To really want to be a SAHM

[Wanttostayhome]

I work PT, but I really don’t want to, I’m saying this here as I can’t stay at home. It wouldn’t be good for my career or pension and there are so many sensible reasons to work. But I don’t actually want to! Does anyone else feel the same?

I absolutely loved being a SAHM. I think everyone should have that opportunity if they want it and it sucks that that isn't the case.

Not to the same extent they are not, of course not.

The person who is with the child the most has the most influence over them. With my children, that was me. My husband has had less of an inflience because he has spent less time with them because he was working.

When you are giving 24/7 care to your children, of course you are the person most responsible for their development.

If a childminder is doing most of your childcare, rhe childminder is most responsible for the childs development. To me, that is obvious.

Thestagshead - She just means she is the one there, putting the time In. You have more headspace when you don't have the pressures of a job as well. But that's not to say going to work means you are not a responsible parent.

I was a SAHM for a few years. Once the kids were in school I went back to work. I have a senior, well respected role. I like what I do, enjoy creating things, watching the results. Tech/engineering is such a great field. It's rewarding. I don't get this level of satisfaction from mopping the kitchen. I also far prefer to earn my own money and contribute a healthy salary to the household.

Yip, with you! I work from home at my own business part time and go to my real job the other half of the week. I’m not even ‘off’ when I’m at home, but just being able to spend time with my little boy (1) makes me so glad I don’t have to work full time right now. He’s just getting to the age of doing more stuff and being really hilarious and the other morning he was lying back on me to look at me upside down while killing himself laughing and I just thought, I would usually be at work right now, I’m so glad I’m not or I would be missing this ❤️

I had to leave work when I was pregnant with my second child, as I earned £1800 a month as a full time primary school teacher and nursery for the two of them (very small age gap) would have been £2000 a month where we live. This was 5 years ago so probably more now! It was simply not doable.

So I’ve been a SAHM ever since. Now both children are in school I have been thinking about going back to work (not teaching - in my experience it’s not compatible with having young children, yes you get the holidays but I’m not interested in working weekends and evenings).

I consider myself very fortunate to have had all this time with my children, but once they came along I lost interest in my job anyway, so I was never one of those women who was keen to get back to work. Perhaps if I had had a job I was passionate about I might have felt differently.

If you enjoy your job, and your child enjoys nursery, then part time work does seem a good balance. That’s probably the route I would have chosen if we hadn’t been fortunate enough to conceive our second child.

There's no resentment here...maybe talk about it more...

No resentment here at all, just gratefulness...

I stayed off work for 6 years after having DC. It was great and 100x easier than being a working parent. I am full of admiration for families where both parents work full time - you have to work AND do all the parenting stuff. Now DC ate older and I work part-time, which works well.

I stayed at home until my kids were 17 and 14! I had the odd evening cleaning job, and occasional shop work during school hours, but on the whole, didn't work. It was something my husband and I had decided on. My MIL slated me terribly for not working full-time

I love being a stay at home mum. I know my children appreciate it too. They love that I can pick them up from school every day, bring them to all their activities, do their homework with them etc. They often say they are so happy that they can come home after school rather than go to a childminder/ after school etc. They are homebodies like me. In the few hours I have free in the morning I can get all the cleaning and other jobs done. I also take time to meditate/ exercise in the morning which puts me in a better frame of mind before the busyness of pick ups etc. I actually never get bored, I listen to lots of podcasts and audio books while I am working, chat to other mom's throughout the day and enjoy the company of the kids. I make time to see friends. My husband is happy too. He has a very busy stressful job and works long hours so he is not free to help out at all during the week. He appreciates all I do. I am very grateful that we are financially able to do this as it works out well for us.
Essentially I am very happy and contented. I do feel I have given up a lot to do this but on balance I am happy with my decision. It suits me as a person. I am quite introverted and happy with my own company. I studied hard, went to uni and worked in a good job before I had kids. However I was not in love with my job and I am not a hugely ambitious person.

I know this would not be for everyone but it suits me and my family. I think women should be supported whatever they choose.

