Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 ··· 9 10 11 12 13 14

Original poster

Don't want to invite SIL

346 replies

Lauraleight · 28/09/2022 08:20

We are planning on having a big family party on the 26th December in our home. None of us actually like SIL ( my DHs brothers wife). She had an affair a few years ago and we have never forgiven her. I have tolerated her since but last year MIL wasn't getting along with her and blocked her so I took that as my opportunity to not be in touch either . I haven't text her in a year. I seen her yesterday whilst out and about and said hello, didn't stop to engage in conversation. My other SIL and BIL ferl the same as me. Is it really awful not to invite them when everyone else will be there?

OP posts:

Fullsomefrenchie · 28/09/2022 17:46

Wtf am I reading, this is as dysfunctional as it gets. A father shutting the door on his own sons face, family shagging each other, the op scared shitless of her mil so followin her lead like a child with no opinion And trying to curry favour, bullying a woman as she had an affair.

these people are raising children. There is children involved in this are their parents are behaving like animals.

Hearthnhome · 28/09/2022 18:10

I mean that answer why no one can forgive sil. My guess at what’s going on is…

Her and her Husband, acknowledged the cheating. We’re honest with family. Worked through it and worked through it together. Affairs are awful, but even in that awful time they worked through it properly.

Your fil is likely a serial cheater. Probably has more than one child outside his marriage. MIL probably knew what was going on and looked the other way. So they can both pretend to morally superior, but deep down MIL feels resentful her son dealt with the cheating properly and can move on from it. Where she just seethes in private. Fil did not like seeing the devastated son, as it reminds him of what he did and the hurt he caused.

Then your sil and bil spent so long lying about their affair they resent another couple who have been open and honest and survived it. Again, sil probably hated seeing the devastation because it reminded her of what she did. And then the reason they could be together. Imagine being such a pair of dicks, creating a child 12 weeks after her husband died and expecting people to believe it was just friendship until her husband died. Bet the husbands family felt wonderful about his wife’s affair becoming public after he died.

You are probably concerned that since your dh comes from a family of people who cheat and don’t give a shit about marriage he is more likely to cheat. So like to pretend they don’t exist.

You are all punishing sil for your own sins and/or insecurities

GeekyThings · 28/09/2022 18:17

@Hearthnhome Very well put, I agree with all of that!

Original poster

Lauraleight · 28/09/2022 19:55

My post was reported. Mumsnet checked it out and confirmed its a legitimate post.

OP posts:

LoupsGarous · 28/09/2022 20:33

Lauraleight · 28/09/2022 19:55

My post was reported. Mumsnet checked it out and confirmed its a legitimate post.

Which means it’s actually far more alarming that a non-troll (or presumed non-troll) genuinely has this little insight into her own and her ILs’ twisted dynamics.

Darbs76 · 28/09/2022 20:37

Hate it when family members can’t move on when it’s literally between the couple. Really doesn’t help them to resolve things when that’s clearly what they want to do. None of your business to try and make their life difficult to punish SIL. I find it bizarre. Very Bizarre and it’s just the kind of thing my mother would do

MayThe4th · 28/09/2022 23:12

Lauraleight · 28/09/2022 19:55

My post was reported. Mumsnet checked it out and confirmed its a legitimate post.

mumsnet aren’t able to confirm that a post is legitimate.

The best they can ever do is say that they’re giving it the benefit of the doubt if a poster is an existing member.

I have no doubt what so ever that the post has been reported. But there is no way that mn can be sure whether it’s legitimate.

But it makes me wonder, if a poster name changes to post about something which exposes them as a truly vile person, what persona do they adopt for their regular username….

Laureline · 28/09/2022 23:24

You all sound bananas.

I’d be happy not to be invited, to just escape all the drama.

Krabapple · 28/09/2022 23:28

Wow you truly are a vile despicable person! Hope karma sorts you out!

Womencanlift · 28/09/2022 23:34

If I was your (affair) SIL I would say thank god you are not speaking to me and cut you out for being the interfering cow that you are. If your BIL has forgiven her what right do you and your little clique have to shut her out?

