to come to terms with having diabetes.

Me me me? Really? I thought op sounds like a struggling soul under so much pressure she needs help.

sending you hugs OP, it can’t be easy.

It's a real taboo, to say you are struggling with living with a partner's chronic illness and that you are finding it hard. You're not saying it to diminish their problems, or to take away from their suffering, but you can see from many responses on here that all you get in response is well what are you talking about, you aren't the one who is ill?
It is hard and it should be ok to say it is hard, particularly in the circumstances the op describes.

I am type 1 diabetic and it is relentless and miserable. Knowing that you will die if you don't medicate is scary and you are so dependent on your GP, pharmacy, etc etc.

Having a Libre sensor changed my life. It's still relentless but I have more control.

I so feel that your DH is being selfish in not managing his health. But it is hard.

His illness also directly effects my illness when he doesn’t manage it.

@ThisShitsBananas your DH sounds very very similar to a relative of mine and his DW, who I’m very close to feels exactly the same. A combination of rage, frustration and sorrow. He has been trying to outwit his diabetes for 25 years. Winging it, taking extraordinary risks and having a fair few hypos along the way.

Last year he suffered a life changing brain injury and STILL he takes risks whilst seemingly convinced he’s in the right and will be ok. His wife is now not even sure how much is brain injury and how much is pure bloody mindedness.

It rules their lives. She does now have his sugars available to her on her phone app so is very slightly less worried when he’s out running ( usually having not eaten).

I don’t have any answers for you but you aren’t alone. Diabetes is a filthy companion in a marriage. And perhaps you should seek counselling. No point in DH having it unless he sees the need for change and it looks as if he doesn’t yet.

Good luck and moan away.