I was very part time (2 days) when mine were little and I really enjoyed it. Had a year of being a SAHM and got itchy feet. Once they were all at school I found myself feeling quite low. Increasing my hours then was good for my mental health. I'm not satisfied with day cleaning, cooking and doing chores (I know some people are, we're all different), I find it boring, so I rather go out to work and pay someone to come and clean! I am a happier person working even though I'm in the fortunate position of not needing to.

Speak for yourself but plenty wouldn't want to.

Thaaaaaanks, will do 👍

I would love it. I'm currently on maternity leave and being able to take and pick up my 4 year old from school is lovely. I spend the day with baby ds, getting jobs done and enjoying watching him do new things. I also have a 16 year old at college and after they've all finished and we're home it's great to spend that time having a cuppa and chatting about their days. It's getting closer to me having to go back to work and the thought of it is filling me with dread and making me miserable.

Can you move your child to a nursery near your work? Start work half an hour early in the morning and take a long lunch and spend that time with your child.

I'm surprised so many posters are asking why it would cause resentment with the husband. If my husband stopped working and became a SAHD and I had to shoulder all the financial burden I'd be very resentful, and vice versa.

I was at home with all of mine, and I feel very fortunate that I was able to be there.

I wouldn’t change that for the world. I loved it.

It's super unpopular on here but if you can afford it, do it. I was a SAHM for six years and it was really lovely. I now work two days a week and, quite frankly, loathe it. There are a myriad of reasons why it benefits us as a family: it has lifted the financial burden from DH, we can afford more days out as a family, and because of my extra income we can now afford to look for a bigger house. Rather selfishly, I still regret taking the job, and wish I had held off until my youngest had started school at least. The school holidays were shite, packing both children off to my Mum's house whilst I went into the office. I no longer get to take my daughter to her dance class, I can no longer help with the tuck shop at school, we have to scrabble around for childcare if one of my parents is ill. Third world problems I know, but being at home all week made everything much simpler (and was far more enjoyable than sitting in the office.)

Yes, if my husband became a SAHD I would be unimpressed and feel resentful too.

It might not be fashionable to say it, but i think its the man's job to provide for his family.

I would have loved to be the sahm but in the end I have become the sole earner. It's exhausting, worrying beyond belief and life limiting. My advice is consider the impact on the whole family including both parents. Not saying you should not do it but there are repercussions.

Op 3 days sounds like a good compromise,if you can and want 2 then perfect??

2 sound's absolutely perfect to me.

Usually when you have DC it's within a ten years window..

When one usually start to work at 15/16 and now carry on until 70s....
Taking 5/7 year's out to look after vulnerable non verbal DC?

I was able to become a SAHM in 2018 after an unexpected inheritance allowed us to pay off our mortgage at the same time as my DH's business taking off.

I have absolutely loved it after working almost full time while bringing up two DCs. I've never felt more fulfilled, content and confident spending my time doing things for the people I love, while also having time to meet friends and doing stuff just for me.

But it looks like it's sadly coming to an end now. My DCs are mid and late teens and my DC's business is suffering currently, so I'm having to consider going back to work. I earned well in my own career but my skill set is now very behind the current technology. I get contacted almost weekly on LinkedIn by potential employers, but feel I'm just not up to what they're asking for.

I would love a low pressure albeit full time role, but my DH has pointed out that almost every role advertised that I show interest in pays roughly per week what I would typically have earned in a day. It's a tough call and you just can't jump off and jump back on when you need to.

Btw I have come from a family where people have fertility issues including myself.

Children are rare and not always forthcoming.

I know what's it's like in a family with very few/no DC. They are not something to be taken for granted.
However they are not the be and ends all.
I would certainly be saying to my DC, if you can't afford at least two years off, don't have them.

GO and enjoy life!
Do so many other things!

Grass is always greener. I was desperate to be a SAHM and gleefully gave up work in January when our childcare arrangements fell through. However the last 9 months have been unbelievably hard, and I'm actually starting a new job again next month.

I thought I'd love staying home to bake cookies and jump in muddy puddles all day long. The reality is policing squabbles 24/7 and living with incessant mess and noise. Money is also a real issue - although we can live off DH's salary, there is no spare cash for treats or spontaneous purchases and I feel guilty everytime I spend 'his' money on things for myself (even necessities, like a new bra when my underwire snapped!)

The biggest factor though is how boring I felt I'd become. I had nothing to talk about other than my children, because that's all I did.