You said early you didn’t care if this made you sound like a bitch but that’s exactly what you sound like.

Fullsomefrenchie · 28/09/2022 23:37

It’s dirty isn’t it. It’s the very definition of dirty family. Hopefully the sil is delighted they are leaving her alone; I would be. Proper dirty family.

Nanny0gg · 28/09/2022 23:46

Lauraleight · 28/09/2022 19:55

My post was reported. Mumsnet checked it out and confirmed its a legitimate post.

Then you should all be ashamed of the way you're treating her.

She should cut you all off.

Plmoknijb123 · 29/09/2022 00:04

I don't think you should invite her if you don't like her. It's better to be honest rather than invite her and be fake nice. Fake family unity isn't real. Just cut her out and move on.

MsRosley · 29/09/2022 00:24

LoupsGarous · 28/09/2022 20:33

Which means it’s actually far more alarming that a non-troll (or presumed non-troll) genuinely has this little insight into her own and her ILs’ twisted dynamics.

Show quote history

It's terrifying. How can anyone be that deluded? And carry on in the face of almost universal criticism of said delusions? Just extraordinary.

Hearthnhome · 29/09/2022 05:18

Lauraleight · 28/09/2022 19:55

My post was reported. Mumsnet checked it out and confirmed its a legitimate post.

As my 18 year old would say ‘that’s not the flex you think it is’.

You are basically saying ‘so I am not lying about having such loyalty to a set of twats, I actually do have loyalty to a set of twats and have joined in bullying and freezing sil out to keep in their good books’

Mumsnet don’t confirm a story is legitimate. Unless they spoke to your family and they confirmed the story how would they know? They can confirm from looking at things behind the scenes and they can’t see anything that suggests a troll. Which is as much as they can do.

I mean were mumsnet going to get your fil on zoom and confirm you were his dil and it was an open secret in the family that he was a cheating twat and potentially has at least one adult child outside his marriage and now hates his other dil for making a far less heinous decision and he says ‘yeah that’s true’. I don’t think so.

KettrickenSmiled · 29/09/2022 11:25

LoupsGarous · 28/09/2022 20:33

Which means it’s actually far more alarming that a non-troll (or presumed non-troll) genuinely has this little insight into her own and her ILs’ twisted dynamics.

Show quote history

How odd. Did mumsnet pop round to OP's house to check out her credentials? Or are they simply omniscient, which would be cheaper & more gratifying than spot-checks I suppose ..?

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 29/09/2022 11:45

KettrickenSmiled · 29/09/2022 11:25

How odd. Did mumsnet pop round to OP's house to check out her credentials? Or are they simply omniscient, which would be cheaper & more gratifying than spot-checks I suppose ..?

Show quote history

All sounds a bit 'Waltons' to me. Still an amusing thread!

Pugdogmom · 29/09/2022 18:29

Jeez, if I was SIL I would be glad to be rid of the lot of you.
A woman made a mistake because she was going through a tough time, her husband has forgiven her and you all gang up like playground bullies and ostracised this woman.
What a vile bunch of people you sound

astarsheis · 29/09/2022 19:00

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 29/09/2022 11:45

All sounds a bit 'Waltons' to me. Still an amusing thread!

Show quote history

My favourite comment 😂

Moon22 · 30/09/2022 22:53

You like a ghastly bunch of people tbh. I bet she's glad she had that affair so she doesn't have to see you lot any more- every cloud!! Why on earth would they even want to come to your party?- to be judged and bitched about by you and your awful family!
You might remind yourself what Christmas is meant to be about! Goodwill to all... etc!

Brigante9 · 30/09/2022 23:01

Very unfair on your bil. Same situation here, my mil was very bitter towards my sil. I really like her and my bil and she seem very happy, who am I to upset my bil by blocking her? You’re punishing him too by not inviting her.

Flip

1 2 ··· 9 10 11 12 13 14