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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding guest drop outs

244 replies

MrMrsJones · 28/09/2022 13:12

So we are 6 days from our wedding and have 5 people drop out.

Everytime someone says they aren't coming it costs us £85 plus the evening buffet cost pp

We didn't want two tier guests so everyone is invited to the whole day and evening.

Invited a year a go and invites sent out 6 months ago.

I feel like sending them an invoice.

AIBU, you don't drop out 6 days before the whole thing happens

OP posts:
absolutehush · 28/09/2022 13:23

Why are they dropping out? If it's 6 days out then they must be giving a reason?

We had some drop outs for ours - one couple, the grandma was poorly and couldn't watch kids and another couple had a house fire a few days before and although they were fire it's was just a bit much. Both understandably declined last minute.

BattenburgDonkey · 28/09/2022 13:25

Depends on the reason really, but sometimes these things aren’t avoidable. Ultimately it isn’t their problem that you’ve picked a certain cost, but I’d they don’t have a good reason it is really crap of them.

LizziesTwin · 28/09/2022 13:26

It’s normal to have some people drop out at the last minute, especially if you invited them ages ago. Stuff happens. 5% drop out at the last moment is normal.

Kpo58 · 28/09/2022 13:27

Can you invite someone else in their place?

TeenDivided · 28/09/2022 13:27

Are there any extra people who wouldn't have expected an invitation but who would enjoy coming? My parents neighbours came to our wedding when we had drop outs the day before due to illness.

properdoughnut · 28/09/2022 13:28

I had people who just didn't turn up! Anyway hopefully they are giving reasons.

EmmaH2022 · 28/09/2022 13:29

OP "Everytime someone says they aren't coming it costs us £85 plus the evening buffet cost pp"

you're not running a business.

properdoughnut · 28/09/2022 13:29

Try to look at it as you would have spent the money on them either way? More wine to go round?

SeasonFinale · 28/09/2022 13:29

Historically the etiquette was the the invitations went out 6-8 weeks ahead of the wedding which is why people didn't drop out as they knew their commitments ahead of time. 6 months is a very long time in advance. However I do agree that other than actual illness or childcare falling through I would not do this.

Bookworm20 · 28/09/2022 13:29

Everytime someone says they aren't coming it costs us £85 plus the evening buffet cost pp

So frustrating when people drop out. have they given valid reasons though? However, by costing you, do you mean you've already paid so its basically a wasted bit of money, which you could have saved on? you're not getting charged this in addition to what you've paid already?

Can you invite anyone else in their place?

SeasonFinale · 28/09/2022 13:30

EmmaH2022 · 28/09/2022 13:29

OP "Everytime someone says they aren't coming it costs us £85 plus the evening buffet cost pp"

you're not running a business.

No but so far they are spending about £600 that they wouldn't have needed to.

Castaspell · 28/09/2022 13:32

Not that it excuses it at all, but I think things have really changed post Covid. People (me included) seems less inclined to tie themselves down too far in advance and drop out last minute, rather than feeling the obligation to stick to plans and invitations like before.

titchy · 28/09/2022 13:35

It's not costing you a penny. You'd have paid the £85 regardless. You're still paying it.

PumpkinDart · 28/09/2022 13:35

It's utter rubbish but it happens quite often, we had someone on my side drop out the day before with a pathetic excuse and a family of 4 that we'd made allowances to fit their children in because they had no childcare then say the day of the wedding they couldn't come because they didn't have a lift home and that the husband didn't want to go to a wedding and have to drive not drink.

I didn't even respond to their messages to be honest. As bad luck had it all 5 of those were on the same bloody table on the seating plan which messed things up a little but those left at that table had plenty of wine. Hope you have a great wedding, try not to sweat this and focus on the build up.

Original poster
MrMrsJones · 28/09/2022 13:35

So two have dropped out as not feeling very well.

One had a new job who wouldn't let them have the time off, one is the partner of ill person and one just said they didn't fancy it.

I asked these people as I wanted them there and they agreed to come. I have other people I could have invited instead.

I have asked some friends and other family to fill the spaces. Just waiting on them to get back to us.

OP posts:
TheLovleyChebbyMcGee · 28/09/2022 13:37

I understand your frustrations. I had 2 cancel the week before, but I 'upgraded' 2 evening guests and 2 didn't turn up on the day. Those really pissed me off as I didn't want them there anyway but my parents asked for them to be invited. But you can't charge for them!!

Original poster
MrMrsJones · 28/09/2022 13:37

titchy · 28/09/2022 13:35

It's not costing you a penny. You'd have paid the £85 regardless. You're still paying it.

Of course it's costing us, we won't get that money back from the venue.

OP posts:
PuttingDownRoots · 28/09/2022 13:38

New job... not their fault
Ill... thats life unfortunately
"Don't fancy it"- extremely rude and don't blame you for being angry.

thaegumathteth · 28/09/2022 13:39

MrMrsJones · 28/09/2022 13:35

So two have dropped out as not feeling very well.

One had a new job who wouldn't let them have the time off, one is the partner of ill person and one just said they didn't fancy it.

I asked these people as I wanted them there and they agreed to come. I have other people I could have invited instead.

I have asked some friends and other family to fill the spaces. Just waiting on them to get back to us.

It isn't costing you extra, it's
Costing you the same. You just need to let it go and not let it ruin the run up to your wedding, it's really not worth it.

People can't help being unwell or their jobs not giving them time off - what do you want them to do?

As for the person who just didn't fancy it - is that what they actually said? I'd be concerned there was something they weren't saying unless this was like them in which case, you knew that.

Original poster
MrMrsJones · 28/09/2022 13:39

Obviously I won't charge them, but it's bloody frustrating and a bit rude, when they know how expensive weddings are.

I cut out the frilly bits to have more friends and family.

OP posts:
Sprig1 · 28/09/2022 13:39

How rude of them. I would be v disappointed. Is there anyone else you would like to invite?

A580Hojas · 28/09/2022 13:40

Good luck with that! I would never agree to be on the reserve list for a wedding.

Original poster
MrMrsJones · 28/09/2022 13:40

Sprig1 · 28/09/2022 13:39

How rude of them. I would be v disappointed. Is there anyone else you would like to invite?

Waiting on a few replies, but I feel a bit mean inviting them at such short notice and probably making them feel less important.

OP posts:
PaperPalace · 28/09/2022 13:41

It's really annoying OP, but that's life I'm afraid. We had a couple of people who just didn't turn up on the day, never let us know why or anything. This was years ago so it's not a recent trend!

faffadoodledo · 28/09/2022 13:41

DS had 4 who didnt come and only told him the day before (one couple was my parents - sigh, long story!). He just scrambled four extra lucky friends to come. Happy days!