Don't want to invite SIL

[Lauraleight]

We are planning on having a big family party on the 26th December in our home. None of us actually like SIL ( my DHs brothers wife). She had an affair a few years ago and we have never forgiven her. I have tolerated her since but last year MIL wasn't getting along with her and blocked her so I took that as my opportunity to not be in touch either . I haven't text her in a year. I seen her yesterday whilst out and about and said hello, didn't stop to engage in conversation. My other SIL and BIL ferl the same as me. Is it really awful not to invite them when everyone else will be there?

Your SIL doesn't need your forgiveness she got it from her husband, not sure how affects you at all, you're not in a relationship with her. Weird

It's like a real life episode of Eastenders. But more childish.

You're the toxic ones. Remember, in a toxic family there's always a scapegoat. If you bully her out who's to say you aren't next.

Your whole family is really manipulative and horrible. Those poor children witnessing this type of behaviour, you should all be ashamed. Yes she had an affair when in a bad place but as a family they have moved on but your all creating such a toxic environment.

I really hope your brother cuts you all off for the sake of his family. The poor man having to put up with all of this for 6 years.

Can anyone be this deluded?

Do her a favour and dont invite, she's much better without you all than with you feeling superior to her.

*Your whole family is really nasty.

He has chosen to forgive her - that’s all that matters.

But she’s better off without you all anyway*

totally agree with this. You, your MIL and the wider family are the problem here not SIL. You are just pure nasty for keeping something going that was done with 6 years ago.

Newsflash! There is NOTHING FOR YOU TO FORGIVE. She did not do anything against YOU! You were not betrayed nor cheated on and have taken it upon yourself to fight someone else’s battle. A battle which BIL has already conquered obviously without your support.

get over yourself OP and tell the rest of your family to do the same.

God your family sound vile. She's probably happier without you in her life.

How horrible. I bet you'd have forgiven your brother if it was the other way around.

Mil blocked sil because sil sent her a picture of her 40th birthday party. Mil thought they had a party and didn't invite her but her Aunt had a party in her home for her. Mil thought it was toxic to send a picture from a party she wasn't invited too.

Sounds to me like your family are using any excuse going to not like this woman. end of the day her DH has chosen to forgive the affair which was 6 years ago and you lot are just continuing with it. Excluding her over it or something as ridiculous as your MIL blokcing her over not being invited to a party someone else threw which had nothing to do with her is pathetic.

I imagine the woman does not want to come to your gathering anyway. You all sound vile.

You're lucky she still lets you near your DC and drops them for other family things. I don't think I would.

Wow, aren't you the charmer? She cheated in her husband, not you. Her DH has forgiven her and they've worked through it. Keep your nose out of their marriage!

Invite them both or lose them all.

You sound a right immature and toxic lot...looks like your SIL is having a lucky escape

This. You haven't said anything about what sort of person she is outside of the affair. You jumped on the bandwagon when your mil went no contact when you should have done that based on your own experience with your sil only. Quite frankly I feel sorry for your sil. You all sound horrible and petty

What a toxic and unpleasant lot you and your family seem to be. People have affairs for all sorts of reasons - but, unless it's your spouse, it's nothing to do with you.

He's forgiven her - your opinion is worth nothing.

If I was her, I'd be happy I'd dodged going to a party with the family from hell.🙄

Having read the OP, you can understand why she had the affair in the first place.
Poor SIL being part of that family. 🙁

This thread is all about you?

I don't like
She's not the person I thought she was
I don't want her
I don't want to go

It's not your business to judge her!

You sound awfully judgemental and as if you've never put a foot wrong.

Crikey. Poor SiL & BiL - his entire family are vengeful, judgemental twats who are carrying on like they're on a reality tv show.

The affair was 6 years ago and from what I know they have worked through it. They are together a long time so it's hard for me to accept what she did.

When are you going to get over yourself?
Not your marriage, not your wife, not your business.

