To really want to be a SAHM

[Wanttostayhome]

I work PT, but I really don’t want to, I’m saying this here as I can’t stay at home. It wouldn’t be good for my career or pension and there are so many sensible reasons to work. But I don’t actually want to! Does anyone else feel the same?

I loved being a SAHM to my two eldest for 5 years and was very upset I couldn't do it for my youngest.
I do 4 days and although I absolutely love my job now (changed jobs this summer) I hate being away from my DS and would like to be home with him.
I'm considering asking to do 3 days so I'm home a bit more but not sure work will allow it.
If you can afford it I would cut down to 2 days as they're not litte for long and can always up your hours later. If you want to return to work in the long run it might not be wise to be a SAHM as I did find it hard getting back to work. If you're planning to not return ever then obviously less of an issue.

I think PT is probably your best position.

.. and also your kids probably benefit from some days w you and some at nursery?

@Wanttostayhome
I used to want to be stay at home mum when she was a baby.
Gradually I actually realised that if I had been a stay at home mum I'd be lonely, just too lonely though and I realised that actually I needed to work as well.
But it did help that I only worked 2 days. Although they were 12 hour days.
But I did definitely come to the realisation that I did need to work as well as be at home

Well obviously I want to stay at home. I'd love to watch day time TV while my child is at school. Unfortunately I have to earn money so...

Agree in many ways, SAHM with my boys for last 7 years and loved it in so many ways but now returned to work, last 2 months and realised how much of myself I had lost in the last few years, loving my time back at work and at home with my boys. Would I change it hard to say.

If you think ds would be happier at home more why not suggest that dh drops a day or works condensed hours? Financially you might be better off than if you drop a day and it means that on that day you wouldn't have to get ds up, do nursery run, get cover if he is sick etc. Means dh gets to see that your day off doesn't mean you have hours of flicking through a magazine, esp if he picks up some more housework on the day off too.

Meee I feel you OP. I would gladly be a SAHM and a SAH grandma later in life 😂

YANBU. I'm mostly stay at home. I do the odd day as and when I want.
In the run up to Christmas from now, I've decided to put in a day or two per week. I'm definitely lucky to be able to have work as a take it or leave it as I please.
I'm loving the opportunity to be at home with DS

I’m a stay at home mum and I like it. I definitely feel like people look down in me a bit but we are fortunate to not “need” me to work. My daughter is only a toddler so I may return to part time work when she starts school.

My husband has a good job but loves to stay at home when he can fixing things and pottering about.I can imagine he would be resentful if I stayed at home ,we had to tighten our belt and he was the only one working when I have chosen not to.

I want to not work but not because I want to be a stay at home parent but because I've had enough of the stress for such little reward.

I was about to drop hours and go p/t when this cost of living crisis hit and we decided we couldn't afford for me to.

Being a round more for my sons would be a good side effect but it don't want to be just at home for them.

I feel the same. Was a sahm for a while but dh got made redundant and was more difficult to reverse all the expensive things we already had in place than me get a job. I absolutely loved my sahm time and wish so much I could go back to it but dh never went back to the same salary.
Now we both find life more difficult as he has to help me more with things he's not so great at and I have to work so don't have all the time to organise all the things I used to.

No way in Hades. Loved my kids but no way I could have been with them 24/7. We both shared being a SAHP and worked, as in kids were not in care apart from when each got to preschool age and did the school readiness years but we never had them overlapping with that so always a kid at home until our last went.

It was really tough working opposite days/shifts and often tag teaming on way in/out door, having a few with Special Needs, no family anywhere near and being lucky to even get a few hours sleep at times before heading back out in order to make it work but we did. I have no idea how people just look after kids and nothing else tbh, nothing at all wrong with it but could never imagine just doing that as while you love them it’s hardly mental gymnastics.

I went back to work part time but changed yobs when ds was 1. I hated new job and that topped with ds having Sen and dm needing care i because a sahm. I enjoyed it as I was able to do what I needed to do without feeling like I was juggling. I went back to work after ds started school part time, I'm in a new job that I enjoy.

I worked 2 days a week when mine were little, luckily I had a really supportive manager who was willing to make it work. I found this to be the right balance and as they got older increased and now many years later I am back up to 5 days. Full time seems easier from a managing a work load so possibly should've got back to full time sooner to boost my pension. What is right for you and your family is so personal depending on circumstances and I think mist people would love the financial freedom to do what they want and suits them .

You might feel like this because you had all Summer together. I used to get that feeling after a holiday when we spent all week together. But it wore off again once I got used to being back in work. I love my job mostly and worked full time. I would never want to be a stay at home parent for a million reasons. My relationship with my
DD also couldn’t be closer. I would give it more time and see how you feel in Oct / Nov. Three days a week seems like a great balance.

I think it’s OK to want something, and to recognise it probably wouldn’t be sensible or work very well but still want it, in the same way I want to travel to the states but it wouldn’t work for us at the moment!

Three days is great in so many ways, but it feels like a long time at nursery for him. I know I could explore other options but if he doesn’t settle there it’s a lot of disruption. Anyway, they say he’s fine once I’ve gone, I just feel guilty watching his little bottom lip quiver as we stand and wait to drop him off.

If I could choose to be a SAHM, I’d love him to spend a bit of time at nursery but not full days, two mornings a week maybe, but of course with no salary that’s harder.

I am lucky, I find the problem is once you have something you always want more, so I have four days a week with ds and now I want five … although I may change my mind if and when he drops his nap!

I'd love to be a SAHM. I loved maternity leave. And then once they're at school you get more time to yourself or more time to sort stuff, rather than having to cram in all the cleaning/cooking/admin on evenings and weekends. I'm pretty sure my DH would love to be a SAHD too. But we can't afford it.

OP, it seems like you're asking people on here about being a SAHM, but you've already accepted it's not possible for you? Have you discussed it with your husband? If you really can't afford it, I guess that's that, but if you can, what's stopping you?

Did he not get much say in the matter?

I have worked since I was 16. When I was 20 weeks pregnant with DS, we went into the first lockdown and my work signed me off. I've been at home ever since. I am fortunate to live in a country which makes it possible for me (I get money to stay at home, child benefit is high, I'm covered under my husband's health insurance and if we were ever to divorce, me staying at home is compensated with some of his pension and alimony). I hardly ever saw my mum as a child and my dad wasn't in my life so I guess I waned to do differently with my children. DS is going to nursery now 2 mornings a week (he's just started), and his little brother will be coming along in February so I'll stay home at least another 2-3 years. Then I'll head back to work. I like working and I like staying at home. There are good and bad points to both but I feel happy with my decision to stay home with our children while they're young and no resentment from DH because he likes his job too.
At the end of the day, I don't think there is a "wrong" option. Just what works for each family. Some women want to go back to work - that's fine. Some women have to - which is a shame if they want to stay home. some women choose to stay at home. No option should be judged.

Anyway, they say he’s fine once I’ve gone, I just feel guilty watching his little bottom lip quiver as we stand and wait to drop him off

This stood out to me,.op. I'm rather long in the tooth in the education and childcare world and can recall countless times when I parents anxiety contributes to school or nursery refusal.

I'm not saying this is the case, but based on what you've self reported I'd look at how I was behaving before drop off. Cheerful, be clear you are picking up, do not drag out goodbyes, maybe get dad or gran etc to drop off a few days and see if there is a difference.
A visual timetable may help too. Just scribble Monday, Tuesday etc on a blackboard with a symbol for.nurswry and school next to each day and refer to it before he goes to bed and first thing.

Much say in what ? We both work full time.