Don't want to invite SIL

[Lauraleight]

We are planning on having a big family party on the 26th December in our home. None of us actually like SIL ( my DHs brothers wife). She had an affair a few years ago and we have never forgiven her. I have tolerated her since but last year MIL wasn't getting along with her and blocked her so I took that as my opportunity to not be in touch either . I haven't text her in a year. I seen her yesterday whilst out and about and said hello, didn't stop to engage in conversation. My other SIL and BIL ferl the same as me. Is it really awful not to invite them when everyone else will be there?

There's kids involved in this shitshow?

Its not up to your family to hold a grudge for 6 years when the 'victim' forgave her.

Your MIL was petty and childish.

The lot of you need to grow up.

She had an affair 6 years ago, not 6 weeks or even months ago. Cheating is bad, but so are many other things - you have no idea what went on in their private relationship, and even if you did, it's BIL's choice to continue.

Why on earth would she want to invite MIL or others to her own party, when you're clearly all still treating her like this?

Family means sometimes getting past these things. You don't have to be her friend even, just respectful and tolerant, and let your BIL join.

You sound like a judgemental tw@t.

Definitely don't invite her to your petty little bitch fest, she's definitely better off without you all. And I say this as someone who's marriage ended in divorce after my ex-husband had an affair. But I also know not to look down on others and to practice basic kindness if nothing else.

If you’re old enough to have a DIL turning 40, you’re too old to throw a strop about not being invited to a party and hit the block button. Most teenagers are beyond this behaviour.

You all sound dramatic and toxic. Such childishness. It’s up to your BIL whether he forgave his wife, and beyond any abuse, it’s none of your business.

Part of being an adult is knowing how to be civil with people you don’t like or love, and knowing how to maintain the peace. But that wouldn’t satisfy your need to hold petty grudges would it?

They’ll probably be glad not to be invited going by the updates. Nasty unsupportive family. Sad for the dc though to be excluded when they have no control of the situation.

6 years ago!! Bloody hell.

Honestly your reaction is not normal, nor is your MIL's. Move on @Lauraleight , nobody is who you think they are.

You all need to grow up. You don’t know the details or full story of their marriage .

Wow, you all sound like toxic, judgmental pieces of work. SIL is far better off without you.

Do you all not speak to DH’s brother either?

The affair was SIX YEARS ago. It didn’t happen last Tuesday. If the marriage is still going on six years later, why are you still dolling out punishment for something that didn’t even happen to you?

I think it’s petty for you to hold a grudge against her if her husband your dh brother can forgive her

SIl is better off without you.

I did speak to SIL about three years after the affair. She told me she was in a really bad place and wasn't herself. At home with 3 young dc and no support. She also had a near death tragic experience and was physically unwell for a year. This is true as I visited her in the high dependency unit and seen how unwell she was. This then led to a couple of mental illness diagnoses by a psychiatrist.

I know I'm being a bitch but after not having any contact for almost a year I feel happier.

this

What a pathetic and immature family. Maybe this is why she looked elsewhere?

Hmmm whatever happened to once a cheat always a cheat. I guess that only applies to men🤔

What about your brother in law and his kids though (your husbands brother)......is he cut off from the family along with his children because of events outwith their control (their wife's/mother's affair).
Life is too short. I would invite them. If your brother in law has forgiven her then...
A. Its not your place to keep the grudge (who benefits from that? Noone).
B. It makes life much harder for people who are innocent (your bil and his kids).

The 40th party reaction is a bit immature imo. Her aunt had a party for her. Not an automatic that mil should be invited.

Invite them. Its the right thing to do by the cousins. And it's not your place to make it difficult when they have moved on.

I am not saying your bil wife is a great person. Only that its not down to you to punish her and ther family forever

Her affair and her husbands forgiveness of it is absolutely none of your business.

by cutting her off you will only succeed in isolating your husband from his brother and is very twatish

wise up

Your whole family is really nasty.

He has chosen to forgive her - that’s all that matters.

But she’s better off without you all anyway.

I know I'm being a bitch but after not having any contact for almost a year I feel happier.

Translation: “Me. Me. Meeeeeeeeeeeee!!”

YABU.

clearly her husband has forgiven her and moved on so I think you all need to get over it and move on too!

sounds petty from your side.

I know I'm being a bitch

You said it not us. I don't know why you started this thread. You should invite them but it doesn't sound like you will so just refer back to your previous statement and live with that I guess.

Your most recent update is just horrible. That poor woman. At least you admit you’re being a bitch.

And coz mil hasn’t forgiven /blocked her (and over a silly reason if wss the pic from 40th) you. follow. Like a little sheep

so if mil suddenly forgives . You would as well ?