Your BiL has worked through it. He has chosen to stay with his wife. Why the FUCK are you conspiring with your inlaws to give him a hard time about his wife? Why do you feel it's your job to punish him for staying with his wife?

I just don't want to be around her and bil and sil feel the same. They haven't spoke to her at all since the affair and disinvited her from their wedding.
So they decided to be absolute cunts to their brother/BiL - for what reason? How did they think this was in any way helpful to the poor man?

I suspect you are looking for validation here OP.
You're unlikely to get it.
Why not just face the facts - you are behaving like a nasty little teenage bully?
Here's your chance to grow the fuck up & realise that YOUR FEELINGS about BiL's marriage are totally unimportant, & are actually based on your dislike of his wife. Stop pandering to those feelings. They are turning you into a small person. Start acting bigger.

Wow. Way to out yourself as a truly nasty person with no empathy, OP.

The part about the 40th birthday party sounds familiar. Was it something like SIL thought she was going to a BBQ at her aunt's house and they surprised her with party which was a few balloons and cake iirc? She later sent a photo of the grandkids or something and your MIL made a drama out of it.

I suspect your MIL (and the rest of the family) deep down know that the affair was a symptom of a much wider set of issues between the two of them but if you do that you have to face up to the fact that your BIL is part of this. Something which given they have reconciled he is aware of and has made changes.

It is not on your to accept her behaviour at all - she was clearly struggling and you were not there and the reason your MIL went NC is just ridiculous.

And the fact you keep your MIL and SIL/BIL (DHs sister by chance) happy speaks volumes.

Is the fact you havent been in contact made it easier not because of her but because of how your MIL/SIL were when you made contact

After reading this all I can say is wow. Let's hope you carry on living a perfect life. Your sil has opened her heart to you and explained why she did what she did. Yet you continue to vilify her for supposed slights like the party thing which is not only petty as fuck but also why would she want to invite her toxic in law family anyway? Shame on the lot of you. Basically you are acting like a load of childish bullies and it would not surprise me if this was a reverse

So at the time of the affair She was in a really bad place and wasn't herself. At home with 3 young dc and no support. She also had a near death tragic experience and was physically unwell for a year, was in a high dependency unit and then had mental illness diagnoses.

Wow. Her HUSBAND has stood by her through all this, and has or is working on forgiving the affair. Based on all of this, it sounds like she really does not need your toxic family in her life. She did nothing to you for you to forgive her. Don;t you get that? She wronged your BIL. For which they have worked through it. Along with all of that which you mentioned above. It miust have been an ultra shit time........ FOR HIM. Not YOU.
You sounds selfish, immature and a horrible person to be honest. Not an ounce of empathy, or understanding.

And the thing is you don't even seem to care about your BIL anyway, as you say you won't invite him if you have to invite her.

So its literally ALL about you, your family, and dishing out some 6 year long vendetta. I can't get over how pathetic that is.

Don't invite them OP, you'd be doing them a favour.

Well fuck me you sound delightful. The affair is no one’s business apart from the SIL and her husband. Heads up in your ivory tower, your husband works abroad, can I put money on him having an affair?

your whole family sounds toxic making her drop her kids off on Christmas Day and then she sits their alone at home.

Yeah I agree OP. You sound like a massive bitch. Your SIL admitted she did wrong, explained what happened (was unhappy, had mental health problems and a near death experience AND you all practically cut her off). Nice bunch. Hopefully she realises she's all better off without you lot in her life.

I wouldn’t invite her or her husband not for your sake but theirs your attitude is horrible.

also remember how she’s being treated because this might be you one day if anything goes wrong with your DH. Karma is a bitch

Her husband has forgiven her, and they should be applauded for saving their marriage. Nobody else has any right to judge. In fact, I'm pretty sure that your BIL and SIL would be much better off having nothing to do with the rest of their horrible, judgmental family.