14 yr old dating a 22 yr old. AIBU to think this is comcerning?

[saffy56]

My son is concerned as his female friend who is 14 is dating a 22 yr old man. He has just showed me her tik tok video and it is quite concerning.

AIBU to report it to school or get him too? Or is it none of our business and she can date who she wants.

Even if she did lie it makes no difference to it being a crime if they are having sex.

That's very kind @Ihatecocomelon

Lovely to 'chat'.

Yes I agree but he could well think that she's 16 (still wrong) and he's not doing anything illegal.

The man is a pedophile. Of course you should report it. Cant imagine why anyone would think twice in this situation.

I'd contact the Designated Safeguarding Lead at the school.

Report it to the school as a safeguarding concern. Sounds like she’s being groomed. She’s lucky to have your son looking out for her.

It means a sexual interest in someone who's post-pubescent. Paedophilia = pre-pubescent.

It doesnt in fact, but in practice it would make a huge difference to whether any action is progressed against him if she doesnt say anything different. Or in fact corroborate that they even had sex.

OP hasnt said what is on the ticktock, does this girl meet up with this man, do her parents know,, what else is known about this, perhaps authorities already know but this evidence can be useful to them too.

He doesn’t think she’s 16, he knows. Even if she WAS 16 it’s still disgusting behaviour for a 22 year old man.

I was 14 when a 24 year old came after me. He was my best friends uncle. I was frightened and knew it was wrong but nobody stopped it. He was silly and funny and everyone thought he was great and just one of the group, he wasn’t. Please help this child.

I’d absolutely report this to the school and let them deal with it, which they hopefully will. My daughter’s school would I’m sure. And good for your son for telling you about this and realising it’s not right. He’s come to you for guidance and imo it’s important to show him how to deal with stuff like this.

Yes, she’s a child below the age of consent and he is an adult so if they really are dating it’s extremely concerning. Does he actually know she’s a child or has she told him she’s older?

You don’t say what the content of her TikTok video actually was - is he in the video with her? Because if she’s just talking about him, it’s possible she’s just making the whole thing up. A fantasy boyfriend is not unusual for a teenage girl. So I would report it, but hope it turns out to be nothing.

Child being groomed. Yes report it ASAP.

I can guarantee all of the apologists on this thread don't have teenage daughters. If they did they'd know full well that a 14 year old girl is a CHILD. A 22 year male is a MAN. A man who has any sort of intimate relations with a child is abuse.

All this bollocks around kids looking older, she can make her own decisions etc etc. Disgusting.

You ask school to put you in touch with their Safeguarding Lead, & you tell them everything you know.

That's what you do when you have reason to believe an underage child at your own child's school is being groomed & abused by an adult.

Safeguarding is everyone's responsibility. You need to do the right thing here, OP - & then you can breathe easy. But send the email/make the call.

I went out with a guy in his 20s when I was 14 and lost my virginity to him. Now I have a 15 year old myself I see how vile that 'relationship' was.

Who knew Mumsnet was home to so many paedo apologists. And the misogyny on this thread is scary. I hope you don't have daughters.

That's a rather poorly written article. The statutes referred to are correct but "statutory rape" is a generic lay person's term rather than the correct legal term.

Well that's concerning 😳 child abuse is none of their business?! That is sick.

OP when I was 14 one of my friends starting "dating" a 20 something year old guy, her parents found out called the police and it turned out he had been sleeping with at least 5 other 13/14 year old girls, he was sent to prison for rape.
You have to at least tell her parents and show them what you have seen. He is a predator and she needs helping.

Report to the school's safeguarding team.

She's 14 - a child.

If she was 16 or 17 it would be different. But she isn't, and it is concerning that an adult wants to 'date' a young teenager.

I haven't the slightest doubt that if our son, at that age, had confided to my husband that my son was worried about a school- friend in a similar situation that my husband would have contacted the school or social services.

Legally, at 14 and without force or coercion, it would likely be charged as sexual activity with a child, not rape. It is a Mumsnet myth that the law states all sex with a person under the age of consent is rape. There are differences in the law depending on how far below the age of consent someone is.

Most of us certainly don’t see a moral distinction between an adult having non-coerced sex with a 14 year old and and an adult doing the same with an 11 year old - but there is a purely legal distinction.

People saying “not all teenagers are innocent” and “it’s up to her who she dates - do you realise that people like you are the reason grooming gangs in Rochdale and Rotherham got away with abusing girls for years? How do you feel about that?

Correct and as I pointed out earlier, thats only if the police get as far as getting a statement from the girl or 'proving' that it happened in any other way. Unless its reported by the girl herself as a rape, its very unlikely to be reported in any other way by her.

What would you think if a 14 year old boy went out with a 22 year old woman? It's equally terrible.