Don't want to invite SIL

[Lauraleight]

We are planning on having a big family party on the 26th December in our home. None of us actually like SIL ( my DHs brothers wife). She had an affair a few years ago and we have never forgiven her. I have tolerated her since but last year MIL wasn't getting along with her and blocked her so I took that as my opportunity to not be in touch either . I haven't text her in a year. I seen her yesterday whilst out and about and said hello, didn't stop to engage in conversation. My other SIL and BIL ferl the same as me. Is it really awful not to invite them when everyone else will be there?

So you’d invite her husband? Bit dickish.

Yabu. If her husband has chosen to forgive her and move on then surely you support him in his decision?

Whilst I would never condone an affair, it's for the husband and wife to sort between themselves.

It depends on whether you want your husband to maintain he's relationship with his brother doesn't it?
As surely he won't be invited either, and take it badly.
I'd invite her - sounds like it will be a busy party so you'll hardly see her anyway.

You can't invite her husband without her.

Has he been completely faithful to her then?

Oh to live a live of such unblemished goodness you can afford to be this judgemental. I bet you're fun to be friends with.

Grow up.

So the family have cut off your BIL because his wife had an affair?

You all sound very childish.

Not everyone in families agrees with or likes everyone involved. But bring a grown up and being a family means taking the rough with the smooth.

So you're not inviting her to what is effectively a family Christmas but you expect her husband to come?

I'd let dh make the call - it's his brother.

You don't need to invite her round for tea or strike up conversations in the street, but it doesn't sound as though she has done anything nasty to you in particular. So if dh wanted her to be invited, I'd go with that.

Is it really awful not to invite them when everyone else will be there?

She clearly says not invite them, not just the SIL.

OP, will MIL even come if you invite them? What does DH think?

Do you like BIL?

Blimey, though. You'd either not invite your DHs brother - who has made the decision to stay with his wife which is zip to do with any of you - and cut him off from his family.

Or you'd invite him without his wife? Dick move

He's better off without a load of judgy family members sticking their nebs in where it's not wanted.

This is what family looks like. For some it's hallmark getting cards, but not all.

You sound a bit like my PIL & SIL. They don't like me because they are judgemental and have never done anything wrong (apparently), but it's ok for them to bully, exclude, or ignore me.

So I make zero effort back because and just don't give AF anymore. So your SIL is probably just returning the behaviour. Not wanting to invite her is proof of this. Time to reflect, I suggest.

I think it's spiteful , your BIL has made his decision
Respect that
You never know what goes on behind closed doors

His family taking the absolute liberty of dragging his wife's affair on until the end of time is probably harder to bear than the actual affair.

Horrible thing to do to him and I hope your husband stands up for his brother. Also, you want to hope your DH doesn't go the way so many men do and cheat on you. This family will cut you off no questions asked OP.

Wow Is this a reverse because it’s so judgey and cunty

Also, fwiw, my married-in uncle is an ass, used to actually be abusive, now in his frailty he's just an ass. He's still family even though i do not like him.

Oh god my in laws are just like you Miss judgypants, honestly don't bother inviting them, they'll no doubt have got the message by now and would hate to come, they'll have made plans already with the people in their lives that matter.

Yes, it is really awful to not invite them; but I think you know that already.

YABU

So you'd all f

Awful behaviour from you &'rest of family.
How the hell do any of you know the full truth of their marriage.

Miss judgey pants

Damn phone and website!

So you'd all forgive someone who cheated on a family member, managed to talk her way back in and then is potentially rude to the guys mother too? I mean we don't know why mil and sil fell out, maybe sil is being a bitch? She did cheat after all, not all cheaters actually feel bad for what they did or are nice people. Maybe she is a bitch. We don't know the deeper details.

But I'd imagine if the sexes were reversed, the answers would not be for bil(sil) and against op.

Their marriage is none of your business. I would be thrilled that they had decided to give it another go.

In this case, you need to follow your dh's brother's lead. He has reconciled and wants to move on. You should all respect his decision and behave in a way that's supportive.

I think that you have to respect BIL wishes, if he has chosen to forgive and move on then the rest of the family should too (at least on public no matter what you think privately)

Oh dear I think she's gone to ground!