14 yr old dating a 22 yr old. AIBU to think this is comcerning?

[saffy56]

My son is concerned as his female friend who is 14 is dating a 22 yr old man. He has just showed me her tik tok video and it is quite concerning.

AIBU to report it to school or get him too? Or is it none of our business and she can date who she wants.

Why are you asking?

Do you think anyone would view it differently?

WHAT ABOUT THIS OTHER THING?

Start a thread if you know a 22 yo woman dating a 14 yo boy.

im surprised you’re even asking. That’s illegal, report immediately

I have reported it to the designated safeguarding lead who is also her tutor.

Tik tok video shows them snogging.

She leads her own life really with very little input from her mum. She is known to social services and lived with her gran whilst at primary school.

You've done the right thing.

Please please report it. Nothing good can come of that situation. Poor girl, willing or not she is being groomed and it will damage her.

Yes you should report to the school.

I remember at school my 15 year old friend was dating a 28 year old security guard from the shop she worked in on a Saturday. I was very uncomfortable with it but safeguarding wasn't so well publicised in the early 90's as it IOU's now.

Of course it's concerning, but it's not my business. You can try and intervene of course but if she doesn't want invention then she'll just continue her relationship in secret.

Well done. The additional information highlights just how much at risk the girl is. You've absolutely fine the right thing.

*done

@Aretheyhavingalaugh your ignorance is shocking

Well, if the 22 year old is attempting to incite a child to engage in sexual activity (which is pretty much a given from the fact he has been seen on a recording snogging her) and making indecent photograph of a child, he can expect a medium length jail term and to be placed on the Sex Offenders Register for 10 years.

The police need to be informed, they will seize his phone and any other devices and be able to examine even deleted content.

This is very, very serious.

Fucking paedophile

You have to report it to the school, and perhaps social services. This is a child being exploited by an adult.

Some of these responses are 🤮 saying she might look older gives victim blaming vibes... & even if she lied about her age, that doesn't mean he believes her lie but rather accepts it for convenience... I mean what could a 22 year old possibly have in common with a 14 year old child? she's a school girl and he is a grown man.

Someone said they use to lie about their age to buy cigarettes as if that's the same thing, but lying for all of 2 minutes at a shop counter with, I am assuming, either a less than observant shop keeper or one that really couldn't care less, is widely different from being able to convince a grown adult that you are also an adult when you have literally no experience of ever being an adult, and then keep up the act long enough to begin a full on relationship. Like I doubt they could even socialise in remotely the same way, I know some clubs/pubs let in the odd underage person by lapse of judgement but I've literally never seen/met a 14 year old that I would mistake for 18.

Even if the creep thinks she's 16, he is still a creep. I knew plenty of lads like that when I was younger, their always complete wastes of space that date younger girls because no one their own age will go near them. 14 year olds are far easier to impress. It's sick.

Sorry for the rant, this is honestly a hill I'd be willing to die on. We are all responsible for safeguarding children from predators. If it was my child I'd have his balls on a chopping board & wouldn't feel sorry.

I suspect quite a few older women here are cringing .

I was 15 when I met my perfect gentleman of a future husband who was then 21 .no sexual behaviour at all until I was 17 .
We were married 25 years and have 2 children.
Things are very different now to when I was young but it was quite the norm and accepted that because girls matured faster an older boyfriend was tolerated.

Tbh at 15 I wouldn't have even considered going out with a lad my own age - they were generally daft lads at that age and probably only after one thing .

My older future husband was not like that at all.

I suppose what I'm saying is it very much depends on the INDIVIDUALS concerned here . Not the ages so much . If she is vulnerable and he is predatory yes it's all wrong .....but it's not always the case .

Men at 20 are quite daft too... my dad has 7 years over my mum and their 35 years together... but my parents would of hit the rough if at 14/15 I was dating a 22 year old, one could say that's hypocritical or they might say it's a reflection of the times... I suspect years ago people really did date to marry more often than not, but that really isn't the case anymore for the majority. With social media & dating apps the worlds a smaller place with ample choice. So while your husband respectfully waited until you were ready I wouldn't hold my breath expecting a 22 year old man these days to wait the 3 years necessary for her to become legal.

Roof* sorry not rough

Buts that's not the law ... if he is engaging in sexual activity with a minor that is statutory rape. We have a legal age of consent for a reason, it safe guards young girls/boys from being taken advantage of by older adults.

She is automatically vulnerable as in this situation she is a 14 child, she's not even old enough to vote, and has a creepy 22 year old bf... what decent, self respecting 22 year old man is hanging round the school gates waiting for his 14 year old gf?

According to op this girl hasn't had a great start, she's not receiving adequate parenting & is known to social services.. she is vulnerable as a lot of children that grow up under these circumstances developed the need to seek validation in the wrong places, partaking in riskier behavior and are often the target of predators.

FYI a grown man interested in a 14 year old is ALWAYS predatory ...

What I'm asking is IS This a SEXUAL relationship?

Mine certainly wasn't . And without him I'd have been on the streets . He was my absolute best friend, my rock , my everything at that age .

How does anyone know they are having sex without asking?

Oh and I didn't have adequate parenting - that's why my husband was so needed by me . He was my absolute hero . My protector, my salvation.

Without knowing the facts - this thread is pretty one sided .

IF - IF this had been me at 15 and the righteous indignation had meant he couldn't see me I can absolutely guarantee I'd have been in a shared house with prostitution and drug addicts because that was all I was offered. At 15 . My 21 year old future hubby was all that stood between me and living on the street and without him I know I wouldn't have been here now .

There is a lot of judgment - possibly rightly but also quite possibly wrong !

This is a speculative thread . No one has asked this girl what's going on . Maybe - just maybe before the Mumsnet jury roll in someone should actually ask this girl what's happening. That's my point .

Tiktok video of them snogging... op mentioned it... snogging is still sexual activity with a minor, btw.

Safeguarding, when done right, does not mean sounding the alarm after a serious incident (such as statutory rape) has occurred, its about prevention, when ever possible. Op has enough evidence to report to the school or a person in the child's life that can put measures in place to make sure she is not being taken advantage of by a grown man who has no business snogging a child.

Seriously? It kind of takes two to "snog" and let's face it - it's kissing . I kissed a lot of people in my lifetime without fucking them .

This all seems terribly hysterical without any facts .

If he's some predatory monster praying upon young girls fine - but does anyone know what the actual facts are here ?
I'm bloody certain if someone had sat me down at 15 ( having been abused by my parents but never by my future husband) and started Questioning me I'd have clammed up pretty fast .

Ask by all means but this hysterical reaction is why girls don't talk .