Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

14 yr old dating a 22 yr old. AIBU to think this is comcerning?

215 replies

saffy56 · 25/09/2022 20:28

My son is concerned as his female friend who is 14 is dating a 22 yr old man. He has just showed me her tik tok video and it is quite concerning.

AIBU to report it to school or get him too? Or is it none of our business and she can date who she wants.

OP posts:
ThirtyThreeTrees · 25/09/2022 20:39

She's a child. It's completely wrong. There's no ambiguity on this.

Mooda · 25/09/2022 20:39

I don't get all the suggestions of reporting it to school - it's not an educational matter? Surely you would report to social services on the basis of likely grooming/ exploitation? And yes I would report this.

Original poster
saffy56 · 25/09/2022 20:39

Dh and a mum of another of my sons friends say it is none of our business- that's why I asked although I knew in my heart of hearts that it needs reporting.

OP posts:
Aretheyhavingalaugh · 25/09/2022 20:41

I personally would keep my nose out of it.

CaveMum · 25/09/2022 20:41

I suggested reporting to school as a first step because they will have a safeguarding lead who will have appropriate clout, as it were, with Social Services/police. An anonymous report from a member of the public may well be considered malicious or not taken as seriously as one from a school.

QWE96 · 25/09/2022 20:41

Former teacher here - it's something the school would absolutely want to know. The sooner it's reported, the sooner safeguarding procedures can be put in place

Georgeskitchen · 25/09/2022 20:41

Where are her parents?

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 25/09/2022 20:41

When I was 15 I went out with a 27 year old, almost 28. I admit I lied about my age, telling him I was older, but eventually he turned quite nasty and dumped me. It didn't result in sex, but that was not for want of him trying, and the reason he dumped me. It traumatised me for a long time afterwards, making me feel worthless.

But that was in 1996. No TikTok, no social media at all. It must be far, far worse nowadays.

wackamole · 25/09/2022 20:42

PigsInBlanketyBlankets · 25/09/2022 20:33

"Yes OP you need to report this because if hey are sleeping together he is committing statutory rape ."

Yeah, that's not a thing.

Not a "thing", Pig Boy, but deffo a crime in very many parts of the world.

piegone · 25/09/2022 20:42

Dh and a mum of another of my sons friends say it is none of our business- that's why I asked although I knew in my heart of hearts that it needs reporting.

Why do you ask though? Why do you not have your own, very normal opinion here?

The new question to ask yourself is what kind of a man are you married to? Mine would be horrified at the idea of a 22 year old man being anywhere near a 14 year old as in this situation. Why is yours not?

IamSarah · 25/09/2022 20:43

I had a 21 year old boyfriend when I was 14. I wish someone had reported it.

Please report it.

DottyLittleRainbow · 25/09/2022 20:44

Report to the school. It’s a safeguarding issue. You could just stay out of it but then if everyone does that - who is advocating for the girl who is being abused?

Vikinga · 25/09/2022 20:45

You need to report it. I have a 14 year old girl. Despite her thinking she's an adult, she isn't.

Coldilox · 25/09/2022 20:47

Police officer here.

In UK law this isn’t rape but (assuming they are sleeping together) it would be sexual activity with a child under 16.

it absolutely should be reported. The police may not be able to take action (she would need to report sexual activity to them, and she probably wouldn’t be willing) but this girl needs safeguarding. School would definitely be a good place to report.

DarkShade · 25/09/2022 20:48

For sure report it.

inheritanceshiteagain · 25/09/2022 20:49

Of course it's not rape in this country. It's illegal under 16 though as 14 is considered a child.

Ihatecocomelon · 25/09/2022 20:49

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Mayvis · 25/09/2022 20:50

It absolutely needs reporting. I would report to school, social services and the police.

No normal 22 year old man dates a 14 year old girl. It’s not romantic. It’s grooming, abuse and at the worst, rape.

I also couldn’t be married to a man who thinks it should be ignored. Vile.

FemaleAndLearning · 25/09/2022 20:51

Think of it in another way. Why is a 22 year old man dating a 14 year old girl? He is grooming her. Please do report to school or social services. She is vulnerable even if she thinks she isn't.

Comedycook · 25/09/2022 20:51

I don't get all the suggestions of reporting it to school - it's not an educational matter

because schools deal with safeguarding too 🙄

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 25/09/2022 20:51

saffy56 · 25/09/2022 20:39

Dh and a mum of another of my sons friends say it is none of our business- that's why I asked although I knew in my heart of hearts that it needs reporting.

Do you have a daughter OP or a niece- ask your DH what he would want done it it was them

girlmom21 · 25/09/2022 20:52

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

An adult should be able to tell the difference between a 14 year old and an adult - both physically and emotionally.

They'd also realise she's uncontactable during school hours.

Autumn2022 · 25/09/2022 20:53

i had lots of boyfriends that age at 14 - thought they were really cool. Now realise they were sex offenders. We are talking 20 years ago but the school didn’t care much at the time..

MintyGreenDreams · 25/09/2022 20:53

I was sleeping with a 24 year old at 15.
I wouldn't class it as abuse as I willingly participated.I do understand now that he had Ephebophilia which is abhorrent.

SlightlyDifferent · 25/09/2022 20:56

It's not an issue for her school unless he is a school employee or met her through the school.
Report to social services.