To really want to be a SAHM

[Wanttostayhome]

I work PT, but I really don’t want to, I’m saying this here as I can’t stay at home. It wouldn’t be good for my career or pension and there are so many sensible reasons to work. But I don’t actually want to! Does anyone else feel the same?

I think we'd all stay at home except that it would ruin our career / lead to starvation. So, yanbu to want to stay at home. I'd love that too if money was no object now or in the future. But, as it is, I have a job I truly love (but when it boils down to it, if I didn't have bills to pay, I probably wouldn't do it)

I'm sure loads of parents would like to not work, but it isn't an option. It wasn't for me. You do what you have to do

I stayed at home (hate that phrase as we were hardly in the house!) for 7 years when we started our family. On MN it is HUGELY frowned upon but I absolutely loved it. There were definitely incredibly sleep deprived hard days but the good ones more than made up for it. You have your whole life to work and further your career, you only have such little time having you g children. Is it definitely not an option for you OP?

Me. And my kids are 15 and 16!

I would love to be a sahm but I trained for years to do my job and I feel in my heart I shouldn’t give it all up. My standard of living would drop - a lot - and DH would have to shoulder all the finances so I plod on! You are not alone op….there is always the lottery !

No way, I stayed home for nearly 6 years and I couldn’t wait to get back to work!! It was fine but I didn’t love it, it’s not all it’s made out to be. I don’t have to work as my dh earns plenty and we have no mortgage but my mental health is so so much better when I’m working.

I have been a SAHM for 15 years. Four DC. 15 to 5yo. I was contemplating going back to work this year but due to health reasons I will not be able to get back for the foreseeable future.

I don't worry about not having much of a pension. I didn't ask to have osteoarthritis before the age of 40🤷

Part time is a good compromise surely? You have some time to spend with your child/ren and you also contribute a bit of money to the household. You also get to be with other people for part of the day. For many not working is not an option, it could be worse, you could have to do 2 jobs just to get by.

I'm sure loads of parents would like to not work, but it isn't an option.

Not just parents, to be fair. I don't have kids but I'd give my right arm to be a SAHP (Stay at home person).

@CantstandCoriander DH would agree to it but I feel like it would build resentment. I think I’d struggle to get back to work and so it would be difficult.

It’s true part time is a great compromise. But I just feel so bad when I drop dc at nursery. We love our days together so much.

I understand.

It's completely natural to want to be with your kids 24/7.

But usual financially ruinous.

I had to leave work when my middle child was 10 because he needed such a high level of care.

We lost our home and are now in rented.

It's ok now but it was really, really hard for a long time. And my dh earns a good wage and it still broke us financially.

Same here. Not always easier but I’m definitely happier when working.

I'm a SAHM now after working for years. Tbh I've never worked so hard than I do now, but I love it more than anything else and nothing has ever been as rewarding. The other thing is if I worked, DC would have to be in creche & we'd actually be financially worse off because of fees so this works for our family.

I'm a stay at home mum because I didn't earn enough to cover full time childcare. It made sense for me to stay at home as we'd be financially better off and tbh in my field I don't get career progression or a decent pension. (The plus side to being on minimum wage) I also would be able to walk back in pretty certain as no one wanted to do my job haha.

That said, shame can be a bit lonely. Playgroups are a lifesaver and if you were considering it I'd carefully plan how you spend your week.

How many hours do you work?

Sorry I can't relate I would hate to be a SAHM. Part time is a nice balance. Can you reduce your hours any further?

I've loved being home with my two, now 14 and 12. I decided to retire a couple of years ago so never did go back to work but if that's not a option and you really need to get back to your career then it's worth staying part time so that you can keep your hand in.

I do 3 days a week. It’s not that I mind working just that I don’t think DS likes nursery much and we have such a lovely time when I’m not at work. I might try to ask for two days, not sure yet.

If Ds doesn't like nursery you could explore other nurseries or childminders. Different settings can be entirely different and not all settings fit all children.

Just another thing I would say, when you have a few days with your child I think they do get the best of you. It's easy to think of activities, they enjoy the novelty etc.
Being all week with your child is not the same as you have to reign in any activities that cost money, you can end up doing a lot of repetitive stuff etc. I'm not trying to badmouth staying at home, but I do think doing it full time is a job as you have to work to keep it fresh and interesting and ensure they get all their social and physical needs met. It just means being prepared so having the right clothing ready to go out in all weather, researching playgroups and being quick off the mark to join up to anything free!

I was off all summer with him and it was amazing. I do know what you mean though, it is really hard work.

I would have loved to stay at home, but couldn't.
It is what it is.

Nope I'm a sahm because of mental health reasons but I'd rewind the clock in a heartbeat and fight for the job I gave up whilst still struggling with postpartum psychosis.

I love my kids but if it wasn't for my studies (currently on degree number 2 since becoming a sahm, 3rd over all), my voluntary work and the relief hours I do for the Local Authority in a field related to one I worked in previously I would have lost the plot even more I think. We did a lot of classes and we were lucky enough to be able to afford that and I made some very good friends but I wouldn't encourage my daughter to stay at home.

No. Couldn’t do it. Love my child to the ends of the earth but I need the stimulation of work. But, and probably a crucial ‘but’ as well, I like my job, it’s interesting I wfh and it contributes something positive to society.

I have been very part time (one 12 hour shift a week) was 8 months. I didn't want to go back, and for most of the last 4 years haven't wanted to be there. DD is now in reception and I have doubled my hours, and I actually prefer it. I don't feel as out of the loop, I feel like I am less vulnerable to skills decay, more frequent shifts feel more routine then suddenly having to get up at 6 am and rush out once a week.

Kids grow and change so quickly and so will you, so it is worth keeping ticking over part time, ready for a point where you are more likely to feel truely ready to be at work sometime in the near (ish) future.

And my child is settling super well at nursery (so far, touch wood) so it seems like we’re doing the best thing all round.

I get it. Why wouldn’t you want to spend as much time as possible with your DC. Most people on,y work because of finances.